How Caregivers Cope

Posted on March 8, 2020 by Sabrina Renee

In this season of my life, I am one of the primary caregivers for my mother who was recently paralyzed. The complications that followed have piled high, requiring a great deal of care, energy, and time invested every day. With personal challenges for the caregiver and health challenges for the person in need of care, it’s essential to create boundaries to make sure well-being is a priority.

As a mindfulness teacher and a student of self-improvement, I understand the significance that my mindset brings. Starting each day without thinking about what I need to be at my best is a recipe for personal neglect. The more I make a habit out of pushing my needs to the back burner, the harder t will become to provide excellent care for those who need me most. Although I’ve lived by these principles for years, and even began teaching others, my mother’s physical trauma pushed me out of alignment with my core beliefs. So I went back to the drawing board to get to know myself and all the ways I could improve.

For the last few months, I’ve noticed a pattern of unhealthy habits and choices. Most days I find my energy to be sluggish even with a full night’s sleep. The mornings are the most challenging for me when they used to be when I was at my most creative. My appetite has dwindled while my headaches have increased. This dip in energy causes other areas of my life to suffer such as memory, organ health, and overall mood changes. Before this major lifestyle change, I would get the occasional headache and sinus infection, but now I felt more ill than well often. I knew that this was a trying time for my family and me, but I also knew I wasn’t living as my best self. In order to provide the best level of care possible for my mom, I needed to make my health a priority.

I began to take stock of what was helping and hindering my overall health. Looking into the foods I was eating, my level of hydration, the information I was consuming, the environmental factors playing a part in my mood, the media I was focused on, the community I was in contact with and what it was doing to my performance. It was shocking to see just how much I was aiding to my own discomfort and dis-ease without even being aware of it. Once I knew there were choices being made each day making me sick, I knew how to go about making changes.

Coping Mechanisms

Each morning had a ritual of coffee on an empty stomach, sometimes with almond milk and sugar, sometimes just black. Afterward, I didn’t eat for a couple of hours and didn’t hydrate for even longer than that. While each cup of coffee was dehydrating my body I was running on empty wishing for the energy to push through, so I’d had another cup. This cycle continued for a few months.

At the end of the day when I was no longer needed by other people, I would overindulge in relaxation. I’d roll a joint or pack my bong and smoke the evening away. Now I’d like to make it clear that marijuana has been an incredible factor in helping me cope with anxiety, gain my appetite back, and when used with intent, given me a boost of creativity for my writing. But for months I wasn’t using it with the intention to come back to myself, to release the day or to gain focus on what was important. I was medicating so that I didn’t have to feel, deal, or handle life at the end of the day, only to wake up each morning to the reality that it was all waiting for me again.

Every few months I would finally muster up the energy to go out with friends. I’d look forward to grabbing drinks and not talking about what my daily life was like. Caregiving isn’t necessarily an easy thing to bond over because, thankfully, not many people live in that world. So when I made plans with friends it wasn’t to vent about the tough times or celebrate the triumphs my family made together. In my mind, getting together with friends became about stepping into an alternate reality where life wasn’t as hard and I could drink my troubles away.

As I took a non-judgmental view of my coping mechanisms I realized I was hurting myself; putting my body through the pain of not enough nutrients and hydration, putting my mind through the ups and downs of stimulants, putting my spirit through the pain of never being still. If I were going to be a better daughter for my mother, I had to become a better self for me. Because in a world where the circumstances are out of my control, the response to it all is in my hands. Rather than facing the terror, pain, fear, and unknown head on I was choosing not to face it at all. Instead, I chose to numb myself to the reality I was living in through cups of coffee, staying high, and drinking the pain away. I saw the toll it was taking on my daily routine, how long it took me to recover from everything and decided to make a change.

After lots of prayers, self-compassion, and forgiveness of my own actions I decided to cleanse for 40 days. Taking coffee away and staying sober to gain clarity on how to maneuver this season of life. Giving things up to challenge myself is a common theme. It pushes my personal limits, cracks the shell of limiting beliefs I hold, and starts to pave the way for even more possibilities. This, however, is probably going to be the most all of nothing personal challenge I’ve given myself because I’m removing the outlets I use to cope with pain. The pain will still be there, waiting for me, like an annoying family member who wants to retell that awful story for the 35th time. It’s going to test my patience, causing me to question what I can and can’t handle on my own. But being my mother’s caregiver has taught me a few lessons:

1.) Resilience is a choice and you can choose it every day.

