A 4 Step Guide to Calm

Posted on November 24, 2019May 24, 2023 by Sabrina Renee

How is Stress affecting you?

Stress is experienced through various channels such as mental, emotional, personal, and relational. Whether it be a thought or experience out of your control, the stressor that has triggered an emotion becomes a part of you as energy.

Stress can turn into physical tension, emotional baggage, mental health issues or problematic behavior in the relationships in your life. There are certain stressors that are simply apart of life however, their impact on your wellbeing should not be as easily accepted.

The way you perceive the world plays a pivotal role in how you are reacting to the stress that occurs. Your perception of others is a mirror of what is happening within you. Therefore the gateway to responding consciously to stressful situations in your life is to raise your level of self-awareness.

After years of studying mindful awareness and stress reduction, I’ve come up with a simple practice that reminds you of how to remain calm and come back to the present moment.

Learn to Check Your G.E.E.K.

Gratitude, ego, expectation, and kindness are the 4 prompts that help ground you when experiencing strong negative emotions. This practice can be used when you are frustrated with yourself, angry with another person, or with a circumstance that happened outside of your control.

Below you’ll learn the power G.E.E.K and how to practice it.

Gratitude: Set an intention of APPRECIATION

Gratitude is the answer to living a happy life. The best way to practice gratitude is to find the good in what frustrates you and what you view as a problem. Everything is an opportunity to practice patience and growth. If you can begin to shift your perspective to thinking this way you are making progress.

Ego: Set an intention of EMPATHY

The ego is always living in the past or the future. It is threatened when you experience a negative emotion and will encourage any thinking that involves staying angry or retaliation. Often times it feels natural to lead with egoic thinking as a default. Practicing pause to ask the following questions is an interruption to emotionally driven thinking, giving you the chance to reframe your thoughts to problem-solving not problem sulking.

Expectation: Set an intention of PATIENCE

Expectations are always attached to particular outcomes you assume will unfold, often without awareness. Therefore both disappointment and happiness can be tied into the expectations you set for yourself and others. When overcome with intense emotion work to find the root of the issue by understanding what expectations allowed you to feel this way.

Kindness: Set an intention of COMPASSION

Practice a kind and generous way of thinking, being, and living. The way you treat yourself will reflect on the relationships you form in your life. Bring attention to negative self-talk and practice a compassionate inner language.

fashion woman notebook pen

Practices and Journal Prompts

for Finding Calm

The following questions are meant to interrupt your emotional mind from wanting to react and encourage you to shift your perception to one of compassion. Before you more on to the next intention and set of questions be sure to pause and take 3-5 deep breaths.

While you are in the midst of a pause your breath is the tool that will navigate you through what your autopilot would normally take care of. When focusing on your breath you are bringing the mind into the present moment to truly process and comprehend what’s happening and what follows.

The more you practice pausing the more you will continuously interrupt an unpleasant habit of thinking, which would most likely lead to unpleasant behavior. This is the way to control your moods.

(GRATITUDE)

With the intention of appreciation in mind, ask yourself:

Finding 3 things to be grateful for in what is currently causing you to suffer. Finding appreciation in that which causes you unpleasantness is the ultimate shift from victim to wisdom.

Ask yourself, how can I find the goodness in those who test my patience?

Notice the power of gratitude and the positive shifts you’re making with your thoughts before moving onto exploring ego.

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale invite a smile of appreciation for doing the inner work to shift your perspective of yourself and others.

(EGO)

**With the intention of empathy in mind, ask yourself:**

Am I comparing myself with someone else rather than expressing compassion for them? If so, how healthy is it to be comparing myself to others right now?

That which frustrates you can often be a mirror for areas of improvement in your life. Ask yourself, can I honestly see my own mistakes/shortcomings mirrored back to me?

What ways can I practice letting go?

How can I practice empathy to better understand this circumstance? Or the perspective of the other person?

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale extend understanding to yourself and others who may be experiencing suffering in any way. Clear your mind and welcome a clean slate for a fresh perspective.

(EXPECTATION)

With the intention of patience in mind, ask yourself:

Whenever we feel disappointed, frustrated or upset it is due to an expectation we set for ourselves or for another. With that in mind ask yourself:

What expectations have I set that allowed me to experience this emotion?

