A 4 Step Guide to Calm

Posted on November 24, 2019May 24, 2023 by Sabrina Renee

How is Stress affecting you?

Stress is experienced through various channels such as mental, emotional, personal, and relational. Whether it be a thought or experience out of your control, the stressor that has triggered an emotion becomes a part of you as energy.

Stress can turn into physical tension, emotional baggage, mental health issues or problematic behavior in the relationships in your life. There are certain stressors that are simply apart of life however, their impact on your wellbeing should not be as easily accepted.

The way you perceive the world plays a pivotal role in how you are reacting to the stress that occurs. Your perception of others is a mirror of what is happening within you. Therefore the gateway to responding consciously to stressful situations in your life is to raise your level of self-awareness.

After years of studying mindful awareness and stress reduction, I’ve come up with a simple practice that reminds you of how to remain calm and come back to the present moment.

Learn to Check Your G.E.E.K.

Gratitude, ego, expectation, and kindness are the 4 prompts that help ground you when experiencing strong negative emotions. This practice can be used when you are frustrated with yourself, angry with another person, or with a circumstance that happened outside of your control.

Below you’ll learn the power G.E.E.K and how to practice it.

Gratitude: Set an intention of APPRECIATION

Gratitude is the answer to living a happy life. The best way to practice gratitude is to find the good in what frustrates you and what you view as a problem. Everything is an opportunity to practice patience and growth. If you can begin to shift your perspective to thinking this way you are making progress.

Ego: Set an intention of EMPATHY

The ego is always living in the past or the future. It is threatened when you experience a negative emotion and will encourage any thinking that involves staying angry or retaliation. Often times it feels natural to lead with egoic thinking as a default. Practicing pause to ask the following questions is an interruption to emotionally driven thinking, giving you the chance to reframe your thoughts to problem-solving not problem sulking.

Expectation: Set an intention of PATIENCE

Expectations are always attached to particular outcomes you assume will unfold, often without awareness. Therefore both disappointment and happiness can be tied into the expectations you set for yourself and others. When overcome with intense emotion work to find the root of the issue by understanding what expectations allowed you to feel this way.

Kindness: Set an intention of COMPASSION

Practice a kind and generous way of thinking, being, and living. The way you treat yourself will reflect on the relationships you form in your life. Bring attention to negative self-talk and practice a compassionate inner language.

fashion woman notebook pen

Practices and Journal Prompts

for Finding Calm

The following questions are meant to interrupt your emotional mind from wanting to react and encourage you to shift your perception to one of compassion. Before you more on to the next intention and set of questions be sure to pause and take 3-5 deep breaths.

While you are in the midst of a pause your breath is the tool that will navigate you through what your autopilot would normally take care of. When focusing on your breath you are bringing the mind into the present moment to truly process and comprehend what’s happening and what follows.

The more you practice pausing the more you will continuously interrupt an unpleasant habit of thinking, which would most likely lead to unpleasant behavior. This is the way to control your moods.

(GRATITUDE)

With the intention of appreciation in mind, ask yourself:

Finding 3 things to be grateful for in what is currently causing you to suffer. Finding appreciation in that which causes you unpleasantness is the ultimate shift from victim to wisdom.

Ask yourself, how can I find the goodness in those who test my patience?

Notice the power of gratitude and the positive shifts you’re making with your thoughts before moving onto exploring ego.

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale invite a smile of appreciation for doing the inner work to shift your perspective of yourself and others.

(EGO)

**With the intention of empathy in mind, ask yourself:**

Am I comparing myself with someone else rather than expressing compassion for them? If so, how healthy is it to be comparing myself to others right now?

That which frustrates you can often be a mirror for areas of improvement in your life. Ask yourself, can I honestly see my own mistakes/shortcomings mirrored back to me?

What ways can I practice letting go?

How can I practice empathy to better understand this circumstance? Or the perspective of the other person?

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale extend understanding to yourself and others who may be experiencing suffering in any way. Clear your mind and welcome a clean slate for a fresh perspective.

(EXPECTATION)

With the intention of patience in mind, ask yourself:

Whenever we feel disappointed, frustrated or upset it is due to an expectation we set for ourselves or for another. With that in mind ask yourself:

What expectations have I set that allowed me to experience this emotion?

Understanding your control lies within the response, not the circumstance is a powerful realization. Ask yourself

What is a positive way to respond to this situation?

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale release your grip on this situation. Clear your mind and welcome a clean slate for a fresh perspective.

