Tag: Love

Posted in Spirituality

Learn to Lead with Love

Posted on by Sabrina Renee

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything, maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

–Paulo Coelho

When you watch an innocent child enter this world you can see them for what they truly are, love. As you look forward to their future it’s filled with hope, endless possibilities, and limitless potential to be chased. Yet somehow, the more you lived your life, that perception of yourself was lost amongst experiences. Hope was traded in for fear, endless possibilities for the known territory of safety, limitless potential for the limited skill set you’ve already acquired.

So what is the difference between your life and the life of a brand new human arriving into the world? They haven’t been shaped by the opinions, restrictions, and defeatist attitudes of the environment around them. But there is something that you have that they must wait years to attain and that’s the wisdom to know you always have a choice.

Humans have the greatest compass of all- emotions, yet we are rarely taught how to utilize them for our benefit. If you are happy, excited, satisfied you are enjoying the moment. If you are sad, afraid, frustrated you are not enjoying the moment. The problem lies with where you place your focus during this time. Most people don’t allow themselves to appreciate and live in the positive feeling emotions because they begin to shift their attention to the fact that it is fleeting. Rather than basking in all the goodness flowing, the focus is on knowing it will be over soon. For the most part, people treat negative emotions differently with way more attention to detail, visualizing future outcomes and fueling the emotion’s fire. Rather than acknowledging that this emotion is also fleeting, the attention instead is focused on how much worse it can get.

Leading with Love or Fear

There are only two choices we make: those rooted in love or in fear. Choices made in fear are a combination of not knowing what will happen next and allowing the outside world’s opinions to penetrate your beliefs. The fearful ones will keep you sheltered from the unknown as a means of protection. The mind and the body have evolved to keep you safe and out of harms way, therefore it is constantly on the lookout for what makes you feel uneasy. Whether it’s a life-threatening reason to be afraid or one that will be incredibly embarrassing, it’s registered as something to stay away from. The mind speaks to the body by sending physical sensations to the body as signals that something wrong is about to happen, such as sweaty palms, tightening of the chest or heart palpitations. The goal of the mind and body system is to keep you away from what you fear, even if life is completely safe.

The choices rooted in love come from the heart and the soul, speaking to the desires that are innate within your being. When you make a decision to lead with love you bring yourself closer to who you’re becoming, which is really who you’ve always been. This doesn’t necessarily mean that each choice made in love will be easy to walk toward but they will feel right. Choices in love are led by your inner voice or intuition, this is different from the self-talk that happens in the mind. Intuition is a feeling of alignment or misalignment about behaviors or choices being made, whereas self-talk can be a mixture of doubt, fear, insecurity, and curiosity. To understand whether you are leading with love or with fear, bring awareness to your body as you consider your choices. If you’re feeling tension, dis-ease, and contracting your muscles-that is rooted in fear. If you’re feeling open, relaxed, and embracing the thought-that is your intuition. Always move forward with love and you’ll be led to what’s meant for you.

How to Use Your Emotional Compass

As always the first step to creating change, particularly an emotional or behavioral one, is by becoming aware of that which needs changing. Considering this is a habit you’ve picked up throughout your life it’ll be difficult to even remember to try and shift your thinking on it. So you need a trigger.

A trigger is something that alerts you when an emotion or behavior is prompted to occur. Personally I’ve struggled with emotional eating, whenever I began to feel a strong emotion occur I feel the urge to eat something. It’s a momentary pleasure that tricks my mind into thinking I’ll feel better once I act on the impulse. The trigger is the emotion, the impulse is to eat. Once I began to raise my awareness of what was causing the urge I was able to stay ahead of the feeling. Now it’s time to find what it is that’s triggering you, the following practice can be used for negative or positive emotion.

Practice

In your mind’s eye begin to think of a time in the past where you were happy. Get as specific as possible with this memory by bringing your 5 senses into the mix. Bring to mind what you were wearing, if you were eating or drinking something, take note of the temperature and any sounds around you. Remember how long that feeling of happiness lasted and whether it ended abruptly.

Did a thought interrupt it? If so, what was the thought?

