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It’s Okay to Start Over

For the past week I’ve been bringing more intention to my day. From noticing what I’m putting into my body, making sure I get outside more often, actually having a meditation practice, hydrating the proper amount for someone who’s breastfeeding.

All of these things I’ve at some point in my life were second nature, some I had even mastered (except for the hydration while breastfeeding) only to be approaching them as a beginner once again. It’s incredibly easy to become overwhelmed with where I want to be, rather than focused on where to start, especially if I’m stuck on how it used to be.

Stuck focused on how well balanced things were, how consistent I once was, how easy some of this used to be. That’s a recipe for never taking a step forward because you’re too busy trying to recreate the past without accepting the present.

The more awareness is brought to my day to day activity the more I need to practice having grace with myself. Because the truth about living an intentional life is that you first have to notice.

Notice what’s working for you.
Notice what’s benefitting you.
Notice where your priorities lie.
Notice the quality of life you are living.

And then own it all.

Taking ownership is avoided by most people because initially it’s terribly uncomfortable. To face all that you are not, all the places you haven’t yet gotten to, all the behaviors you still unconsciously or willingly choose, these are the things that aid to your demise. These are the choices that bring you further from who you ultimately desire to be.

Taking ownership is hard but so is repeating the same loop of patterns that keep you small, frustrated, or stuck. Every road will offer a hard obstacle that needs to be faced. It’s all about deciding which challenge is worth your time, which challenge will you benefit from, which one is hard now but fruitful in the long run.

If these words are tugging at your heart strings, you already know what you need to own up to. Before you talk yourself out of facing the uncomfortable parts of yourself I encourage you to take a moment and reflect. Look back at this moment from the eyes of your future self, the most successful, happy, healthy, loving, and carefree version of yourself.

If that is even too challenging for you PAUSE.
Meet yourself where you are.
Notice any judgment that comes up.
Practice extending some grace and compassion within.
Then take the time to figure out what success, happiness, health, love, and being carefree would mean to you.

Do this over and over and over again. This is intentional living at it’s finest.

Now it could be ten years down the line, 1 year, a month, or maybe even next week. The amount of time doesn’t matter as much as the visualizing itself does. Stand in that future moment and reflect back on this one with gratitude, knowing you’ve made it out of the trenches, started from scratch and built a life you’re proud of.

Stand in the emotional state of what your ideal life feels like. Is it joyous? Content? Fun? Whatever description suits you, practice standing in that feeling. Then ask yourself these three questions:

What behaviors did I let go of to get here?
What thoughts helped me strengthen my self-worth/confidence?
What choices shaped the person I am today?

Let the answers surface organically. Force nothing. Allow your future self to guide you with ease.
The more you practice standing in the moments experienced by your ideal future self, the more clear each of these answers will become.

This week’s insight is that I’m starting over in fitness, nutrition, creativity, being an entrepreneur, all of it. IfI let it, the thoughts on being a beginner will overwhelm me into not taking any action. But I’m reminded that ownership is only uncomfortable initially, if it continues to be it’s because I’m choosing not to move forward.

This week my intention is to move forward with the knowledge I have, standing on the stepping stones of all the times I’ve started over, and allowing ownership be empowering instead of overwhelming.

May you have the courage to move forward even when it’s uncomfortable.

I promise your future self is worth it.

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Start Small. Keep Going

It’s May 1st! The sun is shining a little brighter now and it’s also the beginning of mental health awareness month, a perfect time for self-reflection and slowing down. In this blog, I’ll be sharing some unique personal habits and practices that help me keep my mental health at optimal levels.

Please know that these things work for me and may not be your jam. That’s okay, I still want to encourage you to find what works for you. Most of these ideas came after lots of trial, error, guesswork, and being completely burnt out. My hope is to save you time, make you laugh a little, and possibly offer some tips on how to keep yourself sane and grounded.

Check out this 4 minute video on how to treat yourself better.

What to do for the mind

Stillness and stimulation both have their significance and time to shine in my life. This means there are moments I can truly benefit from stilling the muddy water of my thoughts and allowing the inner turmoil I’ve stirred to settle. And it also means there are times when I need to stimulate my mind so it doesn’t fall into unhealthy patterns of thought/belief. Knowing when to meditate or play a video game isn’t an exact science, but there are a few key signs I look for to let me know

Meditation or stillness of some kind is the answer to overstimulation. So if I’ve spent hours around crowds, in front of screens, or even hyper-fixating on activity and losing track of time, I know my mind will benefit from resting. The constant movement becomes so familiar to me that at times stillness feels foreign, even wrong because my mind wants to keep going. That’s a pretty loud sign it’s time to chill, unwind, and decompress.

