Category: Healing

Posted in Healing, MindBody

Understanding Emotions

Posted on by Sabrina Renee

The MindfullyBri Podcast

Exposure

The year 2020 has been painful, eye-opening, excruciating, exhausting, and expansive. The lesson I’ve learned the loudest this month was to embrace exposure in more ways than one. For the first half of the year my priority was to reach people by creating content for my community serving their highest self. Exposing myself into the world as a mindful entrepreneur who is passionate about helping people love, heal, and grow through their experiences. I think exposure has always been a fear of mine waiting to be conquered, but I never quite knew how. When you set your mind to seeking something in life it has a miraculous way of finding you.

In April I began leading live meditations on Instagram, creating communities founded on self-development and inner work, and making resources to help people handle the issues I’ve overcome. Vulnerably sharing my journey as a means of connecting to those who are going through something too. This year had truly been about stepping into the role of a conscious leader, taking a giant leap toward my purpose on this planet. And while this type of exposure had it’s own unique challenges, overall it’s been a rewarding. Walking into the idea of exposure head on led me to leveling up my awareness of self and ability to serve my community. It’s been an incredibly personal journey, a true blessing and a dream come true that I will never take for granted.

Which leads me to the second half of the year, the time we’re entering where I’m provided a different opportunity to be exposed. This time it’s a much more intense, fearful, painful, and life altering experience. Opening my eyes and my heart to those who suffer the violent reality of oppression, racism, and injustice. I’ve exposed myself to the system that has been created to oppress, demean, and disrespect the black community. In these last fews days I’ve done something I never do and dove deep into the painful reality in my country today. Reading articles, watching videos, interacting on social platforms, and tuned into news outlets that are showing in real time people fighting for basic human rights, only to be met with even more violence and physical force.

While my heart aches over this type of exposure it fuels a different part of me than the first type does. The first type of exposure is an example of alignment, overcoming a limit I set for myself, achieving something I had set out to even though it was scary at first. It’s about me, my goals, my dreams, my purpose. That type of exposure is of personal gain. However this second type cracked me open entirely because it came from outside myself. It’s bigger than me. What I’m experiencing through a screen people are living with in this moment. The words I’m hearing on the news are someone else’s life circumstances. There is no comparison between the types of exposure, but there is a significant difference in the lessons I choose to take from them. One helps me believe I can create change when it’s necessary, and the second one reminds me just how necessary it is to change.

Healing and Serving

Empathy can only be felt toward another person. By empathizing with someone you become connected to that person through your understanding and compassion. That understanding and compassion is the bridge between a personal gain and a collective experience. But until we are able to experience that understanding and compassion within ourselves, we can’t cross that bridge and help someone else discover it. While achievement on a personal level is something to be proud of, it pales in comparison to create change on a lager scale. The second type of exposure is what cracks you wide open, it causes you to become overwhelmed and inspired. Exposing yourself to different cultures, communities, and all of the chaos surrounding you is how you REALLY help others.

Both types of exposure are important to me and so I’ve begun to merge them as one giant realization that by expanding my own knowledge I’ll inevitably be expanding the knowledge of the people who choose to tune into me. All I want to do is teach you how to tune into yourself. Teaching mindfulness is how I serve my people. It’s my duty and obligation to share resources, tools, guidance, and support. It’s my duty as a human being to advocate for the rights of others. And there’s never been a more powerful time to be the lighthouse for those traveling through treacherous waters. 

Like all powerful educators, I have to consciously choose to be a student first. The best way to do that is to allow myself to feel the powerful energy that’s surrounding us all and choose to be with it rather than run. It is only through fully experiencing the life of those I’m trying to connect with that I can serve them with intentional compassion. Tuning into emotions allows me to open up to learning by surrendering the notion that I know the answer. Because there is no answer to know, right now is a time to experience emotions authentically. There is no right way to do that. The more familiar I get with the feelings of anger, sadness, hopelessness, and fear the deeper I connect to everyone else experiencing these emotions. Because we are just an extension of those experiencing those emotions. And now more than ever it’s important to make the effort to focus on the ways we are connected and not divided.