Understanding your control lies within the response, not the circumstance is a powerful realization. Ask yourself

What is a positive way to respond to this situation?

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale release your grip on this situation. Clear your mind and welcome a clean slate for a fresh perspective.

(KINDNESS)

With the intention of compassion in mind, ask yourself:

After analyzing this situation with an open-minded perspective it is important that you end your thoughts on a note of kindness. Ask yourself:

Am I being kind to myself in this circumstance?

Consider the voice that’s been answering these questions for you. How was the tone of that voice? Were you gentle with your responses or did they surface as harsh?

If you noticed judgment in your self-talk try replacing it with a response you would say to a friend in your situation. Be understanding, kind and positive.

Am I being kind to those around me?

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale invite kind circumstances to yourself and others. Clear your mind and welcome a clean slate for a fresh perspective.

If you’re feeling better about the situation move forward with compassion and inner trust that all is unfolding as it needs to. If not, go back to the top and spend a little longer on whichever section is speaking to you. Use this practice as much as you need to. Take note of the questions that caused you to pause a bit longer or challenged your thinking.

Checking your G.E.E.K. can be a short in the moment practice or a longer one for deeper reflection. However, you use it be sure to embody the intentions you set before asking yourself questions that raise your self-awareness.

Remember that change begins with awareness of self, and it starts with you.

LOVE. HEAL. GROW.

Practices

5 Conscious Choices to Improve Humanity

Posted on November 8, 2019 by Sabrina Renee

Feeling good and living well ultimately comes down to choices. How you care for the body that carries you through the day, the consideration you put into connecting with others, whether you choose to be of service to a group of people, and the contribution you choose depends on the decisions you make every day. Believe it or not, it doesn’t only involve you. By making a conscious effort to live a life of service and fulfillment you impact the people you interact with every day.

So what if you put some intention behind those actions?

If everyone made conscious choices for themselves and invited others to experience these joys humanity would thrive! By making conscious choices for ourselves while considering others we have the potential to grow happier and healthier, together.

5 Ways to Impact Others

1. CONNECT

Support others

When you support others in their work, life, or personal journey you create a healthy and safe foundation. This connection is powerful because it allows you to grow as a person while helping others do the same; creating an endless amount of possibilities. So PLEASE let your friends and loved ones know that you believe in what they are doing and that you’ll be there for them through it. Sometimes it isn’t implied simply because you are in their life, sometimes it does need to be said.

Explore your interests

Remember doing sports as a child and all of the fun you had interacting with your teammates? Being an adult doesn’t have to take that fun away. Get to know others who enjoy the same sport, past time or activity as you. Expand on your hobbies and invest some time into developing your skills and understanding together. Spending time with people who can relate to you and your interests is a great way to build friendships.

Disconnecting from the virtual world

Put down your phone, close the laptop for a while and connect with those around you. At bus stops, in elevators, while you’re standing in line at the grocery store you have the opportunity to meet someone new. All new things bring with them the potential for the unknown. You may form a relationship or just learn a valuable lesson from each other. Look up and open your eyes to all the wonder around you.

2. BE ACTIVE

Daily intentional movement

Your body should be celebrated every day because it truly is a miracle. All of the dreaded movement, such as exercise or walking up multiple flights of steps, should be viewed through the eyes of gratitude. Each day make a conscious effort to get a morning or evening stretching in. Reward your muscles for how hard they are constantly working for you by treating them with relaxation and replenishment.

What activity makes you happy?

Think about what kind of movement makes you the happiest. If you’re an athlete it may be the preparation for your competition or hitting the gym. Others enjoy running or taking a walk with beautiful scenery. Personally I absolutely love dancing and make sure I do a little bit each day. Whatever movement makes you feel alive and grateful be sure to prioritize time to do so. Improve your mood with an exciting activity.

Long and short term benefits

The benefits of exercise are physical, mental and emotional. Along with keeping your heart healthy with cardio and building strength with weights, you are boosting your energy levels and reducing your stress levels. Those weekly workouts start to add up into a happy and healthy lifestyle. Finding an accountability partner or group creates an atmosphere that you look forward to every week. When you commit to your goals with others it builds a strong bond both in and outside of the fitness world.

