How to B.L.O.O.M in Dark Times

Posted on April 6, 2020January 21, 2021 by Sabrina Renee

The Void

It’s been said that destruction is often the first step in recreation. The caterpillar must die for the butterfly to come to form. Sometimes when it feels like your life is falling apart, it’s actually beginning to come together in a new and improved way.

While in the thick of the storm it’s hard to see that it will pass because you’re focused on lack, damage, and change. The normalcy as you know it has ended, leaving you in what is known as the void-a space between what was and what will be.

During your time in the void, you’ll be learning about your true nature, being stripped from life as you know it can do that to you. You’ll be forced to shift your perspective into the next steps to take or stay stagnant, waiting for the storm to pass.

The truth is all storms pass, everything changes, nothing is permanent. But what is also true is there is a version of you who enters the void and a version of you who leaves it, you’ll be changed forever.

How you shape that perspective and build that character depends on the choices you make in the void.

Are you buried or planted?

Bring to mind the seeds that are placed in the ground to harvest. Think of the trying times and tests they are put through before becoming a plant, a tree, medicine, or food on your plate.

Dug into a deep dark hole with little if any light, left only with an innate sense that something is going to happen next. Life can feel just like this at times. Things are dark and uncertain, you know something’s going to happen but aren’t sure what will.

All that you’ve got is your will to push through and the mindset to fuel it, but these things are choices, not obligations. The perspective you choose will determine the difference between whether you have been buried and planted in the ground. And your choice will begin propelling you toward that outcome.

Being buried feels like a complete lack of control over your life. Feeling the weight of the world on top of you, keeping the light from coming in. An experience similar to suffocation as you’re being pushed down deep into a swirl of emotions that continue reminding you of all the things you can’t change.

At first, it may seem that these things are happening to you, but after a while, you begin to expect it and maybe even seek the presence of unease. Simply put, the void means you’re not living the life you’ve been used to but you’re also not yet living your next chapter because it’s still being built.

It can feel like standing still in a field with no paths leading home until you choose to make one. If you choose to believe you’re being buried this feeling will last a very long time and you’ll continue to miss out on what’s waiting for you.

Being planted will have similar emotions attached but with a difference in feeling. While emotions arise naturally within feelings are focused on and determined by will. The experience may still be unpleasant but you’ll learn to focus on what is waiting for you on the other side of this trying time.

There may still be weight over you of all that you’ve lost but you’ll begin to acknowledge what is no longer holding you back. You’ll still be in darkness for quite some time but you strongly believe that if you push on a little longer, that light will shine through.

The time spent living in the void is a time to accept what is as a start to a brand new beginning. If you can shift your perspective from darkness to light, while still in the darkness, you’ve begun laying the foundation of the next chapter. When you choose the perspective of being planted there is no place to go but up, and you’re well on your way.

Relax, Release, Allow

Acceptance is a large step toward whatever lifestyle or goal you are trying to reach. You need a starting point and that’s what acceptance gives to you. Acceptance isn’t giving in or quitting.

It’s not telling yourself this is your way of living forever and it’s definitely not a pass to let time go by without putting effort into change. It is only once you’ve fully accepted where you are at this time in your life can you begin to see clearly where it is you’re going.

The three steps to come back to that help pave the way for life after acceptance are:

relax, release, and allow.

Relaxing into this moment means mentally and physically too since the body often holds onto tension, sometimes hours after your thoughts and emotions have passed. Bring more attention to the body’s sensations while you’re experiencing unpleasant emotions or thought patterns.

It takes time, practice, and consistency so be patient with yourself as you meet the parts of you that are troubling to navigate. Keep practicing. Keep coming back with a single breath cycle, an inhale and an exhale, to ground you back into your body and the present moment.

Once you’ve begun to relax your mind and body you can start moving into releasing what you are trying to hold onto. This should start at an internal level such as limiting beliefs, physical tension, and negative thoughts that are causing burdensome experiences.