Truthfully, I want to scream and shake the shoulders of the people who are actively creating division in the world. The disgust I feel is strong enough to blind me, keeping my attention focused on the horrific events happening to innocent humans. The pain that must be coursing through the veins of the loved ones who are grieving for their babies, fathers, and sons. When I turn the controls over to my emotions there is no telling where my brain will take me. It’s not uncommon to be overrun with emotion, I’d even argue that most people are walking through life this way all the time. But it’s times like these that make it even more dangerous for our emotions to get the best of us. Especially when there are groups of people who aren’t empathetic and who are stoking the fires of the crimes and injustices of the world.

My goal isn’t to stop you from pointing fingers at who’s right and who’s wrong. My goal is to introduce another way of approaching your emotions at this time. Giving you the tools to shift your perspective long enough to create space for another way of coping if your way is hurting, not helping. To teach you to pause long enough and ask yourself if you’re handling this the best way you can. My goal is to start the conversation about the ways humans are causing their own suffering because their personal narrative has hijacked their senses. This article is to help you navigate the emotions that are distracting you, while channeling their energy into what matters most.

Emotional Connectivity

Even if you’re not outraged particularly by police brutality, racial injustice, or the horrifying media that’s been surfacing all weekend, there is still something in your life that elicits negative emotions. There are things that bring darkness out of you, have led you into darkness, or have forced you to become consumed by it all. Humans are running wildly unaware of the power resting in their emotional state. There is a large disconnect from the body and an incredible attachment to the narrative part of the mind, the part of you that creates the persona of who you are. As the division of mind and body grows, the story playing inside the mind becomes your primary focus. You focus so intently on the story of who you are that you forget you are an extension of others. The narrative in your mind plays so loud you forget it’s created by thoughts flowing untamed, and you begin to accept this as truth. With each repeating thought pattern and every decision that aligns with them, you are further separating yourself from what is happening to your body. But the stronger that narrative inside your mind becomes the louder your suffering gets, and the harder it is to see your connection to other human beings at all.

See, each time you experience an emotion it appears in your body in the form of sensation. Negative feeling emotions tend to show up as constriction, tightness, heaviness, and pain. Positive feeling emotions tend to show up as an openness, pleasure, lightweight, and allowance. Tuning into the body while you’re experiencing an intense emotion can introduce the power of the mindbody connection. The more present you become with how your body is responding to your thoughts and emotions, the deeper you can meet yourself. And as you begin uncovering these layers of emotion you can become aware of your choices, rather than being imprisoned by emotion.

You, like every other human in existence, has been driven to experience negative and intense emotional states. And although people experience these emotions for different reasons and triggers, the similar nature of emotional beings cannot be denied. I won’t ask you to understand the people who don’t understand you, I won’t even ask you to expand your awareness to others. Instead, I want to lead you within yourself because this is where all change occurs. Because even though what is hurting you is coming from outside of you, these intense emotions are all happening inside you.

My mind brings me into thoughts of revenge and retaliation, my soul cries out for understanding and love, while my body is the vessel that carries either of these truths out. That’s what I recognize in every other human being right now, emotions flooding their minds, bodies, and souls. When an emotion surfaces with enough intensity it can overcome you, blinding you of any other way of thinking or being. An emotion that is so intense it’s power is intoxicating causing you to act on those thoughts of revenge or act on your soul’s cry for love. 

But if people are being taken over by their emotional reactions to the world, they are disconnecting from themselves and from each other. Please, let’s reconnect.

Love. Heal. Grow.