3. TAKE NOTICE

Practice mindfulness

Every day that you wake up is a blessing in itself, yet with busy lives, it’s easy to take it for granted. How often are you aware of your breath and the miracle of life? How often are your thoughts where your body is, in the present moment? Make a conscious effort to notice daily habits that contribute deeply to your day. For instance brushing your teeth in the morning, getting into the shower with clean hot water and having a home where all of this takes place. Say thank you every day, for everything.

Thoughts and feelings

When you take the time to notice your thoughts and how they make you feel it saves the trouble of worry and stress. Getting familiar with your mind is the start of a better relationship with yourself. As the relationship grows and gets deeper, practice letting go of all that is weighing you down. The more you practice being aware of emotions the more enjoyable life becomes.

Practicing gratitude

Gratitude is known to amplify happy thoughts and positive circumstances. By practicing gratitude for all of the good in life and the lessons the bad taught you, the doors for great things ahead are opened. Expand your gratitude beyond your personal life and into the world around you. Appreciate the sky with both clouds and stars, be aware of the trees and water surrounding you and consider how much nature contributes to your life.

4. KEEP LEARNING

Learning through experience

A favorite outlet of mine is reflective writing about the day, how I’m feeling and what I’d change next time. Pick up a notebook and write down how you’re feeling or what you’re currently involved in. One day you can look back and be humbled by your mental growth. Or maybe even help someone in a similar situation. Continue to remind yourself how far you have come by triumphing the easy and difficult experiences.

The power of a good read

READERS ARE LEADERS! Whether you are a leader on a team, a leader in your business or leading your life in the best direction possible reading will get you there faster. Understanding the perspectives of others helps us avoid making similar mistakes and gives insight into another person’s struggle. Try swapping out a Netflix show for a 30-minute reading session this week.

Allowing the wisdom of others to teach you

Listen to those who are willing to offer loving and caring advice. Don’t judge them if they are older, and especially if they are younger, because everyone experiences life at a different pace. Stay open-minded to those who are willing to help. You may be humbled and able to avoid some mistakes in the future.

5. GIVE

Be kind

Being kind to others is the most inexpensive way to make the world a better place. Treating people the way you wish to be treated is just as contagious as a negative behavior toward others. The choice is always yours and it’s often much simpler than you make it out to be. It could be holding the door open for someone, saying hello to a stranger or wishing someone a beautiful day. Keeping others in mind is a powerful attribute and echoes throughout humanity.

Give back

It’s important to remember where you were and how it felt to struggle. Giving back is one of the sincerest forms of gratitude and there is never enough of it. Everyone is at different stages in their life and there’s always a way to give back. Choose what you are able to give that can help someone’s life improve. Whether it’s clothes that no longer serve you, money if you have some to spare, a lesson learned from a tough road in your life, and most importantly give someone your time. Be present with those you are speaking or listening to, give them your undivided attention, and when possible give them peace of mind.

To Forgive is to give

Forgiveness means letting go of what is weighing you down, accepting what has happened and choosing to move forward. This does not mean to excuse whatever action or person hurt you, this does not mean that you’ll allow it to happen again. Forgiveness is an act of freedom. To forgive means to create more space in your heart for love and in your mind for understanding. When you forgive you give humanity another chance to show you their innate goodness. Always make room for that.

The Power To Improve Humanity

Imagine a world that everyone participated in these actions each day. Some small, some big, but everyone is involved. Imagine a world where the ripple effects of kindness, gratitude, forgiveness, honesty, movement, knowledge and love were felt on a massive scale. I don’t believe the world is too far off from living this life as a whole, but it begins with the choices made each day.

When you choose to open your hearts to others you grow in compassion and understanding. Through deep connection, an active lifestyle, noticing the world around us, giving to others and continuing to learn you are contributing positively to humanity. Making conscious decisions to be better versions of yourself allows you to collectively help the world become a better place. The happier you are the more you want to spread it to others, all while increasing our wellbeing.

Stay positive, keep moving, be open-minded, contribute selflessly, and build relationships. Remember, it’s good for your health and the wellbeing of humanity.

