Noticing Inner Dialogue

Posted on February 17, 2020 by Sabrina Renee

The Voice Inside

Each time you participate in any particular behavior, whether it’s label good or bad, you begin to engrave it as a habit. The habits you form stem from every choice you make when faced with a decision. These choices create and mold the person you will ultimately grow to be, therefore what you practice is what you become.

Inner dialogue is no different than those behaviors. The mental chatter that is constantly talking inside your head has immense power over how you judge yourself and your capabilities. It is constantly guiding you toward or away from opportunities depending on your belief system. Inner dialogue is created, amplified and caused by your experiences, which later become patterns. These patterns are put into place because of the choices you make every day, whether you are aware of them or not.

So how aware are you of the choices you are making daily and their impact on your inner environment?

How aware are you of the voice inside your head?

Is it motivating and empowering you?

Is it criticizing and doubting you?

Maybe a little bit of both?

The struggle with changing your patterns and habits is that it is so deeply embedded in the mind that you resort to them without much thought. This is an example of living on autopilot or living mindlessly. When you think about the fact that your mind and body will eventually participate in any behavior continuously practiced, it is fascinating. Because that also means it’s possible to change these patterns into behaviors and thoughts you WANT to have and those that will benefit your well-being.

Consider this: The way you choose to respond or react to a situation eventually becomes your inner dialogue. Circumstances that hurt you, the ones you harbor feelings for, the people you haven’t forgiven. Any situation you face that is similar has the potential to bring you a similar outcome of pain, leading your mind to bring you back to how you handled the first one.

If you want to change your self-talk start by becoming aware of the chatter. Instead of approaching inner dialogue with the intention to change it, just simply become aware of what is already happening. Bring your attention to the tone of voice during challenging times vs. joyful times. Notice how your body may tense up or relax in accordance to the conversation inside your mind. See if you can trace it back to the root judgment that is the cause behind your choices. You may begin to notice the fear of change or a distant memory of a similar situation when you suffered somehow. Once you become aware of the changes you seek you can begin to pause before decision making and decide consciously. Slowly but surely you’ll be rewiring your responses to those that benefit you.

The connection between your experiences and the choices you make is incredible. Make the conscious effort to look closer at it and get a better understanding of who you are choosing to become. Think of the times you’ve made mistakes, took steps back from the huge progress you’ve made and the times you failed. How did you treat yourself mentally?

Were you supportive and forgiving?

Were you kind and understanding, viewing it from more than your personal perspectives?

Did you take the time to listen to how hurt you were as a result?

Did you explore how it made you feel?

Did you treat yourself the way you would a friend?

Most of the time you are your toughest critic, while in a similar situation you would provide warmth and compassion to others. With a more conscious effort, you could start to shift not only your relationship with yourself but your response to the world around you.

If every day you choose to be kind to yourself as a result you would become a kinder human being. The same goes for being critical, understanding, angry and compassionate. It all lies within the choices you make every day. So wake up and pay attention to what you allow into the mind. Because whether you are aware or not there is a constant conversation going on inside you. It’s time you became a part of it.

Growth

Being Purpose Driven in 2020

Posted on January 5, 2020 by Sabrina Renee

What is Your Purpose?

Such a loaded question for some and so simple for others. For all of us, finding your purpose equals finding meaning in your life and the moments you invest in. When you’ve identified your purpose life choices get narrow, the trajectory of your life becomes a bit more clear. Life’s purpose is not what you do but rather who you innately are.

My purpose is to be a healer, to heal myself so that I may teach others the tools to heal themselves. Although it took years and years to redefine it in such simple terms, it remained true through all occupations. As someone working the stock room in retail, as a server at Applebee’s, as a child care attendant and as a personal trainer, this was who I have always been at the core. So whether you know exactly what your purpose is or you have absolutely no clue, or even if you’re somewhere in between the two here is my advice to you: don’t allow your current life circumstance to define your purpose for you.