Again, be patient with yourself and don’t quit because it’s hard to focus long enough. It won’t be easy but the simple way to approach it is to come back to the breath, the present moment, accepting what is even if it’s uncomfortable.

Whether you are aware of what’s happening within you or are keeping your eyes shut to the fact, it’s happening. Think of this practice as an awakening to your true self, drops of awareness in a giant bucket of consciousness.

When you’ve relaxed into the moment, begun to release what’s been holding you back, you can finally shift into allowing.

If you choose to believe you have been planted then you must believe that there is more transformation for you to go through. Being planted into the ground is the first step of many that lead to extraordinary growth that comes in stages.

In order for you to expand and prosper you must first allow for these experiences to happen. Relaxing and releasing what has happened or what is currently unfolding is different from practicing allowance, which can refer to either this moment or what is on the way.

A good way to remind you to practice allowance is by bringing your attention to when you are choosing resistance. Notice if you’re resisting anything at this moment, in your life, or in the grand scheme of things.

There are plenty of circumstances out of your control that you do not have to enjoy or even agree with, but resistance is a choice. When you choose resistance you’re investing energy in not letting go to a perceived idea or way of living, instead of proactively considering your next move.

Practice shifting your energy to what you can do.

Expansion often arrives disguised as discomfort, suffering, the paralyzing fear of not knowing what comes which helps deepen your roots while forcing you to reach higher. The higher you reach the closer you meet the goodness and light that trying to meet you.

Allow Yourself to B.L.O.O.M

This simple acronym is an effective way to remember how to navigate through the void of your life. Each time you visit it’ll surface different answers to these prompts, but it will always shift your perspective toward growth.

It’s important to remember that which does not challenge you will not change you, start looking for the ways you can improve right now no matter how small the step. Become aware of what is happening in the void without attaching your personal story to it.

Begin stripping away the judgments you attach to the struggle you are up against and start thinking of practical ways to maneuver through. The time you spend in the unknown months of your life can be a powerful shift in mindset, skill set, and momentum if you allow it to be.

These 5 prompts are a great place to start.

Blessings

Practice shifting your attention toward all of the wonderful things you have at this moment. Bring your focus to the feeling of your blessings, it’s less about the story surrounding it so don’t get caught up in details.

Each time you practice you’re expanding your imagination which is a muscle that weakens each time you choose doubt and disbelief. This will make it easier to visualize and believe in the blessings that are on their way to you.

Lessons

Learn how to focus on the growth-focused takeaways from each day you live through. Make a shift from the perspective of the sufferer to the student seeking out all the lessons you could learn from what you’re going through.

It could be as simple as learning to never make that mistake again or learning to incorporate more patience into your day. As with all of these exercises you’ll get better with consistent practice.

Obstacles

Acknowledge the obstacles in your path with an attitude of conquering them, crumbling before them. Recognize the journey will not be one of ease all the time and there will be things that trip you up.

Shift your focus to how you’ll overcome them, what skills you need to acquire, how much time you’ll need to invest, and how wonderful the reward will be on the other side. Obstacles are not optional, they’re necessary for growth, but what is optional is the way you choose to approach them,

Opportunities

Actively begin seeking ways to improve mentally, emotionally, and personally to create a better lifestyle. There are plenty of opportunities for you to grow through what you go through if you’re looking for them, which means you have to practice focus.

Start with your thought patterns, limiting beliefs of what’s possible for you, intense emotional reactions, and the environment you’re in. Open up a running tab of ways to be a little better than you were yesterday. Start slow, be realistic with the season you’re in, but never suit looking for expansion.

Momentum

Start to strategically combine all that you’ve learned and practiced with the above concepts and create an action plan. Be honest with how lofty your dreams are and don’t make that a bad thing, just start with what you’ve got and move forward.

Momentum is going to be the driving force that pushes you out of your comfort zone and into the successful lifestyle you imagine for yourself. You also need to be honest about the season of life you’re in, the burdens you’re carrying, and what you’re capable of sustaining once you start.