Posted in Healing, Practices, Spirituality

Staying Well in Times of Uncertainty

Posted on by Sabrina Renee

There is a constant swirl of mixed emotions surfacing in all of us. For some, there are incredibly drastic transitions occurring. Changes in their work schedule, the amount of pay if any, the responsibility of payments weighing heavy, concerns of educating their children while trying to maintain their own sanity. Other people may be focused more on the virus that has struck globally, concerned bout flights back home, elderly loved ones receiving proper care, trying to keep their immune system functioning optimally, making trips to the grocery store only to find what they need is out of stock. Then there are people who are struggling with the transition of being busy to being alone with their thoughts, no longer making plans with friends and trying to find an outlet to distract themselves from all of the emotions that are forcing themself to the top. There is also the possibility that all of these things are being experienced by one person, a nasty cocktail of overwhelm, scarcity, and fear.

There is no doubt that this pandemic is to be taken seriously, it’s important that people are preparing their homes with the essentials to keep them healthy and safe. However, one thing that continues to be overlooked is how all of this is affecting your wellbeing. Health is not limited to the physical responsibilities of washing hands, disinfecting surfaces, eating healthier, and maintaining a safe distance from crowds. What also falls under the category of health and wellness is mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. I’ve created a workshop to help you navigate through these troublesome times.

Mental wellbeing

The wellbeing of your mind has a great deal to do with what it is you’re consuming on a daily basis. If you’re constantly watching the news, refreshing your social feed, surrounding yourself with people who are only sharing negative stories, you are aiding to a negative and low vibrational mental state. This way of thinking will begin to create deeply rooted beliefs about what is and what is not possible for you. As a result, you’ll begin to see a limited world where you lack control of everything, rendering you a victim to what happens to you.

This virus has absolutely taught the world there is an incredible amount of circumstance that will always be out of an individual’s control. However, what you always have control over is your perspective and the way in which you CHOOSE to respond to something. For instance, there is no changing the bad news of the world today, there are unfortunate things happening to people all over the world. What does not help is constantly reminding yourself of all the bad things being experienced, sharing more heartbreaking news than groundbreaking, bonding with people over what is wrong with the world rather than what is right with it. The mind needs you to set boundaries for what it consumes because what you consume shapes the person you become. It’s important to remain informed but not overwhelmed, prepared but not paralyzed with fear, connected with others but not through the energy exchange of worry and stress.

Your brain is an incredible tool that is constantly working to serve you, just as long as you know how to navigate it. A perfect example of this is if you ask yourself (your brain) a question it will search for the best answer or solution possible-based on the quality of your questions. Therefore, it’s important that you’re asking yourself proactive questions that are bringing you closer to a calm state and peace of mind. Instead of asking with a tone of fear, self-doubt, overwhelm “what can I do about what’s happening?”, try asking with the intention to create change in YOUR life, right now. What you can do is turn off the news and connect with the people around you, Skype with friends, step into your yard for some fresh air, read a book about self-improvement. Start creating healthy boundaries of what you allow your brain to think about, that’s how you prepare a mind for changes.

Emotional wellbeing

Honor the feelings that are surfacing for you at this time. If you’re feeling sad for the people around the world dealing with the loss of family, connection, and access to income-then feel it. If you’re feeling scared because you of YOUR loss of structure, connection, and access to income-then feel that too. The emotions that each of us experience are being triggered by an event. They may feel too intense, overwhelming, and maybe burdensome, but they deserve your attention more than the news or social media. Because each of these emotions is a gateway to get to know yourself on a deeper level. You are meant to feel all emotions, even if they aren’t pleasant or coming at a convenient time. Don’t shut out what you’re going through because it’s too hard to face, because the longer you push away the feelings the more challenging they become to face. An introspective perspective is a powerful tool that will help you navigate the brand new difficulties you’re facing. Instead of distracting yourself with substances, the latest news, food, video games, or any other stimuli, stop to ask “why am I running away from this?, how can facing my feelings help me heal?”

Sometimes it’s not about taking action but rather just being with what you’re experiencing. If you experience judgment arising about your feelings examine it. Try understanding why you’re not letting yourself feel authentically and what you can do to work through that belief. Get to know the activities that elevate your mood, help you relax, bring you peace, or make you feel a sense of safety. Learn the difference between when you need to feel connected to other people who understand what you’re going through and when it’s time to be alone with your thoughts.