MindBody

How To Start Your Morning

Posted on October 14, 2019 by Sabrina Renee

The choices you make at the beginning of the day set the tone for the rest of your day. This is the most important time of your day to practice mindful awareness. First consider the initial thoughts as the day begins. Then consider the time you prioritize for getting ready, as well as transportation to work or school.

Is your attention focused on what you have to do or are you enjoying the first moments of your day? Do you stretch out your body or jump out of bed and into your routine? Are you allowing enough time between your alarm and the moment you need to arrive somewhere? At any point have you expressed gratitude for simply waking up and having the opportunity to begin again?

Mindset
Notice if your thoughts are focused on what needs to be done next and bring them back to right now. Your thoughts live in the future, taking you away from the present. If you find these thoughts are negative tell yourself “Today will be a great day because” and name three reasons.

Body
Check in with how you are feeling today. Notice the sensations in your body, any tightness or tension you’re holding. Take a deep breath and on the exhale relax your body. Bring attention to all five senses and practice gratitude for being able to use them all for another day.

Responsibilities
When looking ahead into your day do so with an attitude of gratitude. Instead of viewing your responsibilities as chores or burdens, appreciate all of the amenities these responsibilities have brought you. Give thanks for your job, for your ability to go to school, to drive or find transportation to anywhere you need to be.

Setting Intentions for The Day

Overwhelm is experienced when you lack preparation. Plan the day out first thing in the morning with an intention. An intention is an attitude or way of being that you aim for throughout the day. The most fitting intention is to become aware, starting with your thoughts.

A few other intentions that would help you optimize your day:

Patience
Positive outlook
Gratitude
Kindness
Confidence
Productivity
Practice pause
Practice stillness
Focus
Clarity

If you’re reading this in the middle of the day you can still set an intention for the remainder of your day. Change doesn’t happen when you get a fresh start. It happens when you become aware of your choices and make a conscious effort to choose something better for your mental and physical health. Start by setting an intention, by checking in with your thoughts, by being grateful for this very moment. Just start.

Healing, MindBody

Practices of a Healthy Mind

Posted on October 11, 2019 by Sabrina Renee

What is Meditation?

“A quality of high attentiveness and concentration. An attitude of open mindedness and curiosity.”

Meditation is the disciplined practice of concentration and focus, whether it be on the breath, a movement, a repeated phrase or an object. It can be done while sitting in a chair or on a mat, standing, lying down, practicing yoga or taking a walk. Essentially, it is the act of paying attention and increasing your focus muscle, inviting a sense of calm and clarity to the mind. This is often misinterpreted as clearing the mind of all thought, but that’s definitely not the point of meditation. It’s about practicing the art of slowing down both mentally and physically.

There is no end goal to meditation. It is a practice meant to be applied throughout your life. The more you practice the better you become at practicing stillness. It’s important not to become discouraged by any difficulty in the beginning. One of the biggest challenges when starting a meditation practice is that there is no instant gratification. The world we live in thrives on immediate answers to questions and solutions to problems. Moreover, our emotions are lacking regulation because we simply don’t take the time to experience them as they occur. It isn’t easy to face the reasons why we feel pulled in 6 different directions at one time, however it is important to get in touch with those reasons.

Slowing down and paying attention is exactly what we need to balance us out in such a fast paced society. It allows us the chance to be present and appreciate what we have in the midst of striving for more. The mind won’t function at a higher rate with the same mentality that burns it out. The definition of insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting new results.

So what is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a practice of awareness. Practicing awareness is bringing your focus to either your thoughts, physical sensations or breathing, whatever is occurring at this moment. When you are being mindful you are utilizing the traits of patience, acceptance, forgiveness, nonjudgment and having a beginner’s mind toward yourself and others. Whether in the form of anxiety or a difficult emotion, we need to start paying attention to our emotions and learn to regulate them in the moment.

Although mindfulness and meditation are both practices they are not one in the same. Mindfulness incorporates the principles listed above and can be practiced at any moment. It is the simple act of paying attention to the minor details that are normally glanced over. Brushing your teeth, showering and walking out of your house, just to name a few. For instance, have you ever driven from one place to another and didn’t remember the actual driving process? After learning how to drive it becomes habitual. The mind kicks in when it’s necessary, like an emergency brake or when traffic breaks so we speed up. But for the majority of the time we allow our autopilot to take over.