Stimulating the mind and focusing attention on something creative is the answer when I find myself in repetitive patterns that aren’t getting me anywhere, a long time of focusing only on work tasks, or I’m in a state of boredom. If I don’t redirect myself toward something that will stimulate my mind and give me something that’s interesting, challenging, or solution-based to do, I’ll most likely start moving from autopilot. It’s from this place I lose motivation, binge television shows, and find myself on the internet for hours with no destination.

What to do for the body

Movement and nourishment are the two choices I’m often neglecting when it comes to taking care of my body. I’ll just throw hydration in with nourishment because not getting enough water could seriously depletes me from the inside out, causing problems with focus and energy.

When I’m not doing yoga, going for walks, or exercising of any kind my mental health begins to decline rapidly. But it’s also really challenging to stay on top of my fitness habits. One of the hacks I’ve found that really improves my mood, elevates my energy, and gets my body moving all at once is dancing. I throw straight up dance parties in my living room when the weather isn’t great for a walk or I don’t have the stamina to work out. Listening to a playlist of my favorite songs through my headphones , or more recently tribal drums, and just letting my body do what it intuitively knows how to do. No judgement, just movement for at least 30 minutes breaks up my day and helps my body stay fluid.

And then there is nourishment, putting healthy food and drink into my body often keeping energy high and lethargy low. Some days I’m at the top of my game, other days I’m struggling to remember to drink more than 8 oz of water. Once the day gets away from me though it’s hard to reign it back in, so my practices start first thing in the morning with a green juice and some water, sometimes tea. My morning is reserved for fruits and veggies only, trying most days to keep caffeine and bread after 12pm. This way I ensure I’m getting nutrients, vitamins and minerals first thing and start my day strong.

Start small with your habits

Taking care of your mental health is a long-term venture that wants you to make tweaks and changes as often as necessary. Whether you incredibly in tune with your mind-body or you’ve begun paying attention for the first time, your efforts toward wellness are like deposits into your future. Keep going, keep figuring out what works, let go of what doesn’t, and remember the point is to improve your mental state not add chaos to it .

Here is a list of simple small habits to either start paying attention to or begin implementing to improve your mind-body wellness:

  1. Notice your mood today.
  2. Sit in a sun spot to recharge.
  3. Dance your stress away.
  4. Look up at the sky and take a break from working.
  5. Take a walk.
  6. Drink water.
  7. Journal your thoughts.
  8. Be still in your body.
  9. Pause for a deep breath.
  10. Notice how your body feels.
  11. Read a book that captivates you.
  12. Find a podcast that keeps you interested.
  13. Say some affirmations in the mirror.
  14. Have a cup of tea.
  15. Clean or organize your clutter.

Save as a reminder!

Let’s Recap

This blog is a quick glimpse into my small habits that help maintain optimal levels of mental and physical wellbeing. It’s not about having the perfect health and doing the “right thing” when it comes to your mind-body wellnes.

So whether you have been on top of all your mind-body needs, or you’re just becoming aware of how to take care of yourself, small habits lead to big changes. It’s the consistency of self-awareness and deliberate action that builds the momentum toward the changes you want to create.

Practicing self-awareness and observing your behavior are active steps toward growth and healing. You can accomplish anything you put your mind to, just remember to focus on what can be done today while connecting to the bigger picture of tomorrow.

Start small, keep going, make your mental health a priority today.

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October 26, 2020

Actual footage of the what waking up symptom free after 6 weeks looks like.

After last week’s migraine scare I made an appointment with a medicine man. It’s something I felt called to do since about September, a card reading I did on Youtube prompted it initially. Something about a health scare coming up soon. That’s when I changed my diet, cut back on caffeine and bought the Cleanse To Heal book by medical medium. I told myself to have no expectations about what would come from this appointment, just that I would remain open and listen.

I put my mask on and walked in. He had me stand by the door until he put his on, what a weird fucking world we live in right now. Looking around at the shelves filled with dozens and dozens of herbs, powders, and mixtures that he prescribes, I already felt better. I chose a medicine man because the last doctor had me on migraine pills indefinitely. Fuck that. I respect that for some people that’s the route to take but I’m not one of those people.

After that appointment I decided to look into more traditional ways of healing, in February I took a book out of the library on the 5 Elements of Self-Healing. Soon after the quarantine began and I ended up keeping the book until the summer, taking notes and learning an introduction of some of my ailments.

He looked at my tongue and in less than 3 seconds told me I had been through some serious trauma throughout my life. By the rhythm and heartbeat within he could tell I’m stressed because I don’t take deep breaths. He found a cyst, discovered my liver needs to be cleansed, and that I’ve been having gut and digestive issues.

The brainfog I had attributed to being an airhead was actually an ailment I’d been suffering for years, along with the anxiety and stress I had normalized. Trying to somehow save face for my physical condition I told him about my dietary and lifestyle changes, how I’m moving my body, drinking water, cut out alcohol, meditating. But he said the trauma, anger, fire had been within me too long and began to compromise my organs-hence the continuous migraines even when I’m not eating trigger foods.