Each of us is experiencing a unique awakening that is bringing to light our greatest feels and that which we are most grateful for. There is bound to be a mix of emotions, strategies to handle them, and community to share in this time of change. Express a little more self-compassion by tuning into what it is you need most. Whether it’s a really good cry, a self-soothing journal session, or a phone call with a friend, it’s just as important as stocking up your pantry. Take care of your emotions seriously, they’re here to help you.

Spiritual wellbeing

Your soul is the vessel in which Spirit/God/Universe/All-That-Is is communicating with you. In order for you to hear the messages meant for you, it’s your job to turn the noise down in your life. An important part of spiritual practice is removing the layers of junk that are not serving your highest good. Lot of these examples were mention in mental and emotional wellbeing such as distracting yourself with coping mechanisms to hide what it is you’re really feeling A great way to expand your connection with the source of life force is by strengthening your intuition and slowing down the chatter of the mind.

There are many different forms of meditation, but the one I am suggesting is Vipassana. The goal of Vipassana meditation is to become aware of the present moment. This means bringing yourself out of the thinking mind which is either meandering in the past or trying to create the future. Both of these places take you away from the only focus that really matters, this moment. The present moment is all that ever matters because it is the only moment that truly exists. Therefore, at this moment lies your control over how you can respond to life unfolding. Instead of worrying about what you have lost already, or stressing about what may never happen, you can rest your attention into what is right now.

Vipassana meditation is best when you wear loose-fitting close, make sure your waistband isn’t too tight and that you’re dressing appropriately for the temperature where ever you are. If you’ve never meditated before or practiced focusing your attention on anything for more than 10 minutes, I suggest starting in a chair preferrably without arms on the side. Rest the arms on your lap with palms facing down, keeping your back straight without being rigid, placing your feet firmly on the ground. One last and very important piece, bring an intention to your seat with you. A common one I like to use is to be patient with myself and with others because your thoughts are bound to take you away from the moment and into what is bothering you. Another one is to be kind to yourself and others. The intention you choose is not as important as the fact that you choose one. You’ll need something to anchor you back to the reason you sat down in the first place. This practice, done daily, will help increase your awareness and the level of calm in your life.

Let’s Review

Life will always be unpredictable, filled with circumstances and events out of your control. The way to navigate through tough times is by focusing on all that you can control. This pandemic has opened the eyes of the world to what truly matters, what never did, and how fragile life can be. It is not enough to prepare your pantry and refrigerator with foods that will give you a strong and healthy immune system. If you’re worrying, living in a fearful state, and not taking care of your soul’s needs, you’ll continue to lower your vibration every day.

Set boundaries for your mental health, create space to allow your emotions to surface, and cultivate a practice of awareness into your daily routine. Even after the chaos of the world begins to settle, and life proceeds to merge into a new normal, these 3 ways of improving your health will still be just as significant. Don’t ignore the relationship you have with yourself because it’s uncomfortable to face. Start by bringing your attention to the parts of you that need it the most. Be gentle as you adopt these practices into your daily routine and be kind to the person you are becoming. Life does not get easier, but you do get better, as long as you keep going consciously.

Love, light, and kindness my friends.

Posted in Healing, Practices

Transcending Darkness Into Light

Posted on by Sabrina Renee

 

In what ways are you loving yourself?

 

A great way to find the answer to that question is to listen to the voice inside your head that responds to the question. Take a moment to be the awareness behind the answer that pops up for you.

 

Was the voice defensive?

How did it feel to answer that question?

Were you able to answer quickly or was it something to think about?

Are you happy or displeased with the answers?

 

 

Truthfully the answers that surface for you are neither right nor wrong. This exercise is simply expanding your awareness of how your thinking already works. As humans, we layer up our experiences with judgments that later turn into beliefs that ultimately decide the course of our growth. Either people are growing toward loving themself deeper or they are moving further away. Only by asking questions about your relationship with yourself can you begin to expand your awareness of self. Learn who you are, who you were, and start to create the visual of who it is you wish to become.

