As I write this I’m reminiscing about my homemade baked goods yesterday as I adjust the cheap tablecloth my laptop is sitting on. Right up until our first guest arrived I was baking my first attempt at a 2-layer cake which was a major highlight for me. Although the steps were simple it was the follow-through I was proud of, I have a tendency to get excited when making the fire but sustaining the flames proves difficult.
But there’s something about this place, my new home, that’s proving to be different altogether. And I think I’ve figured out why.
Yesterday I threw a 90s theme 30th with long-time friends at the brand new townhome I moved to at the beginning of the month. Add to that the confidence-boosting haircut I got the day before I moved, you could say I was vibing high.
My home and heart were filled with good vibes the day of the party. From the moment I woke up to the end of the day the energy was funny and loving. My friends got the most intentional and heartfelt gifts I could have received, right down to the wording in each card. At the end of the night, as Ivan and I were cleaning up all the food and saying our goodbyes, I paused to express gratitude for all that I’ve been blessed to receive. That’s when I realized something.
As everyone packed up food and headed to their cars, I realized the party wasn’t the only thing that had ended that night. The anticipation I’ve held for over a year in my heart has officially stopped because I got everything I asked for.
I cleaned the bathroom today. Which to some probably isn’t as big of an accomplishment as it felt like for me. After putting it off for so long, and coming up with excuses as to why another day would work best, I finally had enough of my own shit. And I’m not even completely done, or at least satisfied with the tub. I just read online about using a broom with liquid dish soap to scrub without hurting your back and knees.
Mama needs all the efficiency she can get.
But as I write this now the sink, toilet, floor, and bathroom have been scrubbed and sanitized. There’s nothing I can’t accomplish with some good music, magnificent dance moves, and a little bong hit. I’ve come to realize it’s more about the mood and intention setting than the actual task itself, half the battle is the attitude you bring to it.
Having it all “together” isn’t necessarily my strong suit but I show up when it’s time to in my own way. Trying to find a balance between personal life and homemaking, while creating offerings for my community, what a trip it’s been. There’s so much I’ve learned and yet an endless amount left to soak in. I’m taking it day by day because before I know it I’ll be looking back on this time with gratitude.
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There is so much wisdom to be absorbed from any type of housework or responsibility. No matter how tedious or challenging the task is, you can find your reflection in it. Like cleaning for example.
Cleansing takes place on the inside as well as the outside to make room for new and fresh opportunities. It always seems to rain when I need it the most. Maybe it won’t make going to ShopRite all that fun, but emotionally I need the rain today.
When nature cleanses herself she cleanses me too. I always feel called to go within, journal, document, dance, listen, and let something go- hence the cleaning. This isn’t by chance it’s by design. I love the rain.
Twerking and scrubbing a toilet, while it sounds hilarious, is also a powerful choice to make and a very intentional one too. While Beyonce’s Homecoming album played in the perfect order she intended it to, I felt in sync with the feelings flowing through each song.
Twerking while cleaning is a decision I willed into my experience. I wasn’t particularly enthused about this responsibility, considering how long I had been putting it off.
So instead of making it the miserable experience I built it up to be, I decided to bring joy into the unpleasantness of it all. Every day there is an opportunity to make a conscious effort toward making the best out of every situation. I chose to twerk.
I’ve decided to take my time in between cleaning to put on a performance in my bathroom or take a moment to just be in my feels. It’s all a part of the cleansing process anyway. After all, I’m not just cleaning the bathroom, I’m being cleansed too, even if I didn’t know it until halfway through Beychella’s performance.
Mother nature always shows up when it’s time to remind me what to do next. When I listen to her I am led to exactly where I need to be, the trouble is I wait too long and things get foggy.
Will I be exhausted at the end of the day? Yes, but I’ll be lighter too. Lighter for taking care of my inner and outer environments, cleansing the old, and preparing room for the new. Springtime Aries energy at its finest.