Creating a Purpose Driven Life

Creating a purpose-driven life means understanding the values that align with it. Once those values are identified they become the focal points of your thinking and decision making. Deciding to live a life on purpose sounds simple enough but it comes with the price of self-discipline. These values may reveal themselves or match easily with the life you visualize, but the hard work comes when those values clash with any current belief system. The biggest challenge for me was identifying that one of my values was respecting my self-worth which often meant putting my needs before others. Until an opportunity to help a friend, family member, or even someone I was dating went against that value. The belief system I had for so long made me feel that putting myself first was a form of betrayal of those I love. Therein lies the choice: change or familiarity?

Now, of course, each circumstance and person is different. There are no right answers across the board for any core values defined. But it will more often than not invite an inner conflict into your life. One that forces you to choose between who you’ve always been and who you wish to be. It’s about strengthening your intuition and trusting what feels like the best way to go. When this happens don’t judge yourself by labeling one answer right or wrong. Just remember only ONE choice can bring you closer to living a life on purpose. Choose wisely.

Not a Destination, A Way of Living

The more you challenge your belief system the more self-aware you become. Self-awareness is a tool that allows you to confront thoughts before they become actions. If practicing self-awareness becomes a habit than so does the opportunity to create change. Because change doesn’t happen once you declare you’re ready for it. Change doesn’t occur because you’ve clearly defined your core values or proclaimed a particular way of living. Life begins to change when you interrupt the pattern of behavior or thinking to shift the trajectory of your path. When you decide to trust your gut over the nostalgic and all too familiar choice that is insisting to be chosen. Change shows up in life when you constantly and consistently show up with the tool of self-awareness.

Here are 5 ways to show up on purpose:

Set intentions before taking actions
Check-in with your thoughts and experiences throughout the day
Question the beliefs that challenge your defined values
Say no to what does not align with your purpose
Be kind to yourself as you grow through each experience

Remaining True to Yourself

Staying the course will be filled with hard choices and lessons learned, so move forward with compassion. Taking responsibility for where you are in life is just as important as forgiving yourself for mistakes made. There will be parts of yourself that will be surfacing for the first time, invite them with kindness. Use that as a chance to study them with nonjudgmental awareness and make a purpose-driven decision. Appreciate the journey each day rather than focusing on the destination because the more you grow the further it becomes.

Being on purpose is a daily choice that invites more love, joy, fulfillment, and gratitude. Pay attention to what each day has to offer. Practice living a purpose-driven life through the 5 tips and grow through what you go through with awareness.

Mindfulness, Practices

A 4 Step Guide to Calm

Posted on November 24, 2019May 24, 2023 by Sabrina Renee

How is Stress affecting you?

Stress is experienced through various channels such as mental, emotional, personal, and relational. Whether it be a thought or experience out of your control, the stressor that has triggered an emotion becomes a part of you as energy.

Stress can turn into physical tension, emotional baggage, mental health issues or problematic behavior in the relationships in your life. There are certain stressors that are simply apart of life however, their impact on your wellbeing should not be as easily accepted.

The way you perceive the world plays a pivotal role in how you are reacting to the stress that occurs. Your perception of others is a mirror of what is happening within you. Therefore the gateway to responding consciously to stressful situations in your life is to raise your level of self-awareness.

After years of studying mindful awareness and stress reduction, I’ve come up with a simple practice that reminds you of how to remain calm and come back to the present moment.

Learn to Check Your G.E.E.K.

Gratitude, ego, expectation, and kindness are the 4 prompts that help ground you when experiencing strong negative emotions. This practice can be used when you are frustrated with yourself, angry with another person, or with a circumstance that happened outside of your control.

Below you’ll learn the power G.E.E.K and how to practice it.

Gratitude: Set an intention of APPRECIATION

Gratitude is the answer to living a happy life. The best way to practice gratitude is to find the good in what frustrates you and what you view as a problem. Everything is an opportunity to practice patience and growth. If you can begin to shift your perspective to thinking this way you are making progress.

