After last week’s migraine scare I made an appointment with a medicine man. It’s something I felt called to do since about September, a card reading I did on Youtube prompted it initially. Something about a health scare coming up soon. That’s when I changed my diet, cut back on caffeine and bought the Cleanse To Heal book by medical medium. I told myself to have no expectations about what would come from this appointment, just that I would remain open and listen.
I put my mask on and walked in. He had me stand by the door until he put his on, what a weird fucking world we live in right now. Looking around at the shelves filled with dozens and dozens of herbs, powders, and mixtures that he prescribes, I already felt better. I chose a medicine man because the last doctor had me on migraine pills indefinitely. Fuck that. I respect that for some people that’s the route to take but I’m not one of those people.
After that appointment I decided to look into more traditional ways of healing, in February I took a book out of the library on the 5 Elements of Self-Healing. Soon after the quarantine began and I ended up keeping the book until the summer, taking notes and learning an introduction of some of my ailments.
He looked at my tongue and in less than 3 seconds told me I had been through some serious trauma throughout my life. By the rhythm and heartbeat within he could tell I’m stressed because I don’t take deep breaths. He found a cyst, discovered my liver needs to be cleansed, and that I’ve been having gut and digestive issues.
The brainfog I had attributed to being an airhead was actually an ailment I’d been suffering for years, along with the anxiety and stress I had normalized. Trying to somehow save face for my physical condition I told him about my dietary and lifestyle changes, how I’m moving my body, drinking water, cut out alcohol, meditating. But he said the trauma, anger, fire had been within me too long and began to compromise my organs-hence the continuous migraines even when I’m not eating trigger foods.
He broke down some technical stuff about the body, and how Chinese medicine sees organs as different types of life force with deep purpose. My poor body. She’s been a victim of my thoughts for so many years and is paying a brutal price. This is going to take serious daily commitment and that scares me. I’ll be doing 6 months of herbal medicine and acupuncture with him, that’s not what scares me.
What scares me is changing my mindset, my habits, my choices, because they directly impact my family. Speaking my mind where I’ve been taught to bite my tongue. Live a truth that’s awkward and uncomfortable. Taking space for myself, to begin a life separate from them so that I can rebuild our connection. I’m scared for what this will mean for the business I’ve put on hold to heal. I’m unsure of who I am without these ties I’m tethered to and what the coming undone process will look like. I’m fearful of standing fully in my truth.
I’m excited for what this means for my health and wellbeing. For the kind of wife I can be when I’m fully healthy and the home I can build for us. I’m looking forward to eating the nourishing foods and hydrating tonics that heal the insides before they manifest on the outside. I’m thankful for my mindful practice and for the clarity I’ve already been experiencing since embracing the truth. I can’t wait for the brain fog to go away so I can see the world as it is, without the blinders of my own limits and traumas.
I feel so much right now, but mostly I’m just happy to be writing again. And getting a life.
mindfullybri.com 