Check out this 4-minute video on how to notice negative thinking
It’s Friday and it has been more on the productive side. Up at 615 for my mindful morning routine, followed by celery juice and grocery shopping before 8am. Coming home to make pancakes, bake banana bread, and get an hour of writing in before I’m off to babysit my niece and nephew.
At one time in my life, this was an incredibly normal morning for me, running personal errands and making sure Ivan’s got something to eat before running off to slay more duties. But this is not my normal anymore. In fact, I’m blown away that I had the energy and bandwidth to accomplish all those things today when not too long ago I could barely even peel myself out of bed for a shower.
It’s funny how through pictures and quick glimpses it can really look like people live a flawless life, completing tasks with ease and transitioning from wearing one hat to the next without breaking a sweat.
And it’s not necessarily a lie because it’s not like everyone claims their life is so simple. It just becomes an assumption of those looking in on the life you’ve displayed before them. That’s why it’s important that I express to my community that mindfulness doesn’t look like meditating every day and having your life completely together.
Sometimes it looks like your life falling apart and you becoming aware of how you’re responding to it. Sometimes it looks like the seasonal comeback after falling apart, where you’re just happy to be here and take nothing for granted because you remember how shitty it can be.
This week feels like the beginning of a transition into a better version of myself. Like my spirit is finally taking the reins from my ego, although she is kicking and screaming reluctant to let go of the oddly satisfying comfort zone that comes with depression. It’s wonderful to have the capacity to consider the needs of others while also being able to show up in a healthy and well-rounded way.
However, like I said, it’s the beginning of a transition out of bad habits into better ones. There’s a long road ahead and that’s okay.
One bad habit I have is procrastinating to the point of stress, angst, and anxiety to get things done in a timely manner. Food shopping is a great example of the lengths of bullshit I will go through to avoid responsibility.
I will be lazy and justify my procrastination for days until we SERIOUSLY need food. I’ve had rotting bananas inching their way toward the trash because I neglected them when they were bright yellow. I kept buying them hoping that I’d see them and be reminded of the smoothies and fruit bowl breakfasts that are so good for me. But that didn’t happen.
The beauty of the transitional week is slowly being able to start thinking of solutions rather than focusing solely on problems, like baking a banana bread instead of wasting food. I’m still a bit impulsive when it comes to doing whatever I want but I’ve begun to think through the consequences more.
Like making pancakes at 10pm because the munchies told me to, not wanting to clean the griddle so using a single pan, getting lazy halfway through because I can only make one at a time, and wrapping up the leftover batter for breakfast.
In this season I’m so fucking proud of myself for getting out of bed before 10am, having the energy, and putting forth the effort to shower and look good. Caring about my appearance, saying affirmations, and moving my body with intention rather than disgust.
During this season I’m happy there is fruit in my apartment to actually start to spoil, and I’m thankful for the perspective not to see a waste of food but a way to transform it into a sweet dessert. Celebrating the little things reminds me there is a bigger picture and I’m a part of it.
The more responsibilities I juggle the more I come to the realization that there will always be juggling, no matter the season. Sometimes I’ve got all my balls in the air and it’s magnificent to watch. Seamlessly gliding from one hand to the next, in the flow of productivity, creativity, and maybe even joy. Other times it’s like watching a train wreck occur in slow motion as the rails make an obnoxious halting sound.
Both of these versions are who I am, she’s phenomenal and a work in progress at every moment. So instead of trying to achieve this perfect looking life of organization and practicality, I recognize that there will be a season for that, it’s just not this one.
So if you’ve made it this far into my rambles of this week, bless you. Take a moment to remind yourself that “having it all together” is not a thing. It’s a construct we’ve made up in our minds comparing how things are to the way we believe they should be. Stop shoulding all over yourself.
How you are feeling, thinking, and doing, at this moment is your truth. Maybe it’s ugly, maybe it’s enjoyable, but it’s always yours.
When you’re ready to have things in your life improve or align, it’s essential that you learn about the energy you put into your world. The energy put into your intention is what gives it the power to make shifts in your life. When you go through the motions of your day on autopilot you are missing out on opportunities to tune in.
