Have you ever become a version of yourself that is cringe-worthy to acknowledge?

Have you ever struggled to face yourself in the mirror and the choices you’ve made?

Have you ever lost yourself in someone else’s world?

Where do you even begin to pick up the pieces?

For me it started with the breath.

Sit With Yourself

My journey begins with a life shattering heartbreak, and by life shattering I mean the world as I knew it no longer existed. I didn’t leave because I fell out of love, in fact that’s what made it so hard. The love I felt for my partner was deeper than the love I felt for myself, that’s why I left. My intuition grew so loud that I could no longer ignore the call to walk away, even though I had no idea what life would be like on the other side. Something told me it was time to take the first step away from pain and into something new, even if I couldn’t see the next 100 feet in front of me.

Leaving a toxic relationship left me sad, fragile, and unhealthy. My soul knew I was meant for more, my mind couldn’t escape the life I had just left, and my body was too tired to make a move. After months of anxiety, depression, and essentially living in fight or flight mode, I knew a change needed to be made. There would be no divine intervention, or magical sign from above. It wouldn’t happen if I moved to another country to begin a new life. No matter where I went or what I did, the suffering would follow me, so I knew the change needed to happen from within.

I’ll never forget the day I decided to make a conscious effort to heal my broken self. Lying in a bed with tear soaked tissues and sheets that stunk like me, I finally asked myself “what can you do in this moment to get closer to something better, and away from this feeling?” The answer was to sit. Whether this is the right answer or not I’ll never know, but that was the answer that surfaced for me. I only had energy to change positions, so I went from lying down to sitting up.

It didn’t seem like much but it got my mind working in a different direction, a voice inside my head responded to my action by asking “now what?” Suddenly it hit me. In that moment I realized asking yourself the right questions will lead you to get answers that move you forward. Questions are what either fuel the rumination of negative thoughts or what fuel the momentum in a positive direction. I finally began to see that I did have some control over what I was going through, but I still felt overwhelmed by change. So the next thing I did was close my eyes and let out a huge sigh. I decided to sit and just breathe.

I didn’t know much of what meditation was, or the benefits, or even if I understood at that moment that I was meditating. But I was aware that the only thing I had control over in that moment was my position and my breath, so I went with it. What felt like an hour was most likely just short of 10 minutes, and when I opened my eyes nothing around me changed. I still felt sad, bitter, anxious- although slightly less; but each time I brought my attention back to the exhale something was different. It was in those brief moments that I wasn’t defined by my emotions, my experience, or even my physical sensations. In those tiny glimpses of a second that I could focus on my breath I became the awareness behind my experiences.

Just a glance at a different way of thinking, a simple taste of a slightly better perception, was all I needed to believe my life was in my hands. I started to see the next 100 feet.

And So The Self-Discovering Journey Begins

After that day I vowed to always come back to my breath, no matter where my thoughts take me or what my body wishes we were doing instead of being still. I promised I would sit with my discomfort until it revealed what it was here to teach me. I began to understand that I was operating from 3 different points of view: my past, my present, and my future self. So I decided to explore all of me and get to know my true self. In order for me to heal I needed to know who was controlling my thinking mind in the moment, and how to align it with my current actions. Getting to know my three selves allowed me to accept my painful past, come back to the present moment, and accept the possibility that I could create an even brighter future.

The more I began to control my mindset and attitudes the more my goals of health expanded. It was challenging to look in a mirror, put on clothes, and carry conversations with others because I was so deeply uncomfortable in my own skin. I started asking myself how I wanted to feel, rather than focusing on how low I was feeling, and that began my journey of 3 fold health.

Focusing on health as a three-fold process meant mental, physical, and spiritual healing. In all of these ways I was weak, learning how to use muscles that have been dormant for so long took patience and consistency. I started meditating and writing about my journey daily, while working out 3 times a week. Just getting to the gym on some days was the accomplishment, but as time went on I increased the duration of workouts and amount of times I exercised weekly.

Fitness became an outlet for me to express my strength, growth, and ability to push my own limits. I loved who I was becoming, not because I was putting more weight on or because I was finally using double digit weights, but because I remembered where I started. I knew I wanted to help others find this personal power within themselves, so I began studying to become a personal trainer.

The more I got to know my true self the more I understood I’m not alone in this struggle of self. And just like with the journey of getting stronger physically, I wanted to help others dig deep into their personal power of knowing and loving themselves unconditionally. The deeper I got to know myself the more passionate I became about sharing my knowledge, insights, and experiences with other women who were just as lost as I once was. This sparked the idea to pursue a career of teaching women the power of 3 fold fitness, so I began studying to become a mindfulness teacher.

That Person Led Me Here…

My solution was to forgive myself, accept myself, and become the greatest version of myself- because I owed that to me. I promised the fragile girl crying on the bed I’d grow into the person she needed most that day, a healer. In that moment I would have never believed it to be possible to be who I am today, sharing these messages, loving what I do all while creating positive ripple effects in the world. It’s not about knowing the outcome or having a set deadline for your aspirations. It’s about sitting with yourself, getting to know who that is, having the courage to release all that burdens you and start holding onto what brings you closer to your purpose. The more I aligned my choices, decisions, and daily habits with my future self’s lifestyle, the more I began to attract that way of being into my life. My mission is to help lead you inward to your personal power by opening up and sharing what led me to mine. I don’t believe we all have to hit rock bottom to find our true purpose, and my wish is that you have the courage to believe that whoever you are, and where ever you start, you are enough to make it happen today.