(KINDNESS)

With the intention of compassion in mind, ask yourself:

After analyzing this situation with an open-minded perspective it is important that you end your thoughts on a note of kindness. Ask yourself:

Am I being kind to myself in this circumstance?

Consider the voice that’s been answering these questions for you. How was the tone of that voice? Were you gentle with your responses or did they surface as harsh?

If you noticed judgment in your self-talk try replacing it with a response you would say to a friend in your situation. Be understanding, kind and positive.

Am I being kind to those around me?

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale invite kind circumstances to yourself and others. Clear your mind and welcome a clean slate for a fresh perspective.

If you’re feeling better about the situation move forward with compassion and inner trust that all is unfolding as it needs to. If not, go back to the top and spend a little longer on whichever section is speaking to you. Use this practice as much as you need to. Take note of the questions that caused you to pause a bit longer or challenged your thinking.

Checking your G.E.E.K. can be a short in the moment practice or a longer one for deeper reflection. However, you use it be sure to embody the intentions you set before asking yourself questions that raise your self-awareness.

Remember that change begins with awareness of self, and it starts with you.

LOVE. HEAL. GROW.

Spirituality

Learn to Lead with Love

Posted on October 20, 2019 by Sabrina Renee

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything, maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

–Paulo Coelho

When you watch an innocent child enter this world you can see them for what they truly are, love. As you look forward to their future it’s filled with hope, endless possibilities, and limitless potential to be chased. Yet somehow, the more you lived your life, that perception of yourself was lost amongst experiences. Hope was traded in for fear, endless possibilities for the known territory of safety, limitless potential for the limited skill set you’ve already acquired.

So what is the difference between your life and the life of a brand new human arriving into the world? They haven’t been shaped by the opinions, restrictions, and defeatist attitudes of the environment around them. But there is something that you have that they must wait years to attain and that’s the wisdom to know you always have a choice.

Humans have the greatest compass of all- emotions, yet we are rarely taught how to utilize them for our benefit. If you are happy, excited, satisfied you are enjoying the moment. If you are sad, afraid, frustrated you are not enjoying the moment. The problem lies with where you place your focus during this time. Most people don’t allow themselves to appreciate and live in the positive feeling emotions because they begin to shift their attention to the fact that it is fleeting. Rather than basking in all the goodness flowing, the focus is on knowing it will be over soon. For the most part, people treat negative emotions differently with way more attention to detail, visualizing future outcomes and fueling the emotion’s fire. Rather than acknowledging that this emotion is also fleeting, the attention instead is focused on how much worse it can get.

Leading with Love or Fear

There are only two choices we make: those rooted in love or in fear. Choices made in fear are a combination of not knowing what will happen next and allowing the outside world’s opinions to penetrate your beliefs. The fearful ones will keep you sheltered from the unknown as a means of protection. The mind and the body have evolved to keep you safe and out of harms way, therefore it is constantly on the lookout for what makes you feel uneasy. Whether it’s a life-threatening reason to be afraid or one that will be incredibly embarrassing, it’s registered as something to stay away from. The mind speaks to the body by sending physical sensations to the body as signals that something wrong is about to happen, such as sweaty palms, tightening of the chest or heart palpitations. The goal of the mind and body system is to keep you away from what you fear, even if life is completely safe.

The choices rooted in love come from the heart and the soul, speaking to the desires that are innate within your being. When you make a decision to lead with love you bring yourself closer to who you’re becoming, which is really who you’ve always been. This doesn’t necessarily mean that each choice made in love will be easy to walk toward but they will feel right. Choices in love are led by your inner voice or intuition, this is different from the self-talk that happens in the mind. Intuition is a feeling of alignment or misalignment about behaviors or choices being made, whereas self-talk can be a mixture of doubt, fear, insecurity, and curiosity. To understand whether you are leading with love or with fear, bring awareness to your body as you consider your choices. If you’re feeling tension, dis-ease, and contracting your muscles-that is rooted in fear. If you’re feeling open, relaxed, and embracing the thought-that is your intuition. Always move forward with love and you’ll be led to what’s meant for you.

How to Use Your Emotional Compass

As always the first step to creating change, particularly an emotional or behavioral one, is by becoming aware of that which needs changing. Considering this is a habit you’ve picked up throughout your life it’ll be difficult to even remember to try and shift your thinking on it. So you need a trigger.