He broke down some technical stuff about the body, and how Chinese medicine sees organs as different types of life force with deep purpose. My poor body. She’s been a victim of my thoughts for so many years and is paying a brutal price. This is going to take serious daily commitment and that scares me. I’ll be doing 6 months of herbal medicine and acupuncture with him, that’s not what scares me.

What scares me is changing my mindset, my habits, my choices, because they directly impact my family. Speaking my mind where I’ve been taught to bite my tongue. Live a truth that’s awkward and uncomfortable. Taking space for myself, to begin a life separate from them so that I can rebuild our connection. I’m scared for what this will mean for the business I’ve put on hold to heal. I’m unsure of who I am without these ties I’m tethered to and what the coming undone process will look like. I’m fearful of standing fully in my truth.

I’m excited for what this means for my health and wellbeing. For the kind of wife I can be when I’m fully healthy and the home I can build for us. I’m looking forward to eating the nourishing foods and hydrating tonics that heal the insides before they manifest on the outside. I’m thankful for my mindful practice and for the clarity I’ve already been experiencing since embracing the truth. I can’t wait for the brain fog to go away so I can see the world as it is, without the blinders of my own limits and traumas.

I feel so much right now, but mostly I’m just happy to be writing again. And getting a life.

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Experiencing The Feeling of Now

Seasonal Mantra

Today I choose to be awake. My emotions will always be intense, only my perspective can change. I understand that I do not own these feelings. I possess it for some time and will make the best out of it. It may hurt or it may heal but it will always teach.

Acknowledge Appreciate Release

Some people cling to the summer sun before autumn visits for the next few months. In time they come around to embracing the coming back of sports, the change in weather and the holiday season. But often the essence of this beautiful season goes unnoticed to many. Autumn teaches the precious lesson of acknowledging the beauty of nature, of life and death.


As the morning arrives later the dark sky appears earlier in the evening. The leaves trade their green layer for bright oranges, vibrant reds and that rare deep purple. It’s incredible to watch as they slowly become naked trees blowing in the chilled air. When approaching the autumn season with a mindful curiosity, you could observe the importance of letting go of that which no longer serves. The color changing process- something viewed by people as portrait worthy images, is really the end of that tree as you know it. 

Finding The Beauty In Impermanence

The past is too heavy to hold onto. The future is too vast to get stuck worrying about. The only way to achieve a life of peace and happiness is to live in the present moment. Life is happening right now. You are creating memories, overcoming obstacles, enjoying the company of others or making decisions that effect your very being.

Living life to its fullest potential comes with experiencing emotion with great intensity. It’s easy to become frightened with what you experience deeply, however you should never let this fear make you cowardly. Emotions are fleeting, so why not start appreciating them while they visit? Embrace all of feelings, especially when it’s not easy; whether labeled negative, positive or indifferent. Once you understand that all emotions are temporary the potential for learning, growing and healing expands.

To be mindful is to accept without judgment that your life is right now. Thoughts become things so the answer lies within the belief system. All we need to do is pause, take deep breaths and remember the importance of stillness. Be patience. Be kind and gentle. Be here with the happiness you will one day miss. Be here with the sadness that will one day pass. Be here with the people that could be gone tomorrow.

Nothing is too good to be true, we are all deserving of happiness and goodness in our lives. Our minds are just not entirely sure how to receive such joy without matching it with disappointment. Let downs and bumps in the road are guaranteed but this very moment in time is not. Someone wishes they could feel the way you do right now. At some point in your life YOU probably wished for this feeling to overcome you. When it does do not hold on to it for it is not yours. Do not let go simply because it may one day fade. Be with everything you feel until it is time for it to pass and keep your heart open for what lies ahead.

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I forgive you for not understanding me, for it is not an easy task.

I forgive you for trying to change me instead of accepting my past.

I forgive you for your ego, he was too big to hide.

I forgive you for never letting go of the pain you held inside.

I forgive you for your angry words, whether you meant them all or not.

I forgive you for your temper because I brought it out a lot.

I forgive you for every mistake because I see now I was guilty too.

I forgive you for all the pain because I made it through.

I forgive you for having your doubts losing you scared me too.

I forgive you for hating me when I did what I needed to do.

I forgive you for your protection but understand I will always be free.

I swear I never meant to be difficult, I was just being me.

I forgave you in every way so I could finally move on,

March to a new melody and sing a new song.

I will carry you with me in the left of my chest

But only the greatest moments and release all the rest.

I wish you peace and love now and everyday

Because you deserve happiness in the deepest way.

Forgiveness is like closure, for it to have the most meaning we cannot wait for others to deliver, it must come from within. So from the bottom of my heart I love you, I miss you and I let you go.