If we can allow our awareness to shut off when we are operating a vehicle daily,

how many other vital moments are we missing?

Mindful Awareness Meditation

This is a simple discipline that will both challenge and change you, combining both mindful awareness and meditation into one very powerful practice. First you need something to focus on and in this case it will be your breath. The only way to know when you are distracted is if your attention is on one thing to begin with. The breath is portable, easily accessible and always in the present moment-making it the ideal single point of focus.

Next you’ll need to find a comfortable posture. If you’re choosing a chair I would recommend one without arms to practice proper posture, feet flat on the floor. Placing your palms on your knees, facing the ceiling or resting on your lap (pretend you’re holding a giant imaginary wheel.) Remember you can also lay down and practice on a mat. I wouldn’t suggest doing so on your bed; your body understands that comfort zone as place to sleep, not pay attention.

Finally set a duration of time, preferably 10 minutes to start, and focus on your breath. Your thoughts will absolutely interrupt you and pull you away from your purpose. Some may be unpleasant or fantastical, continue to remind yourself gently why you are sitting here. Keep coming back to the breath. Losing your train of thought is just another form of practicing patience with yourself. Don’t attach expectations of disciplined stillness onto this practice when this is something you’ve never done. And don’t give up at the first sign of frustration!

Struggling to sit in stillness for 10 minutes is why you should continue to practice sitting still.

Practicing Discipline and Responding to Distraction

When you first begin to meditate your thoughts will be running wild. Your mind thinks this way 24/7. The only difference is now you are paying attention to those rapid thoughts. That’s a HUGE step in the direction of progress. Remember meditation is a disciplined practice. Be kind, patient and forgiving toward yourself when losing track of the breath. Keep coming back to the breath over and over and over again.

The time of day you choose to meditate varies for each person. Most of the books I’ve read recommend doing it first thing in the morning to set the tone of the day. I’ve found it helps pairing meditation time with a responsibility or chore. My morning practice takes place after I brush my teeth. I sit on a chair or mat for at least ten minutes, focusing on my breath and visualizing the day ahead. On the days that I am extremely distracted struggling to stay still, I gain the most from my practice. With that experience in mind I know it’s important to continue checking in on my moods and thoughts throughout the day.

Keep coming back! This advice can not be said enough. Come back to your breath, the chair, the reason why you sat still to begin with. Only then will responding to the mental distractions become easier. It’s not about clearing your mind but rather working toward peace of mind. Committing to meditation, even just ten minutes a day will build your awareness of self and increase your ability to regulate emotions.

TRY THIS AT HOME!

If there were a way to slow the chatter of your mind, learn to control your moods, and ultimately become a better person you’d jump on the chance. Meditation is that practice. It is not a quick fix because it’s the journey that is meant to change you. Only in experiencing moments of discomfort are you pushed to fulfill your potential. Practicing stillness makes you grow through what you go through.

Whatever success looks like in your life meditation will only help you get there. Commit to your future self’s mental health and practice meditation for one week, 10 minutes a day. Pay attention to the challenges, not with a judgmental mind but with an open awareness- get to know the real you.

Meditation is not just for religious people, spiritual people, or those who believe in something higher. It’s for those who wish to function optimally in an ever-changing world.

Healing, MindBody

Coping With Anxious Mind

Posted on October 7, 2019January 24, 2023 by Sabrina Renee

“Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.“

-Albert Einstein

If you’ve experienced the power of anxiety you understand that it can often paralyze your mind and body. When your thinking gets hijacked by anxious thoughts it can create havoc in your life and quickly destroy inner peace. It’s possible to understand how to cope with an anxious mind but first, you have to get ahead of it. Taking back your thoughts starts with changing your thinking.

The time to learn how to redirect your thoughts isn’t in the midst of an anxious moment. It isn’t when you’re body is reacting to the emotion you’re experiencing. It definitely isn’t when you’ve already taken a negative action toward yourself or another person. The right time to understand the importance of redirecting your thoughts and shifting your focus is before it arises again.

Coping With An Anxious Mind

Coping with an anxious mind is a marathon, not a sprint and the training is extensive. The mental exhaustion caused by the creation of hypothetical scenarios is enough to keep you indecisive and filled with fear. That same amount of energy can be utilized to rewire the mind to focus the attention on the present moment.