A trigger is something that alerts you when an emotion or behavior is prompted to occur. Personally I’ve struggled with emotional eating, whenever I began to feel a strong emotion occur I feel the urge to eat something. It’s a momentary pleasure that tricks my mind into thinking I’ll feel better once I act on the impulse. The trigger is the emotion, the impulse is to eat. Once I began to raise my awareness of what was causing the urge I was able to stay ahead of the feeling. Now it’s time to find what it is that’s triggering you, the following practice can be used for negative or positive emotion.

Practice

In your mind’s eye begin to think of a time in the past where you were happy. Get as specific as possible with this memory by bringing your 5 senses into the mix. Bring to mind what you were wearing, if you were eating or drinking something, take note of the temperature and any sounds around you. Remember how long that feeling of happiness lasted and whether it ended abruptly.

Did a thought interrupt it? If so, what was the thought?

Was it a physical sensation in your body that shifted your focus?

Make the connection that once you’ve taken your mind off of what delivered you happiness you are now taken into your thinking mind.

You are no longer in the present moment and it’s always waiting there for you again.

Bring yourself back to the now with a deep inhale recalling the happiness you felt.

As you exhale release the focus of the thinking mind and any tension in your body.

Staying True To Who You Always Were

The babies that enter this world are at their purest form, created by, embodying, and deserving of unconditional love. They are beings of wonder, curiosity, and emerging awareness. As they enter a world they know nothing about, it is the job of the parents and loving community to nurture this child. Nurturing extends far beyond food, water, warmth, and safety- these are the essential baselines.

Another type of nourishment is allowing them to embrace the song that sings in their hearts, dance to the message within their soul, explore the world with an open curiosity in an attempt to understand without judgment. But most importantly, those who are growing up need to understand that this journey will shape them, the world around them will try to change them, people will work tirelessly to instill fear and doubt into their precious minds.

These babies that grow into the people reading this post need to know they always have a choice to remain true to who they are. The choice begins when you acknowledge that you are enough, complete, and whole as you are at this moment. I pray that you choose to believe that, today and always.

Practices

3 Evening Routine Tips to Increase Your Daily Productivity

Posted on October 17, 2019 by Sabrina Renee

Having an Intentional Routine

Everyone talks about the importance of a morning routine meanwhile, the evening is neglected. Although I am an advocate for having an intentional and considerate routine once that alarm goes off, I also know the importance of preparing for rest in the evening.

A routine at the beginning of the day emphasized the importance of getting ahead of the day. But as the day goes on you collect energies, experiences, and beliefs about what transpired. Some days are likely going to be more demanding than others, which can often cause people to come home without the thought of dealing with what they’re feeling. Instead, they say “I can’t wait for this day to end” while looking forward to crashing in bed and hoping tomorrow will be better. But as the great Rachel Hollis says, hope is not a strategy. If you want things to go in a more progressive direction it takes planning and conscious effort to execute those actions.

If you’re being intentional about how you start the day and careless about how you end the day, what are you bringing to bed with you every night?

Releasing the day

The subconscious mind is retaining information at all times and is most susceptible once you wake up and before you go to sleep. Therefore the behaviors you engage in at the end of the day are making a massive impact on your belief system. Let’s say you had a negative interaction with a co-worker or classmate before heading home that left a bad taste in your mouth. By choosing not to unpack what happened, how it made you feel, and what behavior occurs as a result, you are adding a sense of heaviness to your evening. All of which you take to sleep with you among the thousands of other thoughts.

Start letting go of whatever you are holding onto. Each night reflect on what has affected you the most emotionally, how it weighs on you mentally, and decide how you can begin to release its mental grip on you. The way to invite a more peaceful way of thinking is to ask yourself questions that guide you toward calm. After you allow yourself the chance to accept what has already happened, you can begin to detach from the worry or false sense of control that follows. Bring to mind all the ways you gave your all and acknowledge that at this moment the best thing you can do is be at peace with what has already occurred.

What am I willing to improve?

For most people letting go is a challenging thought, so it helps to put it into practice by considering the ways the can improve next time. Whether you can anticipate the situation arising again soon or down the road at some point, bring to mind what is giving you the most difficulty. How did you handle it this time around? What worked for you and what didn’t? If you could go back and make a better decision, what would it be?

Before getting to the part where you ask questions on how you are willing to improve, you have to come to an understanding that what’s done is done. There is no going back and changing the past but you do have the opportunity to learn from it. Take that drop of wisdom and apply it to your mental arsenal for the next time you come across a similar circumstance. At the end of each day, your checklist isn’t always going to prove you did your best, but you can always learn to be better by checking in.