 

 

The dark is costing you the light

By remaining in the same spot, with the same knowledge, surrounded by the same energy all of which are holding you back from thriving, you are living in the dark. The dark is a great place to hide. Plenty of people turn the lights off to particular parts of their life because it hurts too much to face, or rocks the very foundation of who they’ve chosen to be. But just because something is placed in the dark doesn’t remove it from existence. It simply means it’s taking up more dark energy than light. You are feeding the energy of lack, resistance, negativity, and denial of your truth. 

 

The light, however, is a place of creation and higher frequency. The light in your life shines to help illuminate the way ahead. In order to live in a world of light, all things must surface and be acknowledged. All things that have been pushed away in the deepest corners of your past have the capacity to transcend into the light. Once you allow the dark to surface, it can be seen for what it truly is and loved entirely, not in spite of anything.

 

Choosing light over darkness is the way to unconditional love. Therefore when you express love to the dark parts of who you are, love will embody that experience. The more you choose to love, the more you choose to feed the energy of abundance, allowance, growth, and acceptance of your true self. 

 

When you choose love you choose to steer yourself toward a healthy relationship with yourself, first and foremost, and then with others. When you choose to see the light where there is darkness you slowly begin to build a peaceful resilience within yourself. Being able to forgive your past pain while simultaneously allowing it to create a more evolved version of self. Both light and love are principle foundations for a successful, compassionate, and strong relationship with who you are, as well as who you’re becoming. Which will, in turn, open the doors of opportunity to thrive in relationships with family, friends, and loved ones. Being at peace with yourself means not letting things outside of you define you because you are confident in the person you are. The power over your emotions and mindset will always reside within you.

 

 

So what is it costing you?

Now that you understand the power of bringing the darkness to light, it’s time to do just that. Take stock of the areas of life you haven’t been ready to face, handle, or deal with properly. There is a proper season for living in darkness, life gets hard and sometimes unexpectedly crippling, but it’s not meant to be a forever destination. At some point, you have to shine the light on your needs, your desires, and the inner healing it will take to get there.

 

Focus on the voice inside that answers your questions. Start asking yourself more proactive questions about how you’re treating yourself.

Are you neglecting your needs and desires for the benefit of others?

When you neglect your needs, what are you losing and gaining?

When pouring from an empty cup, how is it impacting the person you are becoming? 

What values are you aligning with?

What are you losing as a result?

 

Shifting from a dark season of life into one of light and love will not be easy. It will challenge the parts of you that haven’t built up immunity yet. You’ll feel tired, weak, and possibly want to quit on yourself. Keep going. It’s in these moments of exhaustion that you’re building the next version of yourself. The result of loving yourself by transcending darkness into light is a glorious and peaceful place to live. The road to it, however, may not feel as such. Keep the end result in mind and honor the struggle that this journey brings. Each hard decision you make, each time you cut out negative behavior, each time you set a boundary to keep yourself safe, you teach yourself a lesson. If you’re being aware of these lessons you won’t make the same mistake twice.

 

There is so much to learn and so much to love about yourself. Turn the lights on to your true self.

Check out this podcast episode titled Love vs Fear: Seeing is Believing
Posted in Healing

How Caregivers Cope

Posted on by Sabrina Renee

In this season of my life, I am one of the primary caregivers for my mother who was recently paralyzed. The complications that followed have piled high, requiring a great deal of care, energy, and time invested every day. With personal challenges for the caregiver and health challenges for the person in need of care, it’s essential to create boundaries to make sure well-being is a priority.

As a mindfulness teacher and a student of self-improvement, I understand the significance that my mindset brings. Starting each day without thinking about what I need to be at my best is a recipe for personal neglect. The more I make a habit out of pushing my needs to the back burner, the harder t will become to provide excellent care for those who need me most. Although I’ve lived by these principles for years, and even began teaching others, my mother’s physical trauma pushed me out of alignment with my core beliefs. So I went back to the drawing board to get to know myself and all the ways I could improve.