Was it a physical sensation in your body that shifted your focus?

Make the connection that once you’ve taken your mind off of what delivered you happiness you are now taken into your thinking mind.

You are no longer in the present moment and it’s always waiting there for you again.

Bring yourself back to the now with a deep inhale recalling the happiness you felt.

As you exhale release the focus of the thinking mind and any tension in your body.

Staying True To Who You Always Were

The babies that enter this world are at their purest form, created by, embodying, and deserving of unconditional love. They are beings of wonder, curiosity, and emerging awareness. As they enter a world they know nothing about, it is the job of the parents and loving community to nurture this child. Nurturing extends far beyond food, water, warmth, and safety- these are the essential baselines.

Another type of nourishment is allowing them to embrace the song that sings in their hearts, dance to the message within their soul, explore the world with an open curiosity in an attempt to understand without judgment. But most importantly, those who are growing up need to understand that this journey will shape them, the world around them will try to change them, people will work tirelessly to instill fear and doubt into their precious minds.

These babies that grow into the people reading this post need to know they always have a choice to remain true to who they are. The choice begins when you acknowledge that you are enough, complete, and whole as you are at this moment. I pray that you choose to believe that, today and always.

Know Better: Magic vs Logic

Since childhood my head has been filled with extraordinary ideas. Any idea that I was passionate about I held on to tight. I would dream about it, write about it, talk about it and begin to work towards it. Thinking it through with logic and dissecting what could go wrong if I pursued it was never a strong suit of mine. In fact I don’t believe any child should follow a dream with that kind of thinking. If I wanted it and believed in it there was no reason in sight why it couldn’t become a reality. Having others share my excitement and enthusiasm for these ideas was of great importance to me, sometimes just as important as my own opinion. If someone close to me did not agree, or see the possibilities, I allowed the negativity to take over.

 

When I would share these thoughts I held high expectations to the responses people gave me. If I didn’t receive positive feedback it felt as if someone let the air out of my dream. I was discouraged, frustrated and let down. I allowed other people’s reaction to validate my way of viewing the world. Some couldn’t fathom how it could be done while others gave me reasons as to why it would be too hard to accomplish. After a while the points were making complete sense and logic seemed so much stronger than magic ever could be.

 

 

In order for me to truly be happy and keep my passion alive I knew had to change my idea of acceptance. It took years for me to see how detrimental it is to give anyone that type of power over a decision that is ultimately my own to make. Everyone has different mindsets to go with different dreams and no one needs to agree for it to be possible. I decided I was no longer going to allow approval or validation to come from anywhere other than within.

 

 

As a grown woman I have vowed to keep the passionate child within me alive. The difference is now I am careful who I share my ideas with. I am conscious of the energies that wish me well and those who do not. At times I still find myself becoming discouraged due to the actions or beliefs of others, particularly if they are hurtful. Instead of getting frustrated I have decided to thank myself for being able to notice when my emotions take the lead, forgive myself and begin again.

 

 

It has not always been easy to turn a negative circumstance into a positive lesson. It takes moments of stillness to collect my thoughts and constant reminders to forgive and be kind. It takes a great amount of mental discipline to keep all of this in mind while remembering never to take it personal. I must extend these feelings of love and acceptance to those around me as well, especially for those who do not wish the same for me. Being mindful of my sensitivity toward actions out of my control has proven to be a way of strengthening my patience and understanding. It has also taught me that the intentions of others are not to prohibit me from striving toward my ultimate goal. This obstacle continues to appear in different times and events along my path, helping me grow into the person who is capable of becoming successful while remaining full of compassion, empathy and love.

 

 

 

Logic states something is valid within a particular set of principles and/or strict rules.

Magic gives us the freedom to believe anything is possible.

 

Believe.