Tuning into your experience creates the possibility for you to respond with intention. This doesn’t mean that you have to change up every decision you make, you may very well keep them the same as they’ve always been. What’s important is that you pay attention to what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, and the energy you bring to each task, This makes all the difference when you’re working toward or already have a goal of self-development.
Intentionality is bringing a particular kind of awareness and attention to an experience you are facing. When you set an intention for the day or the week, you are essentially choosing an anchor to ground you when life starts to speed up. In order for you to successfully set and follow through with an intention, it’s important that you gain clarity on how this intention will serve you. Start by becoming aware of the part of your life that you’d like to see improvements in. What needs to be improved about your attitude? How are you struggling in this part of your life?
Setting Intentions
Setting intentions at the beginning of your day is like looking ahead and anticipating how you’ll need to show up. Whatever intention you set will begin to show up in the form of opportunities, challenges, and obstacles in what would normally be seen as everyday things. Bringing intention to your thoughts, behaviors, feelings, and ways of navigating through the world allows you to change the way you see things.
Although you cannot control what’s happening outside you, or what may be thrown in your path each day, you can control the ways in which you respond. By setting an intention before your day begins you have something to anchor into in the moments you experience overwhelm, stress, or anxiety.
Before you decide on which intention to set for the day it’s good to get in tune with what you are in need of most. Life has seasons and each season will invite different levels and types of difficulties. What’s important to remember is that this intention is suitable and appropriate for you to ground into when life gets cloudy. Some seasons call for the same intention until you’re feeling capable of moving on to something else. Other seasons call for you to connect with how you’re feeling each day and work from there.
Without energy, an intention is just another set of words, an empty affirmation without the force to back it up. Bringing energy into your thoughts and words gives life to your experience, and that energy continues to flow. The more powerful the energy is the stronger the intention becomes. The more in tune you are with the energy you bring to your experience, the more intentional each of these experiences becomes. Although you can’t always control outcomes and circumstances, you can control the energy you choose to respond to your inner and outer world.
At the beginning of your day visualize what lies ahead for you. Bring into your mind’s eye the typical challenges of the day-to-day, whether they’re massive or minuscule they’re all opportunities. From beginning to end, run through the people you’ll interact with, the places you’ll visit, and the energy you plan on bringing. It’s important to be realistic when looking ahead into your day, while also grounding yourself into your personal power to respond intentionally.
Become aware of what area in your life you would like to improve. Allow yourself to practice accepting the attitudes, choices, and behaviors in this area of your life. Don’t judge yourself for where you are, just notice the patterns and decisions that got you here. Once you make peace with anything that may be unpleasant about your current experience, start getting curious about what ways could make this experience better for you.
What attitude would help enhance your life?
What attitude would help you gain clarity?
What attitude would align you with your higher self?
Consider the opportunities throughout your day that you could potentially practice applying this intention.
How often will these opportunities come up for you?
To acquire a beginner’s mind is to practice freeing yourself of expectations and assumptions about how life should unfold. Expectations leave little room for infinite possibilities.
Those who practice patience experience less stress increased empathy and are more likely to achieve their goals. By deciding to view every frustration as an opportunity to practice patience, you will start to shift to more open and positive perceptions in life.
Acceptance essentially means to receive the reality that is unfolding before you. Acceptance implies there is resistance present, so the question to ask is what circumstance or reality are you currently resisting?
Our thoughts, beliefs, and ideas become stronger with the attention they are fed, creating an attachment. Practice letting go. There is profound power in practicing awareness of thoughts, each time bringing a sense of neutral observation. Rather than latching onto what arises in the mind observe the thoughts as they pass.
Your beliefs begin as thoughts, therefore a belief is a thought you continuously practice. The reason to acquire a nonjudgmental attitude is to create a fresh perspective in place of familiar beliefs. Notice the labels you place on experiences and the limits they create.
Start prioritizing time to be still. Being is our natural state however it no longer comes naturally anymore due to all of the stimuli we experienced every day. Practice being in-between each task you switch to throughout the day.