Some people can take quantum leaps, while others have to take baby steps, don’t judge yourself on where you’re starting momentum has a way of picking up quick.

Let’s Review

At some point in your life, you will find yourself in the void, the space between who you were and who you’re becoming. It can be a time of confusion, fear, scarcity, and uncertainty. It can also be a time of hope, empowerment, faith, and growth.

The beauty of the void is your perspective determines what you get out of it. The situation itself isn’t something you have control over but the response to it is in your hands. Before you respond to something that’s happening around you it’s important to practice introspection to find out how you feel about it, what you want out of it, and how you’re gonna make it happen.

Don’t be afraid to sit with yourself during uncomfortable times. In fact, this should be the first thing you do. Get to know what’s going on inside of you, learn about your fears, ask about your desires and the person you want to become. Don’t stay stagnant in the void because in time it will become a memory of the past. So how do you want to remember this time?

As Jon Kabat-Zinn so perfectly titled his book “Wherever You Go, There You Are.,” so stop running from yourself. Relax into the present moment because it’s the only one that actually exists, the rest are either memories, ruminations, assumptions, or expectations of the past and future.

Be here now.

Release your grip on what has past, what is no longer serving your highest good, what cannot be changed and notice how all of those thoughts impact your body. Start letting go of tension in your body, release your clenched jaw and fists, uncurl your toes, sit up straight and just present.

Stop resisting what you don’t like about this moment, stop pushing away your reality in hopes of feeling better, stop denying things as they are and awaken to the power you have right now. Stop trying to change your life by resisting what is and start focusing your energy on what you can do about it.

Allow yourself to expand into new possibilities, creating space for new chances and fresh starts to find you. Allow yourself to bloom.

Start by counting your blessings every day and finding the lessons you could be learning every night. Start acknowledging the obstacles in your path as chances to enhance your mindset, skill set, and awareness of the journey ahead.

Start seeking opportunities in ordinary moments to improve your emotional and mental wellbeing, while growing into the person of your soul’s highest desire. Begin building the momentum you need to push you upward, into the light and out of the darkness.

All of this is possible if you’re open to change, if you believe that you are enough as you are, and if you start now.

Love Heal Grow

Healing, Practices

Transcending Darkness Into Light

Posted on March 15, 2020September 11, 2022 by Sabrina Renee

In what ways are you loving yourself?

A great way to find the answer to that question is to listen to the voice inside your head that responds to the question. Take a moment to be the awareness behind the answer that pops up for you.

Was the voice defensive?

How did it feel to answer that question?

Were you able to answer quickly or was it something to think about?

Are you happy or displeased with the answers?

Truthfully the answers that surface for you are neither right nor wrong. This exercise is simply expanding your awareness of how your thinking already works. As humans, we layer up our experiences with judgments that later turn into beliefs that ultimately decide the course of our growth. Either people are growing toward loving themself deeper or they are moving further away. Only by asking questions about your relationship with yourself can you begin to expand your awareness of self. Learn who you are, who you were, and start to create the visual of who it is you wish to become.

The dark is costing you the light

By remaining in the same spot, with the same knowledge, surrounded by the same energy all of which are holding you back from thriving, you are living in the dark. The dark is a great place to hide. Plenty of people turn the lights off to particular parts of their life because it hurts too much to face, or rocks the very foundation of who they’ve chosen to be. But just because something is placed in the dark doesn’t remove it from existence. It simply means it’s taking up more dark energy than light. You are feeding the energy of lack, resistance, negativity, and denial of your truth.

The light, however, is a place of creation and higher frequency. The light in your life shines to help illuminate the way ahead. In order to live in a world of light, all things must surface and be acknowledged. All things that have been pushed away in the deepest corners of your past have the capacity to transcend into the light. Once you allow the dark to surface, it can be seen for what it truly is and loved entirely, not in spite of anything.