 

 

 

#StayMindful

 

Posted in Mindfulness, Personal Growth

A Day of Mindfulness: A Life Long Messsage

Posted on by Sabrina Renee

A Sunday well spent

 

At 7:45 am I set off to the Blue Cliff monastery which is surrounded by mountains in upstate New York. The ride was about an hour and a half, 45 minutes consisted of miles and miles of immense trees. It began to drizzle and quickly stopped, as the grey clouds separated revealing a beautiful autumn sky. The closer I got to the mountains the fluffier they became, almost as if the clouds were aware of my plans and were conspiring to set the tone. After having an intense week filled with stress and responsibilities I had been counting down the minutes until I began my day of mindfulness. It was finally here.

 

Upon my arrival the monks and visitors had already begun singing Buddhist songs of love and peace, setting a welcoming vibe as I walked across Mindfulness Road to join them. As we put hands together in gratitude I looked around at the handful of people I’ve never met and yet felt at home with. Experiencing different walks of life that inevitably brought us all together for a day of peace and calm. Collectively we bowed our heads and set an intention before starting our mindful walk through the forest. For the mindful walks I have done in the past I usually focus my attention on my feet; slowly placing my left heel down and then my right, almost as if I’m walking in slow motion. This time I decided to change my intention to focusing on my breath and simply appreciating life.

 

If you’ve never heard of or experienced a mindful walk I highly suggest giving it a try. There are many different types of mindful practices, all of which consist of paying attention to an action, or actions that we usually don’t give a second thought to. We are turning off our autopilot and noticing it as if it were the first time. The mindful walk allows us a chance to view walking from a different perspective. We get from one point to another and often never pay attention to the in between. The how. It helps us practice gratitude for this simple act that we do every day.

 

For the most part the mindful walk was silent, only the sounds of footsteps crunching twigs and the wind that kept us company. When we first began it was difficult to silence my thoughts, especially because I had such a stressful week. It felt as if every second my mind thought of something else to distract me. Whether it was wandering into responsibilities waiting for me at home or replaying the events of the past week, focusing was difficult. Remembering my intention was to focus on my breath, I reminded myself of just that, over and over and OVER again. After walking for about 30 minutes we paused for a few moments to just be. Be grateful, be patient, be still.  Above me trees were swaying while others were immovable, all of them unapologetically beautiful in their stance. There were tiny chipmunks unseen but absolutely heard, while the birds were quietly in the open. Our walk continued and there were many different statues of Buddha surrounded by piles of 3 rocks on top of one another. People interpret this in different ways. I saw this as a chance to acknowledge that I was at peace and that I have the power to cultivate this at anytime.

 

 

“By realizing my emotion I understand impermanence.”

After our mindful walk through the forest we were given sometime to ourselves before sitting in on the dharma talk. I chose to use this time to watch the clouds of course, after all this is my favorite pass time. They were so beautiful I almost lost track of time. The breeze picked up and blew cool mountain air all around. I felt peace of mind for the first time in…I can’t remember when. I headed over to listen to the wisdom of the monk speaking. As she walked in, and again when she sat down, we joined our hands and bowed in gratitude together. Before beginning we collectively paid our respects to those who lost their live 15 years prior on the morning of September 11th. Strangers coming together to create a peaceful and loving feel on such a profound morning. The energy in the room was comforting.

 

The topic of the talk overall was how our emotions change due to the behavior of others. The example given was when someone does something we do not like we put them in a negative category in our mind. Once someone, or an event, is placed into a particular category it is not likely that we will cleanse our mind of those thoughts and labels. This got me thinking about the stressors I have been experiencing and the labels I have created for them. Just as I had experienced a bad day, or few days, so could the people who upset me. I felt my judgment toward them melt away. I decided that every being in my life had the right to a clean slate, just like me. We were then given a breathing exercise to try: when we inhale we realize the emotion that we are currently feeling, when we exhale we acknowledge the behavior caused by these powerful emotions. Listening to her speak was a life changing experience for me. Her words flowed through the room as if this were all so simply to understand, therefore easy to embody the next time an obstacle feels impossible to get through. Later on in the day I practiced this meditation next to a statue of Buddha and placed my own three rocks atop one another.

