A Week of New Beginnings

It’s the Sunday before my 30th birthday. As I slowly sip on my orange carrot juice, taking deep breaths of the cool breeze on the balcony, I allow myself to bask in the moments that are my life. Some things are perfect, other things aren’t the best, nonetheless I’m gleaming with gratitude and excitement for this current chapter.

With that said, I have nothing figured out and I think that’s an important piece to share. Lots of times people are grateful what what they already have, or what they know is coming. There is a giant question mark over one of the most important areas of my life, career, where a plan once lived but disintegrated once its false foundation was realized.

It’s all about how you perceive a situation that makes it catostrphic or right on track. If I focus on the plan I’m letting go of, life feels like a failure. So when my thoughts and beliefs are locked into what I wanted to happen, which is also what didn’t happen, I’ll never move forward. However, if I focus on what I’m receiving as a result of letting go of that plan, life feels like a blessing and I’m trusting in whatever lies ahead to be great for me.

I’m choosing blessings, over and over every day.

I know how easy it can be to let doubt creep in, urging the question of where I “should be” by “this particular time and this particular place in space.” I’ll admit it has stolen my attention quite a few times over the winter months. But as time goes on and I turn inward, I rediscover the truth which is I am always exactly where I need to be, even if it’s uncomfortable and unknown most of the time. Sure it’s not what I had planned or sometimes even wanted, but there are divine plans placed upon me that have proven time and time again it will always work out.

My intention for the year is to welcome my 30s with the theme of unbecoming anyone or anything I have space in my identity that isn’t aligned with my highest self. There’s SO MUCH to release and this season may last years because of all the facades accumulated in the past, ones I was once so proud of constructing now only remind me of how scared I was to be myself. As time ticks on the most important matters are always revealed and the act of stifling authenticity will begin to weigh heavy on the heart and soul. I’m continuously dropping dead weight.

I let go so I can leap.

The month of April holds incredibly palpable energy that pumps through me each year. It’s fierce, unfolding, full of wonder, and oftentimes chaos. Maybe it’s because of my birthday or maybe it’s because this is the true new year, springtime. This year is no different the air is brimming with potential, I have to work intentionally to slow myself down to see there’s more than just how I’m feeling right now. With the exception of some minor details in appearance and environment, this feeling is a familiar one I’ve been known to take great leaps from.

Okay so maybe the actual detail changes in my life aren’t minor at all, like getting a bomb-ass haircut and moving into a home with the kitchen of my dreams thanks to the love of my life. These all mean a great deal to me, so understand when I say minor I don’t mean to insult or diminish anything. These are all moments and experiences I’ve slowly cultivated through visualization, patience, and deliberate action.

Its details themselves, the microscopic vision of our lives, that must remain minor. If details are paid too close attention, they could cause you to forget the bigger picture unfolding. An example of details being minor is when you receive what you asked for but it didn’t show up the way you wanted it to. You can choose to either focus on how nothing went according to your plan or you can choose to focus on how everything unfolds in your favor.

By zooming out of the specifics you’re able to see the grand picture, and find gratitude in the how rather than frustration in it.

Letting go of your plans is a major part of unbecoming.

I believe that growth, true growth, is outgrowing molds you’ve made yourself stay in to play small, to stay safe, to please others, to keep quiet, to dull your own shine. Unbecoming is to delayer, to take off what wasn’t supposed to stay on too long, to strip away the traits and mechanisms that helped you while in survival mode, but now only hinder your progress. To grow is to practice unbecoming. Unbecoming is to let go of what is no longer working or serving you, even if it’s comfortable and familiar.

There is a balance that may not ever be achieved but can absolutely be practiced continuously. Have a plan and give it flexibility. Create visions for your life and be willing to receive the outcome in many other ways. Be determined in your pursuits and know when it’s time to pause for a while. Be willing to let go and be willing to receive, don’t stay stuck in either mode too long. Growth requires acceptance of what is before moving into what will be. Listen to your heart and learn to turn fear into excitement. Recognize when you are playing small so you can let go and learn to fly.

As with all adventures you embark on, it’s important to recommit to yourself on the journey of unbecoming. Be prepared to fall into familiar patterns and behavior traps of the past, and in the same breath be prepared to express loving compassion toward yourself for it. That’s how you practice balance; enjoy the journey rather than rushing toward the destination, while accepting the fact that you never truly arrive. They’ll always be another place, something more, something else, and so really the destination is always the present moment.

Enjoy the moments that find you and allow yourself to feel them.

xo