For the last few months, I’ve noticed a pattern of unhealthy habits and choices. Most days I find my energy to be sluggish even with a full night’s sleep. The mornings are the most challenging for me when they used to be when I was at my most creative. My appetite has dwindled while my headaches have increased. This dip in energy causes other areas of my life to suffer such as memory, organ health, and overall mood changes. Before this major lifestyle change, I would get the occasional headache and sinus infection, but now I felt more ill than well often. I knew that this was a trying time for my family and me, but I also knew I wasn’t living as my best self. In order to provide the best level of care possible for my mom, I needed to make my health a priority.

I began to take stock of what was helping and hindering my overall health. Looking into the foods I was eating, my level of hydration, the information I was consuming, the environmental factors playing a part in my mood, the media I was focused on, the community I was in contact with and what it was doing to my performance. It was shocking to see just how much I was aiding to my own discomfort and dis-ease without even being aware of it. Once I knew there were choices being made each day making me sick, I knew how to go about making changes.

Coping Mechanisms

Each morning had a ritual of coffee on an empty stomach, sometimes with almond milk and sugar, sometimes just black. Afterward, I didn’t eat for a couple of hours and didn’t hydrate for even longer than that. While each cup of coffee was dehydrating my body I was running on empty wishing for the energy to push through, so I’d had another cup. This cycle continued for a few months.

At the end of the day when I was no longer needed by other people, I would overindulge in relaxation. I’d roll a joint or pack my bong and smoke the evening away. Now I’d like to make it clear that marijuana has been an incredible factor in helping me cope with anxiety, gain my appetite back, and when used with intent, given me a boost of creativity for my writing. But for months I wasn’t using it with the intention to come back to myself, to release the day or to gain focus on what was important. I was medicating so that I didn’t have to feel, deal, or handle life at the end of the day, only to wake up each morning to the reality that it was all waiting for me again.

Every few months I would finally muster up the energy to go out with friends. I’d look forward to grabbing drinks and not talking about what my daily life was like. Caregiving isn’t necessarily an easy thing to bond over because, thankfully, not many people live in that world. So when I made plans with friends it wasn’t to vent about the tough times or celebrate the triumphs my family made together. In my mind, getting together with friends became about stepping into an alternate reality where life wasn’t as hard and I could drink my troubles away.

As I took a non-judgmental view of my coping mechanisms I realized I was hurting myself; putting my body through the pain of not enough nutrients and hydration, putting my mind through the ups and downs of stimulants, putting my spirit through the pain of never being still. If I were going to be a better daughter for my mother, I had to become a better self for me. Because in a world where the circumstances are out of my control, the response to it all is in my hands. Rather than facing the terror, pain, fear, and unknown head on I was choosing not to face it at all. Instead, I chose to numb myself to the reality I was living in through cups of coffee, staying high, and drinking the pain away. I saw the toll it was taking on my daily routine, how long it took me to recover from everything and decided to make a change.

After lots of prayers, self-compassion, and forgiveness of my own actions I decided to cleanse for 40 days. Taking coffee away and staying sober to gain clarity on how to maneuver this season of life. Giving things up to challenge myself is a common theme. It pushes my personal limits, cracks the shell of limiting beliefs I hold, and starts to pave the way for even more possibilities. This, however, is probably going to be the most all of nothing personal challenge I’ve given myself because I’m removing the outlets I use to cope with pain. The pain will still be there, waiting for me, like an annoying family member who wants to retell that awful story for the 35th time. It’s going to test my patience, causing me to question what I can and can’t handle on my own. But being my mother’s caregiver has taught me a few lessons:

1.) Resilience is a choice and you can choose it every day.

2.) Learn to laugh at the difficult stuff and it’ll begin to sting a little less.

3.) Your emotions are trying to tell you something, sit with them and listen.

4.) Stop letting your thinking mind rule your life, not everything is a catastrophe.

5.) Even if it’s the worst news you’ve ever received, you can move with grace and love.