Choosing light over darkness is the way to unconditional love. Therefore when you express love to the dark parts of who you are, love will embody that experience. The more you choose to love, the more you choose to feed the energy of abundance, allowance, growth, and acceptance of your true self.

When you choose love you choose to steer yourself toward a healthy relationship with yourself, first and foremost, and then with others. When you choose to see the light where there is darkness you slowly begin to build a peaceful resilience within yourself. Being able to forgive your past pain while simultaneously allowing it to create a more evolved version of self. Both light and love are principle foundations for a successful, compassionate, and strong relationship with who you are, as well as who you’re becoming. Which will, in turn, open the doors of opportunity to thrive in relationships with family, friends, and loved ones. Being at peace with yourself means not letting things outside of you define you because you are confident in the person you are. The power over your emotions and mindset will always reside within you.

So what is it costing you?

Now that you understand the power of bringing the darkness to light, it’s time to do just that. Take stock of the areas of life you haven’t been ready to face, handle, or deal with properly. There is a proper season for living in darkness, life gets hard and sometimes unexpectedly crippling, but it’s not meant to be a forever destination. At some point, you have to shine the light on your needs, your desires, and the inner healing it will take to get there.

Focus on the voice inside that answers your questions. Start asking yourself more proactive questions about how you’re treating yourself.

Are you neglecting your needs and desires for the benefit of others?

When you neglect your needs, what are you losing and gaining?

When pouring from an empty cup, how is it impacting the person you are becoming?

What values are you aligning with?

What are you losing as a result?

Shifting from a dark season of life into one of light and love will not be easy. It will challenge the parts of you that haven’t built up immunity yet. You’ll feel tired, weak, and possibly want to quit on yourself. Keep going. It’s in these moments of exhaustion that you’re building the next version of yourself. The result of loving yourself by transcending darkness into light is a glorious and peaceful place to live. The road to it, however, may not feel as such. Keep the end result in mind and honor the struggle that this journey brings. Each hard decision you make, each time you cut out negative behavior, each time you set a boundary to keep yourself safe, you teach yourself a lesson. If you’re being aware of these lessons you won’t make the same mistake twice.

There is so much to learn and so much to love about yourself. Turn the lights on to your true self.

**Check out this podcast episode titled Love vs Fear: Seeing is Believing**

Healing

Noticing Inner Dialogue

Posted on February 17, 2020 by Sabrina Renee

The Voice Inside

Each time you participate in any particular behavior, whether it’s label good or bad, you begin to engrave it as a habit. The habits you form stem from every choice you make when faced with a decision. These choices create and mold the person you will ultimately grow to be, therefore what you practice is what you become.

Inner dialogue is no different than those behaviors. The mental chatter that is constantly talking inside your head has immense power over how you judge yourself and your capabilities. It is constantly guiding you toward or away from opportunities depending on your belief system. Inner dialogue is created, amplified and caused by your experiences, which later become patterns. These patterns are put into place because of the choices you make every day, whether you are aware of them or not.

So how aware are you of the choices you are making daily and their impact on your inner environment?

How aware are you of the voice inside your head?

Is it motivating and empowering you?

Is it criticizing and doubting you?

Maybe a little bit of both?

The struggle with changing your patterns and habits is that it is so deeply embedded in the mind that you resort to them without much thought. This is an example of living on autopilot or living mindlessly. When you think about the fact that your mind and body will eventually participate in any behavior continuously practiced, it is fascinating. Because that also means it’s possible to change these patterns into behaviors and thoughts you WANT to have and those that will benefit your well-being.

Consider this: The way you choose to respond or react to a situation eventually becomes your inner dialogue. Circumstances that hurt you, the ones you harbor feelings for, the people you haven’t forgiven. Any situation you face that is similar has the potential to bring you a similar outcome of pain, leading your mind to bring you back to how you handled the first one.