Ego: Set an intention of EMPATHY

The ego is always living in the past or the future. It is threatened when you experience a negative emotion and will encourage any thinking that involves staying angry or retaliation. Often times it feels natural to lead with egoic thinking as a default. Practicing pause to ask the following questions is an interruption to emotionally driven thinking, giving you the chance to reframe your thoughts to problem-solving not problem sulking.

Expectation: Set an intention of PATIENCE

Expectations are always attached to particular outcomes you assume will unfold, often without awareness. Therefore both disappointment and happiness can be tied into the expectations you set for yourself and others. When overcome with intense emotion work to find the root of the issue by understanding what expectations allowed you to feel this way.

Kindness: Set an intention of COMPASSION

Practice a kind and generous way of thinking, being, and living. The way you treat yourself will reflect on the relationships you form in your life. Bring attention to negative self-talk and practice a compassionate inner language.

fashion woman notebook pen

Practices and Journal Prompts

for Finding Calm

The following questions are meant to interrupt your emotional mind from wanting to react and encourage you to shift your perception to one of compassion. Before you more on to the next intention and set of questions be sure to pause and take 3-5 deep breaths.

While you are in the midst of a pause your breath is the tool that will navigate you through what your autopilot would normally take care of. When focusing on your breath you are bringing the mind into the present moment to truly process and comprehend what’s happening and what follows.

The more you practice pausing the more you will continuously interrupt an unpleasant habit of thinking, which would most likely lead to unpleasant behavior. This is the way to control your moods.

(GRATITUDE)

With the intention of appreciation in mind, ask yourself:

Finding 3 things to be grateful for in what is currently causing you to suffer. Finding appreciation in that which causes you unpleasantness is the ultimate shift from victim to wisdom.

Ask yourself, how can I find the goodness in those who test my patience?

Notice the power of gratitude and the positive shifts you’re making with your thoughts before moving onto exploring ego.

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale invite a smile of appreciation for doing the inner work to shift your perspective of yourself and others.

(EGO)

**With the intention of empathy in mind, ask yourself:**

Am I comparing myself with someone else rather than expressing compassion for them? If so, how healthy is it to be comparing myself to others right now?

That which frustrates you can often be a mirror for areas of improvement in your life. Ask yourself, can I honestly see my own mistakes/shortcomings mirrored back to me?

What ways can I practice letting go?

How can I practice empathy to better understand this circumstance? Or the perspective of the other person?

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale extend understanding to yourself and others who may be experiencing suffering in any way. Clear your mind and welcome a clean slate for a fresh perspective.

(EXPECTATION)

With the intention of patience in mind, ask yourself:

Whenever we feel disappointed, frustrated or upset it is due to an expectation we set for ourselves or for another. With that in mind ask yourself:

What expectations have I set that allowed me to experience this emotion?

Understanding your control lies within the response, not the circumstance is a powerful realization. Ask yourself

What is a positive way to respond to this situation?

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale release your grip on this situation. Clear your mind and welcome a clean slate for a fresh perspective.

(KINDNESS)

With the intention of compassion in mind, ask yourself:

After analyzing this situation with an open-minded perspective it is important that you end your thoughts on a note of kindness. Ask yourself:

Am I being kind to myself in this circumstance?

Consider the voice that’s been answering these questions for you. How was the tone of that voice? Were you gentle with your responses or did they surface as harsh?

If you noticed judgment in your self-talk try replacing it with a response you would say to a friend in your situation. Be understanding, kind and positive.

Am I being kind to those around me?

Take 5 deep breaths and with each exhale invite kind circumstances to yourself and others. Clear your mind and welcome a clean slate for a fresh perspective.

If you’re feeling better about the situation move forward with compassion and inner trust that all is unfolding as it needs to. If not, go back to the top and spend a little longer on whichever section is speaking to you. Use this practice as much as you need to. Take note of the questions that caused you to pause a bit longer or challenged your thinking.