 

She continued on to explain the concept of nondualism. “We are not the same, but we are not different.” What I took from this is that we are all interconnected and yet still individuals who can not be compared to one another. As the lesson continued I began to understand how our emotions tie into nondualism. When a person or event causes us to experience a certain emotion we are quick to judge, and often not change the judgment we have passed until another experience occurs. This is because we have judged ourselves as well, creating an us vs them mentality. Nondualism embodies the principle that we do not have to have similar interests, lifestyles or mindsets for us to thrive together as human beings. It is imperative for humanity to accept that difference does not mean distance, rather it could present the possibility for an opportunity of understanding another way of life. The broader we expand our horizons the faster we break down the barriers between knowledge and ignorance, comfort and fear. When the dharma talk concluded I felt a shift in my being. I felt a boost of confidence in my ability to spread peace and love. Above all else I felt compelled to share these beautiful words with as many people as possible. If you’ve read this until the end, thank you. Do not underestimate the power of positivity. Please pass it on to someone who can benefit from these lessons. Namaste.
#StayMindful

Posted in Poems

Freedom

Posted on by Sabrina Renee

We must let go.

Of people and the expectations we hold them to.

Of the plans we make and the promises they broke.

Of the pain yesterday held and the uncertainty of tomorrow.

 

We must let go of the idea of changing others.

Of the thought that we can make them understand.

Of the illusion that we can abolish ignorance.

Of the countless times we see what we want to see.

 

We must let go of toxicity.

Of the anger we built up so high.

Of the sadness we allow to consume us.

Of the regret that stains our past.

 

We must let go of fantasies.

Of the power we believe holding on gives.

Of the idea that we are strong to do so.

Of the fear that life as we know it must change.

 

We must let go to be free

We must forgive all

And it must start with me.

 

Posted in Mindfulness, Self-Love

I wish I were here

Posted on by Sabrina Renee

It is too heavy to hold on to the mistakes we have made in the past. It is too vast of thought to worry about what-ifs. The only logical way to live is in the moment. Right now life is happening to us.

We are creating memories, overcoming obstacles, laughing out loud or crying about a devastating loss. Living life to its fullest potential comes with experiencing emotion with great intensity. It is easy to become frightened by what we experience deeply but we should never let this fear make us cowardly.

We should embrace all of our feelings, whether we label them negative or positive. We must remain present with them. We heal and learn through the worst of times by understanding that it is temporary. We rejoice and celebrate through the best times by being grateful because it is temporary.

Letting go of anything but the present I feel light and full, together. Worries are lifted from me while acceptance keeps me grounded at this moment.

In the past when I have experienced pure joy I notice myself go from being fulfilled to questioning its intensity and duration of stay. I used to doubt everything in front of me because I knew it would change, maybe not soon but sometime down the road. Instead of using the time to appreciate my life at the moment I would anticipate how it could be, ultimately wasting my thoughts on ones that cannot be answered without experiencing it.

Our brains are programmed to be one step ahead but our memories push that even further and begin expecting the worst. We associate whatever situation we are currently going through with a time when it didn’t work out.

Reminding future me how much it hurt consequently steals the well deserved moment of happiness from the present me. It is almost as if our brain is training us to get hurt, to get disappointed, to get our hearts broken but we could never really be prepared.

To be mindful is to accept without judgment that this is your life today. What we think we become so the answer lies within us. When our mind brings us to the negativity we have to stop those thoughts by taking deep breaths and remembering to be still.

Be here with the happiness you will one day miss, be here with the sadness that will one day pass, and be here with the people that could be gone tomorrow.

Today I choose to be awake. I feel with the same intensity I always have just with an added understanding that I do not own this feeling. I possess it for the time being and will make the best out of it. It may hurt me or it may heal me but it will always teach me.

Nothing is too good to be true, we are all deserving of happiness and goodness in our lives. Our minds are just not entirely sure how to receive such joy without matching it with disappointment. Letdowns and bumps in the road are guaranteed but the happiness you feel at this very moment in time is not. Someone wishes they could feel that way.

At some point in your life, YOU probably wished for this feeling to overcome you. When it does do not hold on to it for it is not yours. Do not let go simply because it may one day fade. Be with everything you feel until it is time for it to pass and keep your heart open for what lies ahead.

Stay Mindful