Develop an inner trust in your decision-making and in the path unfolding before you. Practice this when you find yourself in doubt or fear of unknown circumstances.
Gratitude is the answer to living a happy life. The best way to practice gratitude is to find the good in what frustrates you and what you view as a problem. Everything is an opportunity to practice patience and growth. If you can begin to shift your perspective to thinking this way you are making progress.
Practice a kind and generous way of thinking, being, and living. The way you treat yourself will reflect on the relationships you form in your life. Bring attention to negative self-talk and practice a more compassionate inner language.
These are the attitudes that make up a mindful mind. By embodying one of these you are slowly adding drops into the bucket of conscious awareness. It’s not intended to be a quick process. Instead, it’s intended to be practiced daily, or weekly, as your life transitions from phase to phase.
The more you anchor yourself into an attitude intentionally, the closer you bring yourself to being at peace with yourself and those around you. As you begin to move into this peace of mind you’ll begin to experience shifts in the ways you perceive your life. May you exist with compassion in your heart, gratitude in your soul, and an open curiosity that fills you with faith and love.
The year 2020 has been painful, eye-opening, excruciating, exhausting, and expansive. The lesson I’ve learned the loudest this month was to embrace exposure in more ways than one. For the first half of the year my priority was to reach people by creating content for my community serving their highest self. Exposing myself into the world as a mindful entrepreneur who is passionate about helping people love, heal, and grow through their experiences. I think exposure has always been a fear of mine waiting to be conquered, but I never quite knew how. When you set your mind to seeking something in life it has a miraculous way of finding you.
In April I began leading live meditations on Instagram, creating communities founded on self-development and inner work, and making resources to help people handle the issues I’ve overcome. Vulnerably sharing my journey as a means of connecting to those who are going through something too. This year had truly been about stepping into the role of a conscious leader, taking a giant leap toward my purpose on this planet. And while this type of exposure had it’s own unique challenges, overall it’s been a rewarding. Walking into the idea of exposure head on led me to leveling up my awareness of self and ability to serve my community. It’s been an incredibly personal journey, a true blessing and a dream come true that I will never take for granted.
Which leads me to the second half of the year, the time we’re entering where I’m provided a different opportunity to be exposed. This time it’s a much more intense, fearful, painful, and life altering experience. Opening my eyes and my heart to those who suffer the violent reality of oppression, racism, and injustice. I’ve exposed myself to the system that has been created to oppress, demean, and disrespect the black community. In these last fews days I’ve done something I never do and dove deep into the painful reality in my country today. Reading articles, watching videos, interacting on social platforms, and tuned into news outlets that are showing in real time people fighting for basic human rights, only to be met with even more violence and physical force.
While my heart aches over this type of exposure it fuels a different part of me than the first type does. The first type of exposure is an example of alignment, overcoming a limit I set for myself, achieving something I had set out to even though it was scary at first. It’s about me, my goals, my dreams, my purpose. That type of exposure is of personal gain. However this second type cracked me open entirely because it came from outside myself. It’s bigger than me. What I’m experiencing through a screen people are living with in this moment. The words I’m hearing on the news are someone else’s life circumstances. There is no comparison between the types of exposure, but there is a significant difference in the lessons I choose to take from them. One helps me believe I can create change when it’s necessary, and the second one reminds me just how necessary it is to change.
Healing and Serving
Empathy can only be felt toward another person. By empathizing with someone you become connected to that person through your understanding and compassion. That understanding and compassion is the bridge between a personal gain and a collective experience. But until we are able to experience that understanding and compassion within ourselves, we can’t cross that bridge and help someone else discover it. While achievement on a personal level is something to be proud of, it pales in comparison to create change on a lager scale. The second type of exposure is what cracks you wide open, it causes you to become overwhelmed and inspired. Exposing yourself to different cultures, communities, and all of the chaos surrounding you is how you REALLY help others.