2.) Learn to laugh at the difficult stuff and it’ll begin to sting a little less.

3.) Your emotions are trying to tell you something, sit with them and listen.

4.) Stop letting your thinking mind rule your life, not everything is a catastrophe.

5.) Even if it’s the worst news you’ve ever received, you can move with grace and love.

The point of this post is not to judge yourself on how you cope with pain and suffering. It’s not about how healthy you are or all of the things you’re not doing for your mind and body. It’s absolutely not about the right and wrong ways of dealing with responsibility, because girl let me tell you I’m still trying to navigate these waters myself.

What I would love for you to take away is that there is most likely something in your life that isn’t getting the attention it deserves. Maybe it’s the lack of healthy food your eating or movement you giving your body. Maybe it’s the way you deal with the hardest challenge in your life or the troubling emotions that feel too impossible to handle. I’m telling you to pay attention. Look at how you treat the unpleasantness in your life, and how it returns the favor in your lifestyle. Notice the lack of attention you give yourself, while you glorify the attention you give others. Raise your level of self-awareness so that you can truly begin to deal with and heal from whatever is going on in your life.

You owe it to yourself to face your life head on, and you can start today. Start by forgiving anything you’ve done that may have hurt you. Start by flooding yourself with love and understanding for doing the best you could. Just start paying attention to all of the things you’re neglecting. Because nobody needs you more than you need you.

Healing

Noticing Inner Dialogue

Posted on February 17, 2020 by Sabrina Renee

The Voice Inside

Each time you participate in any particular behavior, whether it’s label good or bad, you begin to engrave it as a habit. The habits you form stem from every choice you make when faced with a decision. These choices create and mold the person you will ultimately grow to be, therefore what you practice is what you become.

Inner dialogue is no different than those behaviors. The mental chatter that is constantly talking inside your head has immense power over how you judge yourself and your capabilities. It is constantly guiding you toward or away from opportunities depending on your belief system. Inner dialogue is created, amplified and caused by your experiences, which later become patterns. These patterns are put into place because of the choices you make every day, whether you are aware of them or not.

So how aware are you of the choices you are making daily and their impact on your inner environment?

How aware are you of the voice inside your head?

Is it motivating and empowering you?

Is it criticizing and doubting you?

Maybe a little bit of both?

The struggle with changing your patterns and habits is that it is so deeply embedded in the mind that you resort to them without much thought. This is an example of living on autopilot or living mindlessly. When you think about the fact that your mind and body will eventually participate in any behavior continuously practiced, it is fascinating. Because that also means it’s possible to change these patterns into behaviors and thoughts you WANT to have and those that will benefit your well-being.

Consider this: The way you choose to respond or react to a situation eventually becomes your inner dialogue. Circumstances that hurt you, the ones you harbor feelings for, the people you haven’t forgiven. Any situation you face that is similar has the potential to bring you a similar outcome of pain, leading your mind to bring you back to how you handled the first one.

If you want to change your self-talk start by becoming aware of the chatter. Instead of approaching inner dialogue with the intention to change it, just simply become aware of what is already happening. Bring your attention to the tone of voice during challenging times vs. joyful times. Notice how your body may tense up or relax in accordance to the conversation inside your mind. See if you can trace it back to the root judgment that is the cause behind your choices. You may begin to notice the fear of change or a distant memory of a similar situation when you suffered somehow. Once you become aware of the changes you seek you can begin to pause before decision making and decide consciously. Slowly but surely you’ll be rewiring your responses to those that benefit you.

The connection between your experiences and the choices you make is incredible. Make the conscious effort to look closer at it and get a better understanding of who you are choosing to become. Think of the times you’ve made mistakes, took steps back from the huge progress you’ve made and the times you failed. How did you treat yourself mentally?

Were you supportive and forgiving?

Were you kind and understanding, viewing it from more than your personal perspectives?

Did you take the time to listen to how hurt you were as a result?

Did you explore how it made you feel?

Did you treat yourself the way you would a friend?