Checking your G.E.E.K. can be a short in the moment practice or a longer one for deeper reflection. However, you use it be sure to embody the intentions you set before asking yourself questions that raise your self-awareness.

Remember that change begins with awareness of self, and it starts with you.

LOVE. HEAL. GROW.

Know Better: Magic vs Logic

Since childhood my head has been filled with extraordinary ideas. Any idea that I was passionate about I held on to tight. I would dream about it, write about it, talk about it and begin to work towards it. Thinking it through with logic and dissecting what could go wrong if I pursued it was never a strong suit of mine. In fact I don’t believe any child should follow a dream with that kind of thinking. If I wanted it and believed in it there was no reason in sight why it couldn’t become a reality. Having others share my excitement and enthusiasm for these ideas was of great importance to me, sometimes just as important as my own opinion. If someone close to me did not agree, or see the possibilities, I allowed the negativity to take over.

When I would share these thoughts I held high expectations to the responses people gave me. If I didn’t receive positive feedback it felt as if someone let the air out of my dream. I was discouraged, frustrated and let down. I allowed other people’s reaction to validate my way of viewing the world. Some couldn’t fathom how it could be done while others gave me reasons as to why it would be too hard to accomplish. After a while the points were making complete sense and logic seemed so much stronger than magic ever could be.

In order for me to truly be happy and keep my passion alive I knew had to change my idea of acceptance. It took years for me to see how detrimental it is to give anyone that type of power over a decision that is ultimately my own to make. Everyone has different mindsets to go with different dreams and no one needs to agree for it to be possible. I decided I was no longer going to allow approval or validation to come from anywhere other than within.

As a grown woman I have vowed to keep the passionate child within me alive. The difference is now I am careful who I share my ideas with. I am conscious of the energies that wish me well and those who do not. At times I still find myself becoming discouraged due to the actions or beliefs of others, particularly if they are hurtful. Instead of getting frustrated I have decided to thank myself for being able to notice when my emotions take the lead, forgive myself and begin again.

It has not always been easy to turn a negative circumstance into a positive lesson. It takes moments of stillness to collect my thoughts and constant reminders to forgive and be kind. It takes a great amount of mental discipline to keep all of this in mind while remembering never to take it personal. I must extend these feelings of love and acceptance to those around me as well, especially for those who do not wish the same for me. Being mindful of my sensitivity toward actions out of my control has proven to be a way of strengthening my patience and understanding. It has also taught me that the intentions of others are not to prohibit me from striving toward my ultimate goal. This obstacle continues to appear in different times and events along my path, helping me grow into the person who is capable of becoming successful while remaining full of compassion, empathy and love.

Logic states something is valid within a particular set of principles and/or strict rules.

Magic gives us the freedom to believe anything is possible.

Believe.

#StayMindful

Mindfulness, Personal Growth

A Day of Mindfulness: A Life Long Messsage

Posted on September 13, 2016 by Sabrina Renee

A Sunday well spent

At 7:45 am I set off to the Blue Cliff monastery which is surrounded by mountains in upstate New York. The ride was about an hour and a half, 45 minutes consisted of miles and miles of immense trees. It began to drizzle and quickly stopped, as the grey clouds separated revealing a beautiful autumn sky. The closer I got to the mountains the fluffier they became, almost as if the clouds were aware of my plans and were conspiring to set the tone. After having an intense week filled with stress and responsibilities I had been counting down the minutes until I began my day of mindfulness. It was finally here.

Upon my arrival the monks and visitors had already begun singing Buddhist songs of love and peace, setting a welcoming vibe as I walked across Mindfulness Road to join them. As we put hands together in gratitude I looked around at the handful of people I’ve never met and yet felt at home with. Experiencing different walks of life that inevitably brought us all together for a day of peace and calm. Collectively we bowed our heads and set an intention before starting our mindful walk through the forest. For the mindful walks I have done in the past I usually focus my attention on my feet; slowly placing my left heel down and then my right, almost as if I’m walking in slow motion. This time I decided to change my intention to focusing on my breath and simply appreciating life.