Morning Routine Starts at Night

The responsibilities of tomorrow begin hours before they are completed. Some people visualize their results, others plan out meticulously, some people do both of these and more. Preparing the night before is a successful habit to ensure you get the most of your time each morning. If you wake up early plan your outfit the night before, have an idea of what you’ll have for breakfast and what you’ll dedicate your first hour doing/having or being.

After practicing what to release and how you’ll improve, you have a clear idea of the type of person you want to become. Maybe you’ve realized you’re lacking patience or that you could practice more kindness to yourself and others. Maybe after reflecting on your day you see that you’re just going through the motions and wish to be more intentional. Maybe you’re exhausted and want to find pockets of the day to recharge so that you may be your best self. Whatever you choose to bring attention to at night could easily be your focus the following day.

Let’s Review

The three things to incorporate into your evening routine to increase your productivity the next day are: releasing the day, asking yourself where you are willing to improve, and starting your morning routine at night. It’s time that you prioritize your evening routine as much as your morning routine because both of these times are sacred. Each routine provides a sense of stability, reflection, awareness, and the opportunity to become a better version of who you are. If you’re allowing the evening to be driven by the demand of the day you’re missing out on the chance to be more productive and mindful being. Start your evening routine tonight and set yourself up for a better tomorrow.

MindBody

How To Start Your Morning

Posted on October 14, 2019 by Sabrina Renee

The choices you make at the beginning of the day set the tone for the rest of your day. This is the most important time of your day to practice mindful awareness. First consider the initial thoughts as the day begins. Then consider the time you prioritize for getting ready, as well as transportation to work or school.

Is your attention focused on what you have to do or are you enjoying the first moments of your day? Do you stretch out your body or jump out of bed and into your routine? Are you allowing enough time between your alarm and the moment you need to arrive somewhere? At any point have you expressed gratitude for simply waking up and having the opportunity to begin again?

Mindset
Notice if your thoughts are focused on what needs to be done next and bring them back to right now. Your thoughts live in the future, taking you away from the present. If you find these thoughts are negative tell yourself “Today will be a great day because” and name three reasons.

Body
Check in with how you are feeling today. Notice the sensations in your body, any tightness or tension you’re holding. Take a deep breath and on the exhale relax your body. Bring attention to all five senses and practice gratitude for being able to use them all for another day.

Responsibilities
When looking ahead into your day do so with an attitude of gratitude. Instead of viewing your responsibilities as chores or burdens, appreciate all of the amenities these responsibilities have brought you. Give thanks for your job, for your ability to go to school, to drive or find transportation to anywhere you need to be.

Setting Intentions for The Day

Overwhelm is experienced when you lack preparation. Plan the day out first thing in the morning with an intention. An intention is an attitude or way of being that you aim for throughout the day. The most fitting intention is to become aware, starting with your thoughts.

A few other intentions that would help you optimize your day:

Patience
Positive outlook
Gratitude
Kindness
Confidence
Productivity
Practice pause
Practice stillness
Focus
Clarity

If you’re reading this in the middle of the day you can still set an intention for the remainder of your day. Change doesn’t happen when you get a fresh start. It happens when you become aware of your choices and make a conscious effort to choose something better for your mental and physical health. Start by setting an intention, by checking in with your thoughts, by being grateful for this very moment. Just start.

Healing, MindBody

Practices of a Healthy Mind

Posted on October 11, 2019 by Sabrina Renee

What is Meditation?

“A quality of high attentiveness and concentration. An attitude of open mindedness and curiosity.”

Meditation is the disciplined practice of concentration and focus, whether it be on the breath, a movement, a repeated phrase or an object. It can be done while sitting in a chair or on a mat, standing, lying down, practicing yoga or taking a walk. Essentially, it is the act of paying attention and increasing your focus muscle, inviting a sense of calm and clarity to the mind. This is often misinterpreted as clearing the mind of all thought, but that’s definitely not the point of meditation. It’s about practicing the art of slowing down both mentally and physically.

There is no end goal to meditation. It is a practice meant to be applied throughout your life. The more you practice the better you become at practicing stillness. It’s important not to become discouraged by any difficulty in the beginning. One of the biggest challenges when starting a meditation practice is that there is no instant gratification. The world we live in thrives on immediate answers to questions and solutions to problems. Moreover, our emotions are lacking regulation because we simply don’t take the time to experience them as they occur. It isn’t easy to face the reasons why we feel pulled in 6 different directions at one time, however it is important to get in touch with those reasons.