Most of the time you are your toughest critic, while in a similar situation you would provide warmth and compassion to others. With a more conscious effort, you could start to shift not only your relationship with yourself but your response to the world around you.

If every day you choose to be kind to yourself as a result you would become a kinder human being. The same goes for being critical, understanding, angry and compassionate. It all lies within the choices you make every day. So wake up and pay attention to what you allow into the mind. Because whether you are aware or not there is a constant conversation going on inside you. It’s time you became a part of it.

Healing, MindBody

Practices of a Healthy Mind

Posted on October 11, 2019 by Sabrina Renee

What is Meditation?

“A quality of high attentiveness and concentration. An attitude of open mindedness and curiosity.”

Meditation is the disciplined practice of concentration and focus, whether it be on the breath, a movement, a repeated phrase or an object. It can be done while sitting in a chair or on a mat, standing, lying down, practicing yoga or taking a walk. Essentially, it is the act of paying attention and increasing your focus muscle, inviting a sense of calm and clarity to the mind. This is often misinterpreted as clearing the mind of all thought, but that’s definitely not the point of meditation. It’s about practicing the art of slowing down both mentally and physically.

There is no end goal to meditation. It is a practice meant to be applied throughout your life. The more you practice the better you become at practicing stillness. It’s important not to become discouraged by any difficulty in the beginning. One of the biggest challenges when starting a meditation practice is that there is no instant gratification. The world we live in thrives on immediate answers to questions and solutions to problems. Moreover, our emotions are lacking regulation because we simply don’t take the time to experience them as they occur. It isn’t easy to face the reasons why we feel pulled in 6 different directions at one time, however it is important to get in touch with those reasons.

Slowing down and paying attention is exactly what we need to balance us out in such a fast paced society. It allows us the chance to be present and appreciate what we have in the midst of striving for more. The mind won’t function at a higher rate with the same mentality that burns it out. The definition of insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting new results.

So what is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a practice of awareness. Practicing awareness is bringing your focus to either your thoughts, physical sensations or breathing, whatever is occurring at this moment. When you are being mindful you are utilizing the traits of patience, acceptance, forgiveness, nonjudgment and having a beginner’s mind toward yourself and others. Whether in the form of anxiety or a difficult emotion, we need to start paying attention to our emotions and learn to regulate them in the moment.

Although mindfulness and meditation are both practices they are not one in the same. Mindfulness incorporates the principles listed above and can be practiced at any moment. It is the simple act of paying attention to the minor details that are normally glanced over. Brushing your teeth, showering and walking out of your house, just to name a few. For instance, have you ever driven from one place to another and didn’t remember the actual driving process? After learning how to drive it becomes habitual. The mind kicks in when it’s necessary, like an emergency brake or when traffic breaks so we speed up. But for the majority of the time we allow our autopilot to take over.

If we can allow our awareness to shut off when we are operating a vehicle daily,

how many other vital moments are we missing?

Mindful Awareness Meditation

This is a simple discipline that will both challenge and change you, combining both mindful awareness and meditation into one very powerful practice. First you need something to focus on and in this case it will be your breath. The only way to know when you are distracted is if your attention is on one thing to begin with. The breath is portable, easily accessible and always in the present moment-making it the ideal single point of focus.

Next you’ll need to find a comfortable posture. If you’re choosing a chair I would recommend one without arms to practice proper posture, feet flat on the floor. Placing your palms on your knees, facing the ceiling or resting on your lap (pretend you’re holding a giant imaginary wheel.) Remember you can also lay down and practice on a mat. I wouldn’t suggest doing so on your bed; your body understands that comfort zone as place to sleep, not pay attention.

Finally set a duration of time, preferably 10 minutes to start, and focus on your breath. Your thoughts will absolutely interrupt you and pull you away from your purpose. Some may be unpleasant or fantastical, continue to remind yourself gently why you are sitting here. Keep coming back to the breath. Losing your train of thought is just another form of practicing patience with yourself. Don’t attach expectations of disciplined stillness onto this practice when this is something you’ve never done. And don’t give up at the first sign of frustration!

Struggling to sit in stillness for 10 minutes is why you should continue to practice sitting still.