The point of this post is not to judge yourself on how you cope with pain and suffering. It’s not about how healthy you are or all of the things you’re not doing for your mind and body. It’s absolutely not about the right and wrong ways of dealing with responsibility, because girl let me tell you I’m still trying to navigate these waters myself.

What I would love for you to take away is that there is most likely something in your life that isn’t getting the attention it deserves. Maybe it’s the lack of healthy food your eating or movement you giving your body. Maybe it’s the way you deal with the hardest challenge in your life or the troubling emotions that feel too impossible to handle. I’m telling you to pay attention. Look at how you treat the unpleasantness in your life, and how it returns the favor in your lifestyle. Notice the lack of attention you give yourself, while you glorify the attention you give others. Raise your level of self-awareness so that you can truly begin to deal with and heal from whatever is going on in your life.

You owe it to yourself to face your life head on, and you can start today. Start by forgiving anything you’ve done that may have hurt you. Start by flooding yourself with love and understanding for doing the best you could. Just start paying attention to all of the things you’re neglecting. Because nobody needs you more than you need you.

Posted in Healing

Noticing Inner Dialogue

Posted on by Sabrina Renee

The Voice Inside

Each time you participate in any particular behavior, whether it’s label good or bad, you begin to engrave it as a habit. The habits you form stem from every choice you make when faced with a decision. These choices create and mold the person you will ultimately grow to be, therefore what you practice is what you become. 

Inner dialogue is no different than those behaviors. The mental chatter that is constantly talking inside your head has immense power over how you judge yourself and your capabilities. It is constantly guiding you toward or away from opportunities depending on your belief system. Inner dialogue is created, amplified and caused by your experiences, which later become patterns. These patterns are put into place because of the choices you make every day, whether you are aware of them or not.

So how aware are you of the choices you are making daily and their impact on your inner environment?

How aware are you of the voice inside your head?

Is it motivating and empowering you?

Is it criticizing and doubting you?

Maybe a little bit of both?

The struggle with changing your patterns and habits is that it is so deeply embedded in the mind that you resort to them without much thought. This is an example of living on autopilot or living mindlessly. When you think about the fact that your mind and body will eventually participate in any behavior continuously practiced, it is fascinating. Because that also means it’s possible to change these patterns into behaviors and thoughts you WANT to have and those that will benefit your well-being.

Consider this: The way you choose to respond or react to a situation eventually becomes your inner dialogue. Circumstances that hurt you, the ones you harbor feelings for, the people you haven’t forgiven. Any situation you face that is similar has the potential to bring you a similar outcome of pain, leading your mind to bring you back to how you handled the first one.

If you want to change your self-talk start by becoming aware of the chatter. Instead of approaching inner dialogue with the intention to change it, just simply become aware of what is already happening. Bring your attention to the tone of voice during challenging times vs. joyful times. Notice how your body may tense up or relax in accordance to the conversation inside your mind. See if you can trace it back to the root judgment that is the cause behind your choices. You may begin to notice the fear of change or a distant memory of a similar situation when you suffered somehow. Once you become aware of the changes you seek you can begin to pause before decision making and decide consciously. Slowly but surely you’ll be rewiring your responses to those that benefit you.

The connection between your experiences and the choices you make is incredible. Make the conscious effort to look closer at it and get a better understanding of who you are choosing to become. Think of the times you’ve made mistakes, took steps back from the huge progress you’ve made and the times you failed. How did you treat yourself mentally?

Were you supportive and forgiving?

Were you kind and understanding, viewing it from more than your personal perspectives?

Did you take the time to listen to how hurt you were as a result?

Did you explore how it made you feel?

Did you treat yourself the way you would a friend?

Most of the time you are your toughest critic, while in a similar situation you would provide warmth and compassion to others. With a more conscious effort, you could start to shift not only your relationship with yourself but your response to the world around you.

If every day you choose to be kind to yourself as a result you would become a kinder human being. The same goes for being critical, understanding, angry and compassionate. It all lies within the choices you make every day. So wake up and pay attention to what you allow into the mind. Because whether you are aware or not there is a constant conversation going on inside you. It’s time you became a part of it.