Slowing down and paying attention is exactly what we need to balance us out in such a fast paced society. It allows us the chance to be present and appreciate what we have in the midst of striving for more. The mind won’t function at a higher rate with the same mentality that burns it out. The definition of insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting new results.

So what is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a practice of awareness. Practicing awareness is bringing your focus to either your thoughts, physical sensations or breathing, whatever is occurring at this moment. When you are being mindful you are utilizing the traits of patience, acceptance, forgiveness, nonjudgment and having a beginner’s mind toward yourself and others. Whether in the form of anxiety or a difficult emotion, we need to start paying attention to our emotions and learn to regulate them in the moment.

Although mindfulness and meditation are both practices they are not one in the same. Mindfulness incorporates the principles listed above and can be practiced at any moment. It is the simple act of paying attention to the minor details that are normally glanced over. Brushing your teeth, showering and walking out of your house, just to name a few. For instance, have you ever driven from one place to another and didn’t remember the actual driving process? After learning how to drive it becomes habitual. The mind kicks in when it’s necessary, like an emergency brake or when traffic breaks so we speed up. But for the majority of the time we allow our autopilot to take over.

If we can allow our awareness to shut off when we are operating a vehicle daily,

how many other vital moments are we missing?

Mindful Awareness Meditation

This is a simple discipline that will both challenge and change you, combining both mindful awareness and meditation into one very powerful practice. First you need something to focus on and in this case it will be your breath. The only way to know when you are distracted is if your attention is on one thing to begin with. The breath is portable, easily accessible and always in the present moment-making it the ideal single point of focus.

Next you’ll need to find a comfortable posture. If you’re choosing a chair I would recommend one without arms to practice proper posture, feet flat on the floor. Placing your palms on your knees, facing the ceiling or resting on your lap (pretend you’re holding a giant imaginary wheel.) Remember you can also lay down and practice on a mat. I wouldn’t suggest doing so on your bed; your body understands that comfort zone as place to sleep, not pay attention.

Finally set a duration of time, preferably 10 minutes to start, and focus on your breath. Your thoughts will absolutely interrupt you and pull you away from your purpose. Some may be unpleasant or fantastical, continue to remind yourself gently why you are sitting here. Keep coming back to the breath. Losing your train of thought is just another form of practicing patience with yourself. Don’t attach expectations of disciplined stillness onto this practice when this is something you’ve never done. And don’t give up at the first sign of frustration!

Struggling to sit in stillness for 10 minutes is why you should continue to practice sitting still.

Practicing Discipline and Responding to Distraction

When you first begin to meditate your thoughts will be running wild. Your mind thinks this way 24/7. The only difference is now you are paying attention to those rapid thoughts. That’s a HUGE step in the direction of progress. Remember meditation is a disciplined practice. Be kind, patient and forgiving toward yourself when losing track of the breath. Keep coming back to the breath over and over and over again.

The time of day you choose to meditate varies for each person. Most of the books I’ve read recommend doing it first thing in the morning to set the tone of the day. I’ve found it helps pairing meditation time with a responsibility or chore. My morning practice takes place after I brush my teeth. I sit on a chair or mat for at least ten minutes, focusing on my breath and visualizing the day ahead. On the days that I am extremely distracted struggling to stay still, I gain the most from my practice. With that experience in mind I know it’s important to continue checking in on my moods and thoughts throughout the day.

Keep coming back! This advice can not be said enough. Come back to your breath, the chair, the reason why you sat still to begin with. Only then will responding to the mental distractions become easier. It’s not about clearing your mind but rather working toward peace of mind. Committing to meditation, even just ten minutes a day will build your awareness of self and increase your ability to regulate emotions.

TRY THIS AT HOME!

If there were a way to slow the chatter of your mind, learn to control your moods, and ultimately become a better person you’d jump on the chance. Meditation is that practice. It is not a quick fix because it’s the journey that is meant to change you. Only in experiencing moments of discomfort are you pushed to fulfill your potential. Practicing stillness makes you grow through what you go through.

Whatever success looks like in your life meditation will only help you get there. Commit to your future self’s mental health and practice meditation for one week, 10 minutes a day. Pay attention to the challenges, not with a judgmental mind but with an open awareness- get to know the real you.

Meditation is not just for religious people, spiritual people, or those who believe in something higher. It’s for those who wish to function optimally in an ever-changing world.