Practicing Discipline and Responding to Distraction

When you first begin to meditate your thoughts will be running wild. Your mind thinks this way 24/7. The only difference is now you are paying attention to those rapid thoughts. That’s a HUGE step in the direction of progress. Remember meditation is a disciplined practice. Be kind, patient and forgiving toward yourself when losing track of the breath. Keep coming back to the breath over and over and over again.

The time of day you choose to meditate varies for each person. Most of the books I’ve read recommend doing it first thing in the morning to set the tone of the day. I’ve found it helps pairing meditation time with a responsibility or chore. My morning practice takes place after I brush my teeth. I sit on a chair or mat for at least ten minutes, focusing on my breath and visualizing the day ahead. On the days that I am extremely distracted struggling to stay still, I gain the most from my practice. With that experience in mind I know it’s important to continue checking in on my moods and thoughts throughout the day.

Keep coming back! This advice can not be said enough. Come back to your breath, the chair, the reason why you sat still to begin with. Only then will responding to the mental distractions become easier. It’s not about clearing your mind but rather working toward peace of mind. Committing to meditation, even just ten minutes a day will build your awareness of self and increase your ability to regulate emotions.

TRY THIS AT HOME!

If there were a way to slow the chatter of your mind, learn to control your moods, and ultimately become a better person you’d jump on the chance. Meditation is that practice. It is not a quick fix because it’s the journey that is meant to change you. Only in experiencing moments of discomfort are you pushed to fulfill your potential. Practicing stillness makes you grow through what you go through.

Whatever success looks like in your life meditation will only help you get there. Commit to your future self’s mental health and practice meditation for one week, 10 minutes a day. Pay attention to the challenges, not with a judgmental mind but with an open awareness- get to know the real you.

Meditation is not just for religious people, spiritual people, or those who believe in something higher. It’s for those who wish to function optimally in an ever-changing world.

Healing, MindBody

Coping With Anxious Mind

Posted on October 7, 2019January 24, 2023 by Sabrina Renee

“Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.“

-Albert Einstein

If you’ve experienced the power of anxiety you understand that it can often paralyze your mind and body. When your thinking gets hijacked by anxious thoughts it can create havoc in your life and quickly destroy inner peace. It’s possible to understand how to cope with an anxious mind but first, you have to get ahead of it. Taking back your thoughts starts with changing your thinking.

The time to learn how to redirect your thoughts isn’t in the midst of an anxious moment. It isn’t when you’re body is reacting to the emotion you’re experiencing. It definitely isn’t when you’ve already taken a negative action toward yourself or another person. The right time to understand the importance of redirecting your thoughts and shifting your focus is before it arises again.

Coping With An Anxious Mind

Coping with an anxious mind is a marathon, not a sprint and the training is extensive. The mental exhaustion caused by the creation of hypothetical scenarios is enough to keep you indecisive and filled with fear. That same amount of energy can be utilized to rewire the mind to focus the attention on the present moment.

As with all change, it begins with awareness of yourself. It requires a practice of separating the components of anxiety, understanding the mind and body connection, and implementing pause to practice responding appropriately to the experience. The separation exercise is what I use and teach my client, to break anxiety into 3 tangible parts: Thoughts, Physical Sensations, and Behaviors.

Each person’s level of anxiety differs from manageable to debilitating, with multiple levels in between. By understanding the cycle of anxiety you can acquire the tools to combat it when it rears its ugly head, no matter how intense it is. It’s essential to separate yourself from anxiety-producing thoughts such as self-doubt, fear, angst, scarcity, etc. The thinking mind is one of the first things to get hijacked when under anxiety’s grip, therefore it’s important to practice noticing when it begins creeping up.

How to Take Action

The trick to communicating positively with your thinking mind is to ask the right questions. If you ask “why do I feel this way?” you’ll typically start spiraling even quicker into whatever negative emotion you’re feeling. However, if you try asking yourself “how can I feel better?” you’ll get a more direct answer leading you away from how you feel and toward where you want to feel.

What thoughts are you experiencing right now?
What questions am I willing to do to heal from here?
How can I feel stronger? Happier? In control? More confident?