If you want to change your self-talk start by becoming aware of the chatter. Instead of approaching inner dialogue with the intention to change it, just simply become aware of what is already happening. Bring your attention to the tone of voice during challenging times vs. joyful times. Notice how your body may tense up or relax in accordance to the conversation inside your mind. See if you can trace it back to the root judgment that is the cause behind your choices. You may begin to notice the fear of change or a distant memory of a similar situation when you suffered somehow. Once you become aware of the changes you seek you can begin to pause before decision making and decide consciously. Slowly but surely you’ll be rewiring your responses to those that benefit you.

The connection between your experiences and the choices you make is incredible. Make the conscious effort to look closer at it and get a better understanding of who you are choosing to become. Think of the times you’ve made mistakes, took steps back from the huge progress you’ve made and the times you failed. How did you treat yourself mentally?

Were you supportive and forgiving?

Were you kind and understanding, viewing it from more than your personal perspectives?

Did you take the time to listen to how hurt you were as a result?

Did you explore how it made you feel?

Did you treat yourself the way you would a friend?

Most of the time you are your toughest critic, while in a similar situation you would provide warmth and compassion to others. With a more conscious effort, you could start to shift not only your relationship with yourself but your response to the world around you.

If every day you choose to be kind to yourself as a result you would become a kinder human being. The same goes for being critical, understanding, angry and compassionate. It all lies within the choices you make every day. So wake up and pay attention to what you allow into the mind. Because whether you are aware or not there is a constant conversation going on inside you. It’s time you became a part of it.

Growth

Being Purpose Driven in 2020

Posted on January 5, 2020 by Sabrina Renee

What is Your Purpose?

Such a loaded question for some and so simple for others. For all of us, finding your purpose equals finding meaning in your life and the moments you invest in. When you’ve identified your purpose life choices get narrow, the trajectory of your life becomes a bit more clear. Life’s purpose is not what you do but rather who you innately are.

My purpose is to be a healer, to heal myself so that I may teach others the tools to heal themselves. Although it took years and years to redefine it in such simple terms, it remained true through all occupations. As someone working the stock room in retail, as a server at Applebee’s, as a child care attendant and as a personal trainer, this was who I have always been at the core. So whether you know exactly what your purpose is or you have absolutely no clue, or even if you’re somewhere in between the two here is my advice to you: don’t allow your current life circumstance to define your purpose for you.

Creating a Purpose Driven Life

Creating a purpose-driven life means understanding the values that align with it. Once those values are identified they become the focal points of your thinking and decision making. Deciding to live a life on purpose sounds simple enough but it comes with the price of self-discipline. These values may reveal themselves or match easily with the life you visualize, but the hard work comes when those values clash with any current belief system. The biggest challenge for me was identifying that one of my values was respecting my self-worth which often meant putting my needs before others. Until an opportunity to help a friend, family member, or even someone I was dating went against that value. The belief system I had for so long made me feel that putting myself first was a form of betrayal of those I love. Therein lies the choice: change or familiarity?

Now, of course, each circumstance and person is different. There are no right answers across the board for any core values defined. But it will more often than not invite an inner conflict into your life. One that forces you to choose between who you’ve always been and who you wish to be. It’s about strengthening your intuition and trusting what feels like the best way to go. When this happens don’t judge yourself by labeling one answer right or wrong. Just remember only ONE choice can bring you closer to living a life on purpose. Choose wisely.

Not a Destination, A Way of Living

The more you challenge your belief system the more self-aware you become. Self-awareness is a tool that allows you to confront thoughts before they become actions. If practicing self-awareness becomes a habit than so does the opportunity to create change. Because change doesn’t happen once you declare you’re ready for it. Change doesn’t occur because you’ve clearly defined your core values or proclaimed a particular way of living. Life begins to change when you interrupt the pattern of behavior or thinking to shift the trajectory of your path. When you decide to trust your gut over the nostalgic and all too familiar choice that is insisting to be chosen. Change shows up in life when you constantly and consistently show up with the tool of self-awareness.