As with all change, it begins with awareness of yourself. It requires a practice of separating the components of anxiety, understanding the mind and body connection, and implementing pause to practice responding appropriately to the experience. The separation exercise is what I use and teach my client, to break anxiety into 3 tangible parts: Thoughts, Physical Sensations, and Behaviors.

Each person’s level of anxiety differs from manageable to debilitating, with multiple levels in between. By understanding the cycle of anxiety you can acquire the tools to combat it when it rears its ugly head, no matter how intense it is. It’s essential to separate yourself from anxiety-producing thoughts such as self-doubt, fear, angst, scarcity, etc. The thinking mind is one of the first things to get hijacked when under anxiety’s grip, therefore it’s important to practice noticing when it begins creeping up.

How to Take Action

The trick to communicating positively with your thinking mind is to ask the right questions. If you ask “why do I feel this way?” you’ll typically start spiraling even quicker into whatever negative emotion you’re feeling. However, if you try asking yourself “how can I feel better?” you’ll get a more direct answer leading you away from how you feel and toward where you want to feel.

What thoughts are you experiencing right now?
What questions am I willing to do to heal from here?
How can I feel stronger? Happier? In control? More confident?

Physical sensations in the body are connected to the thoughts you are thinking, emotions you are feeling, or behaviors you are choosing to act on. An example of this anxiety would be heart palpitations, sweaty palms, dry mouth, tight chest, clenched fists, etc. This is the body reacting to warn you of danger or protect you because it perceives your anxiety as life-threatening.

When you zoom out of the severity of the situation, or when you’ve finally calmed down, it seems silly to have jumped to such intense conclusions. But the truth is the mind and body were working together to keep you safe and protected, from yourself.

The solution? Start paying attention to your body like it’s a science experiment through mindful awareness. This exact process helped me combat debilitating anxiety and I believe with some consistent practice, patience, and a smidge of humor you could do the same.

Start by taking notice of how your body is reacting. State it to yourself without judgment, be curious, open, and present at this moment. Avoid words like good, bad, scary, always, never, happy, sad, exciting, nervous, etc. Describe your experience with facts only, not emotion or past experience.

“My heart is beating very fast, interesting.”

“My palms are sweaty, huh.”

“My breath is shallow.”

“My stomach/chest feels tight.”

After each observation, take a few deep breaths, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. Make your exhalation a bit longer than the inhalation to relax the muscles, letting your mind and body know you are taking control now.

Behaviors are decisions you come to after your thoughts have driven you to choose a particular path. However, behaviors under the influence of anxiety are intoxicated with whatever emotion you are feeling.

For instance, if your anxiety is fueled by fear of public speaking, your thoughts will trick you into thinking you are inadequate, and your physical sensations may be a closed throat and trembling body, therefore your behavior will be to never practice public speaking. Because you were under the influence of fear you’ve lost out on the opportunity to rise to the occasion of trying something new.

To be sure you are choosing your behaviors with a wise mind practicing pause is a significant practice. Before you make a choice under the influence of anxiety pause. Run through the ‘thought questions’, check in with your physical sensations, and decide if you’re capable of making a conscious decision right now.

When your thinking mind has been hijacked by anxiety everything has a sense of urgency, time is flying by, and each decision feels as if it needs to be made quickly. More than likely there is plenty of time to take time to sober up your thinking through deep breaths, come back to the present moment, and make a conscious effort to think clearly again.

Let’s Review

The thoughts in your thinking mind are influenced by the emotions you have or currently are experiencing. These emotions are what fuel the behaviors and decisions you choose. By practicing the separation exercise each day you can get a better understanding of what your triggers are, how they influence your decisions, and what it will take to take control over your thinking.

Remember, you don’t want to consider your exit strategy when the building is already on fire. Start working on your thoughts and noticing what experiences they lead to before you fall into the tight grips of anxiety.

Dealing with anxiety is in no way an easy feat, and rewiring your thinking process won’t be either. The choice you need to make is, which difficult road will bring you closer to solutions and peace of mind?

Love. Heal. Grow.

Learn how to manage your reactions to stress. Click here to join my free Stress Relief Workshop.