Physical sensations in the body are connected to the thoughts you are thinking, emotions you are feeling, or behaviors you are choosing to act on. An example of this anxiety would be heart palpitations, sweaty palms, dry mouth, tight chest, clenched fists, etc. This is the body reacting to warn you of danger or protect you because it perceives your anxiety as life-threatening.

When you zoom out of the severity of the situation, or when you’ve finally calmed down, it seems silly to have jumped to such intense conclusions. But the truth is the mind and body were working together to keep you safe and protected, from yourself.

The solution? Start paying attention to your body like it’s a science experiment through mindful awareness. This exact process helped me combat debilitating anxiety and I believe with some consistent practice, patience, and a smidge of humor you could do the same.

Start by taking notice of how your body is reacting. State it to yourself without judgment, be curious, open, and present at this moment. Avoid words like good, bad, scary, always, never, happy, sad, exciting, nervous, etc. Describe your experience with facts only, not emotion or past experience.

“My heart is beating very fast, interesting.”

“My palms are sweaty, huh.”

“My breath is shallow.”

“My stomach/chest feels tight.”

After each observation, take a few deep breaths, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. Make your exhalation a bit longer than the inhalation to relax the muscles, letting your mind and body know you are taking control now.

Behaviors are decisions you come to after your thoughts have driven you to choose a particular path. However, behaviors under the influence of anxiety are intoxicated with whatever emotion you are feeling.

For instance, if your anxiety is fueled by fear of public speaking, your thoughts will trick you into thinking you are inadequate, and your physical sensations may be a closed throat and trembling body, therefore your behavior will be to never practice public speaking. Because you were under the influence of fear you’ve lost out on the opportunity to rise to the occasion of trying something new.

To be sure you are choosing your behaviors with a wise mind practicing pause is a significant practice. Before you make a choice under the influence of anxiety pause. Run through the ‘thought questions’, check in with your physical sensations, and decide if you’re capable of making a conscious decision right now.

When your thinking mind has been hijacked by anxiety everything has a sense of urgency, time is flying by, and each decision feels as if it needs to be made quickly. More than likely there is plenty of time to take time to sober up your thinking through deep breaths, come back to the present moment, and make a conscious effort to think clearly again.

Let’s Review

The thoughts in your thinking mind are influenced by the emotions you have or currently are experiencing. These emotions are what fuel the behaviors and decisions you choose. By practicing the separation exercise each day you can get a better understanding of what your triggers are, how they influence your decisions, and what it will take to take control over your thinking.

Remember, you don’t want to consider your exit strategy when the building is already on fire. Start working on your thoughts and noticing what experiences they lead to before you fall into the tight grips of anxiety.

Dealing with anxiety is in no way an easy feat, and rewiring your thinking process won’t be either. The choice you need to make is, which difficult road will bring you closer to solutions and peace of mind?

Love. Heal. Grow.

Learn how to manage your reactions to stress. Click here to join my free Stress Relief Workshop.

Healing

Where It All Began For Me

Posted on September 9, 2019 by Sabrina Renee

Have you ever become a version of yourself that is cringe-worthy to acknowledge?

Have you ever struggled to face yourself in the mirror and the choices you’ve made?

Have you ever lost yourself in someone else’s world?

Where do you even begin to pick up the pieces?

For me it started with the breath.

Sit With Yourself

My journey begins with a life shattering heartbreak, and by life shattering I mean the world as I knew it no longer existed. I didn’t leave because I fell out of love, in fact that’s what made it so hard. The love I felt for my partner was deeper than the love I felt for myself, that’s why I left. My intuition grew so loud that I could no longer ignore the call to walk away, even though I had no idea what life would be like on the other side. Something told me it was time to take the first step away from pain and into something new, even if I couldn’t see the next 100 feet in front of me.

Leaving a toxic relationship left me sad, fragile, and unhealthy. My soul knew I was meant for more, my mind couldn’t escape the life I had just left, and my body was too tired to make a move. After months of anxiety, depression, and essentially living in fight or flight mode, I knew a change needed to be made. There would be no divine intervention, or magical sign from above. It wouldn’t happen if I moved to another country to begin a new life. No matter where I went or what I did, the suffering would follow me, so I knew the change needed to happen from within.