Here are 5 ways to show up on purpose:

Set intentions before taking actions
Check-in with your thoughts and experiences throughout the day
Question the beliefs that challenge your defined values
Say no to what does not align with your purpose
Be kind to yourself as you grow through each experience

Remaining True to Yourself

Staying the course will be filled with hard choices and lessons learned, so move forward with compassion. Taking responsibility for where you are in life is just as important as forgiving yourself for mistakes made. There will be parts of yourself that will be surfacing for the first time, invite them with kindness. Use that as a chance to study them with nonjudgmental awareness and make a purpose-driven decision. Appreciate the journey each day rather than focusing on the destination because the more you grow the further it becomes.

Being on purpose is a daily choice that invites more love, joy, fulfillment, and gratitude. Pay attention to what each day has to offer. Practice living a purpose-driven life through the 5 tips and grow through what you go through with awareness.

Practices

Learn How to Respond Consciously

Posted on December 8, 2019 by Sabrina Renee

When a person is thinking with their emotional mind rather than their logical mind they are essentially under the influence. They have been tricked into believing that their emotions are in control instead of themselves. Or may not be able to tell the difference between emotions and themselves, identifying with each by reciting the phrase I am.

Negative emotions almost feel amplified and more powerful than logic or any type of reasoning. Sadness, for example, can grow into a debilitating physical emotion if left unattended. The body feels heavier and a person’s perception of the world becomes dim. The more we feed into this way of thinking the deeper we get sucked into the realm of negativity. The struggle with emotions is that our thoughts are their fuel. If we do not have control over our thoughts our emotions will continue to stampede through our lives, relationships and our overall wellbeing.

Unless we are conscious of what we are feeling and when it begins to arise it is easy to get stuck in this way of thinking.

Responding to something takes mental strength, effort and mindfulness.

Mental Strength

The mental strength of holding onto the original thought, phrase or event with the potential to send one spiraling into a predetermined reaction. Picture a set of brain muscles holding on for dear life to a pole in a storm. That pole is the reason your emotions began to arise in the first place. The storm is the thoughts and scenarios that follow the initial thought. They will bombard you, tempt you, upset you and make you consider letting go of the pole and holding on to them instead. The thought storm, has been groomed over the years to be powerful instantly leading you to believe you are weak against it. However, your mental strength uses the tool of patience to weather any storm and patience will always outlast anguish.

Effort

Effort is the second step to responding rather than reacting. Effort is a form of determination, meaning it must be constant and not only be present when the thought storm isn’t as harsh. It must persevere and always continue moving forward, even if at a slow paced speed. Some storms you will have to face multiple times and each time you will grow in mental strength and effort. These may become easier in time to overcome but there will continue to be obstacles and strong storms waiting to test you. Effort comes in right after mental strength and plays a bit of a bigger role. It’s the constant reminder to come back to this way of coping with emotions. It’s the determination to stay with the discomfort face it head on every time. Effort is coming back to something you know may not be a pleasant experience but doing it time and time again knowing it will make you a stronger person mentally.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the third step in responding rather than reacting and you will constantly be using all three, at different and sometimes the same times. Although the concept of these three steps is a simple one it does not mean it will be easy. Mindfulness is observing this moment without passing judgment or wishing it were different. This does not mean you will be at peace with it instantly. It does mean, however, you are no longer trying to change what has already happened or wishing for a better outcome. You will be deciding to leave unnecessary mental anguish and suffering behind you for this new way of coping.

You have the choice to respond to the emotions that arise within you. What makes you believe you aren’t in control is the power behind your thinking habits. It takes an incredible amount of mental strength to believe in your ability to change, and an unending amount of effort to never give up and multiple doses of mindfulness to stay present with how you’re coping with emotions. When you choose to pause our regularly scheduled rumination, thinking or behavior pattern you interrupt autopilot. Allowing you to tune into what the mind and body are up to and become present with what is happening.

So pause, take a deep breath, and remember you’re in control.