If you’ve never heard of or experienced a mindful walk I highly suggest giving it a try. There are many different types of mindful practices, all of which consist of paying attention to an action, or actions that we usually don’t give a second thought to. We are turning off our autopilot and noticing it as if it were the first time. The mindful walk allows us a chance to view walking from a different perspective. We get from one point to another and often never pay attention to the in between. The how. It helps us practice gratitude for this simple act that we do every day.

For the most part the mindful walk was silent, only the sounds of footsteps crunching twigs and the wind that kept us company. When we first began it was difficult to silence my thoughts, especially because I had such a stressful week. It felt as if every second my mind thought of something else to distract me. Whether it was wandering into responsibilities waiting for me at home or replaying the events of the past week, focusing was difficult. Remembering my intention was to focus on my breath, I reminded myself of just that, over and over and OVER again. After walking for about 30 minutes we paused for a few moments to just be. Be grateful, be patient, be still. Above me trees were swaying while others were immovable, all of them unapologetically beautiful in their stance. There were tiny chipmunks unseen but absolutely heard, while the birds were quietly in the open. Our walk continued and there were many different statues of Buddha surrounded by piles of 3 rocks on top of one another. People interpret this in different ways. I saw this as a chance to acknowledge that I was at peace and that I have the power to cultivate this at anytime.

“By realizing my emotion I understand impermanence.”

After our mindful walk through the forest we were given sometime to ourselves before sitting in on the dharma talk. I chose to use this time to watch the clouds of course, after all this is my favorite pass time. They were so beautiful I almost lost track of time. The breeze picked up and blew cool mountain air all around. I felt peace of mind for the first time in…I can’t remember when. I headed over to listen to the wisdom of the monk speaking. As she walked in, and again when she sat down, we joined our hands and bowed in gratitude together. Before beginning we collectively paid our respects to those who lost their live 15 years prior on the morning of September 11th. Strangers coming together to create a peaceful and loving feel on such a profound morning. The energy in the room was comforting.

The topic of the talk overall was how our emotions change due to the behavior of others. The example given was when someone does something we do not like we put them in a negative category in our mind. Once someone, or an event, is placed into a particular category it is not likely that we will cleanse our mind of those thoughts and labels. This got me thinking about the stressors I have been experiencing and the labels I have created for them. Just as I had experienced a bad day, or few days, so could the people who upset me. I felt my judgment toward them melt away. I decided that every being in my life had the right to a clean slate, just like me. We were then given a breathing exercise to try: when we inhale we realize the emotion that we are currently feeling, when we exhale we acknowledge the behavior caused by these powerful emotions. Listening to her speak was a life changing experience for me. Her words flowed through the room as if this were all so simply to understand, therefore easy to embody the next time an obstacle feels impossible to get through. Later on in the day I practiced this meditation next to a statue of Buddha and placed my own three rocks atop one another.

She continued on to explain the concept of nondualism. “We are not the same, but we are not different.” What I took from this is that we are all interconnected and yet still individuals who can not be compared to one another. As the lesson continued I began to understand how our emotions tie into nondualism. When a person or event causes us to experience a certain emotion we are quick to judge, and often not change the judgment we have passed until another experience occurs. This is because we have judged ourselves as well, creating an us vs them mentality. Nondualism embodies the principle that we do not have to have similar interests, lifestyles or mindsets for us to thrive together as human beings. It is imperative for humanity to accept that difference does not mean distance, rather it could present the possibility for an opportunity of understanding another way of life. The broader we expand our horizons the faster we break down the barriers between knowledge and ignorance, comfort and fear. When the dharma talk concluded I felt a shift in my being. I felt a boost of confidence in my ability to spread peace and love. Above all else I felt compelled to share these beautiful words with as many people as possible. If you’ve read this until the end, thank you. Do not underestimate the power of positivity. Please pass it on to someone who can benefit from these lessons. Namaste.
#StayMindful