Both types of exposure are important to me and so I’ve begun to merge them as one giant realization that by expanding my own knowledge I’ll inevitably be expanding the knowledge of the people who choose to tune into me. All I want to do is teach you how to tune into yourself. Teaching mindfulness is how I serve my people. It’s my duty and obligation to share resources, tools, guidance, and support. It’s my duty as a human being to advocate for the rights of others. And there’s never been a more powerful time to be the lighthouse for those traveling through treacherous waters.
Like all powerful educators, I have to consciously choose to be a student first. The best way to do that is to allow myself to feel the powerful energy that’s surrounding us all and choose to be with it rather than run. It is only through fully experiencing the life of those I’m trying to connect with that I can serve them with intentional compassion. Tuning into emotions allows me to open up to learning by surrendering the notion that I know the answer. Because there is no answer to know, right now is a time to experience emotions authentically. There is no right way to do that. The more familiar I get with the feelings of anger, sadness, hopelessness, and fear the deeper I connect to everyone else experiencing these emotions. Because we are just an extension of those experiencing those emotions. And now more than ever it’s important to make the effort to focus on the ways we are connected and not divided.
Truthfully, I want to scream and shake the shoulders of the people who are actively creating division in the world. The disgust I feel is strong enough to blind me, keeping my attention focused on the horrific events happening to innocent humans. The pain that must be coursing through the veins of the loved ones who are grieving for their babies, fathers, and sons. When I turn the controls over to my emotions there is no telling where my brain will take me. It’s not uncommon to be overrun with emotion, I’d even argue that most people are walking through life this way all the time. But it’s times like these that make it even more dangerous for our emotions to get the best of us. Especially when there are groups of people who aren’t empathetic and who are stoking the fires of the crimes and injustices of the world.
My goal isn’t to stop you from pointing fingers at who’s right and who’s wrong. My goal is to introduce another way of approaching your emotions at this time. Giving you the tools to shift your perspective long enough to create space for another way of coping if your way is hurting, not helping. To teach you to pause long enough and ask yourself if you’re handling this the best way you can. My goal is to start the conversation about the ways humans are causing their own suffering because their personal narrative has hijacked their senses. This article is to help you navigate the emotions that are distracting you, while channeling their energy into what matters most.
Emotional Connectivity
Even if you’re not outraged particularly by police brutality, racial injustice, or the horrifying media that’s been surfacing all weekend, there is still something in your life that elicits negative emotions. There are things that bring darkness out of you, have led you into darkness, or have forced you to become consumed by it all. Humans are running wildly unaware of the power resting in their emotional state. There is a large disconnect from the body and an incredible attachment to the narrative part of the mind, the part of you that creates the persona of who you are. As the division of mind and body grows, the story playing inside the mind becomes your primary focus. You focus so intently on the story of who you are that you forget you are an extension of others. The narrative in your mind plays so loud you forget it’s created by thoughts flowing untamed, and you begin to accept this as truth. With each repeating thought pattern and every decision that aligns with them, you are further separating yourself from what is happening to your body. But the stronger that narrative inside your mind becomes the louder your suffering gets, and the harder it is to see your connection to other human beings at all.
See, each time you experience an emotion it appears in your body in the form of sensation. Negative feeling emotions tend to show up as constriction, tightness, heaviness, and pain. Positive feeling emotions tend to show up as an openness, pleasure, lightweight, and allowance. Tuning into the body while you’re experiencing an intense emotion can introduce the power of the mindbody connection. The more present you become with how your body is responding to your thoughts and emotions, the deeper you can meet yourself. And as you begin uncovering these layers of emotion you can become aware of your choices, rather than being imprisoned by emotion.
You, like every other human in existence, has been driven to experience negative and intense emotional states. And although people experience these emotions for different reasons and triggers, the similar nature of emotional beings cannot be denied. I won’t ask you to understand the people who don’t understand you, I won’t even ask you to expand your awareness to others. Instead, I want to lead you within yourself because this is where all change occurs. Because even though what is hurting you is coming from outside of you, these intense emotions are all happening inside you.