I’ll never forget the day I decided to make a conscious effort to heal my broken self. Lying in a bed with tear soaked tissues and sheets that stunk like me, I finally asked myself “what can you do in this moment to get closer to something better, and away from this feeling?” The answer was to sit. Whether this is the right answer or not I’ll never know, but that was the answer that surfaced for me. I only had energy to change positions, so I went from lying down to sitting up.

It didn’t seem like much but it got my mind working in a different direction, a voice inside my head responded to my action by asking “now what?” Suddenly it hit me. In that moment I realized asking yourself the right questions will lead you to get answers that move you forward. Questions are what either fuel the rumination of negative thoughts or what fuel the momentum in a positive direction. I finally began to see that I did have some control over what I was going through, but I still felt overwhelmed by change. So the next thing I did was close my eyes and let out a huge sigh. I decided to sit and just breathe.

I didn’t know much of what meditation was, or the benefits, or even if I understood at that moment that I was meditating. But I was aware that the only thing I had control over in that moment was my position and my breath, so I went with it. What felt like an hour was most likely just short of 10 minutes, and when I opened my eyes nothing around me changed. I still felt sad, bitter, anxious- although slightly less; but each time I brought my attention back to the exhale something was different. It was in those brief moments that I wasn’t defined by my emotions, my experience, or even my physical sensations. In those tiny glimpses of a second that I could focus on my breath I became the awareness behind my experiences.

Just a glance at a different way of thinking, a simple taste of a slightly better perception, was all I needed to believe my life was in my hands. I started to see the next 100 feet.

And So The Self-Discovering Journey Begins

After that day I vowed to always come back to my breath, no matter where my thoughts take me or what my body wishes we were doing instead of being still. I promised I would sit with my discomfort until it revealed what it was here to teach me. I began to understand that I was operating from 3 different points of view: my past, my present, and my future self. So I decided to explore all of me and get to know my true self. In order for me to heal I needed to know who was controlling my thinking mind in the moment, and how to align it with my current actions. Getting to know my three selves allowed me to accept my painful past, come back to the present moment, and accept the possibility that I could create an even brighter future.

The more I began to control my mindset and attitudes the more my goals of health expanded. It was challenging to look in a mirror, put on clothes, and carry conversations with others because I was so deeply uncomfortable in my own skin. I started asking myself how I wanted to feel, rather than focusing on how low I was feeling, and that began my journey of 3 fold health.

Focusing on health as a three-fold process meant mental, physical, and spiritual healing. In all of these ways I was weak, learning how to use muscles that have been dormant for so long took patience and consistency. I started meditating and writing about my journey daily, while working out 3 times a week. Just getting to the gym on some days was the accomplishment, but as time went on I increased the duration of workouts and amount of times I exercised weekly.

Fitness became an outlet for me to express my strength, growth, and ability to push my own limits. I loved who I was becoming, not because I was putting more weight on or because I was finally using double digit weights, but because I remembered where I started. I knew I wanted to help others find this personal power within themselves, so I began studying to become a personal trainer.

The more I got to know my true self the more I understood I’m not alone in this struggle of self. And just like with the journey of getting stronger physically, I wanted to help others dig deep into their personal power of knowing and loving themselves unconditionally. The deeper I got to know myself the more passionate I became about sharing my knowledge, insights, and experiences with other women who were just as lost as I once was. This sparked the idea to pursue a career of teaching women the power of 3 fold fitness, so I began studying to become a mindfulness teacher.

That Person Led Me Here…

My solution was to forgive myself, accept myself, and become the greatest version of myself- because I owed that to me. I promised the fragile girl crying on the bed I’d grow into the person she needed most that day, a healer. In that moment I would have never believed it to be possible to be who I am today, sharing these messages, loving what I do all while creating positive ripple effects in the world. It’s not about knowing the outcome or having a set deadline for your aspirations. It’s about sitting with yourself, getting to know who that is, having the courage to release all that burdens you and start holding onto what brings you closer to your purpose. The more I aligned my choices, decisions, and daily habits with my future self’s lifestyle, the more I began to attract that way of being into my life. My mission is to help lead you inward to your personal power by opening up and sharing what led me to mine. I don’t believe we all have to hit rock bottom to find our true purpose, and my wish is that you have the courage to believe that whoever you are, and where ever you start, you are enough to make it happen today.