My mind brings me into thoughts of revenge and retaliation, my soul cries out for understanding and love, while my body is the vessel that carries either of these truths out. That’s what I recognize in every other human being right now, emotions flooding their minds, bodies, and souls. When an emotion surfaces with enough intensity it can overcome you, blinding you of any other way of thinking or being. An emotion that is so intense it’s power is intoxicating causing you to act on those thoughts of revenge or act on your soul’s cry for love.
But if people are being taken over by their emotional reactions to the world, they are disconnecting from themselves and from each other. Please, let’s reconnect.
Being a support system for other people is sort of like having a superpower. Your presence has energy that others can feel just by being around you. It feels safe, making it easy for them to open up and maybe even ask for help.
Those who have this quality are likely to be spectacular beings, but being there for others can have its challenges. On one hand, being the person that others depend on can bring you a sense of fulfillment, knowing that you have a positive influence on someone’s life.
On the other hand, being the person people depend on can feel like a heavy responsibility, that could ultimately cloud your focus of what matters most.
It’s easy to lose yourself in what you believe you “should be” doing for others, while your needs get pushed to the bottom of the priority list.
Before you find yourself experiencing angst, frustration, or worse, resentment, it’s important to become aware of your relationship with being there for others.
Checking-In With Yourself
Some people have very welcoming energy about them, once you’re around them you feel comfortable and safe to speak your truth. This is a wonderful gift that could easily be taken advantage of if you’re not careful.
People who are always there for their loved ones, coworkers, and sometimes the occasional stranger on a park bench, aren’t always there for themselves. It’s challenging to set a boundary that requires you NOT to be available for other people, after all it has become a part of who you are.
This doesn’t mean that being of service is a bad thing, but too much giving and not enough receiving is a recipe for an imbalanced lifestyle.
A good place to start is by checking in with your experience as well as how others are doing. The next time you are needed or being asked to do something, ask yourself:
How do I feel at this moment?
Can I handle this emotionally?
Am I doing this for the right reasons?
How will I feel after accomplishing this?
Will this hurt me or anyone else?
Is this way of helping aligned with my highest good?
Check in With Your Wellbeing
Get curious about how serving others is impacting your wellbeing. By deepening your connection with the service you provide you are more capable of creating a much-needed boundary.
Because if you are willing to do anything for anyone, you’re going to quickly burn yourself out. The more attentive you are to your own needs the better able you are to show up for those who need you most.
Tune into your energy levels, check-in on how you’re feeling, listen to any resistant thoughts popping up, all of these are signs that you need to take care of yourself.
When your energy is replenished you have more to give, no matter what pops up in your day. Start by checking in with how you’re feeling moment to moment and allow the honest answer to surface within you.
There is a difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling disconnected from the way you serve your community. The only way to understand which one you are experiencing is by turning inward, which may not come naturally to someone who does so much for other people.
It can feel selfish to consider your own feelings because the obligation to others is so deeply rooted. The people who invest a considerable amount of time and energy into the needs of others are wired by service.
If left unchecked this can be a driving force toward resentment or anxiety about what you do and who you do it for. By tuning into your personal experience and choosing to be present you can tap into the truth of how this affects you.
Self-Care is Necessary
When caring for others more often than not the mind is wired to focus on them, considering their needs before your own comes with the territory. But when you aren’t at your best you can’t deliver your best self to them.
Your performance may suffer, your energy levels may deplete, you may be physically present while your mind is somewhere else. Something as rewarding as serving, providing, and caring for others shouldn’t have to come at the cost of your mental health.
What I would love for you to take away is that there is most likely something in your life that isn’t getting the attention it deserves.
Maybe it’s the lack of healthy food your eating or movement you giving your body. Maybe it’s the way you deal with the hardest challenge in your life or the troubling emotions that feel too impossible to handle. I’m telling you to pay attention.
Look at how you treat the unpleasantness in your life, and how it returns the favor in your lifestyle. Notice the lack of attention you give yourself, while you glorify the attention you give others.
Raise your level of self-awareness so that you can truly begin to deal with and heal from whatever is going on in your life. This is the first step to being better for yourself and for those who need you most.
Check out this 5-minute video on How to Set an Intention
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