Tag: Behaviors

Posted in Healing

Noticing Inner Dialogue

Posted on by Sabrina Renee

The Voice Inside

Each time you participate in any particular behavior, whether it’s label good or bad, you begin to engrave it as a habit. The habits you form stem from every choice you make when faced with a decision. These choices create and mold the person you will ultimately grow to be, therefore what you practice is what you become. 

Inner dialogue is no different than those behaviors. The mental chatter that is constantly talking inside your head has immense power over how you judge yourself and your capabilities. It is constantly guiding you toward or away from opportunities depending on your belief system. Inner dialogue is created, amplified and caused by your experiences, which later become patterns. These patterns are put into place because of the choices you make every day, whether you are aware of them or not.

So how aware are you of the choices you are making daily and their impact on your inner environment?

How aware are you of the voice inside your head?

Is it motivating and empowering you?

Is it criticizing and doubting you?

Maybe a little bit of both?

The struggle with changing your patterns and habits is that it is so deeply embedded in the mind that you resort to them without much thought. This is an example of living on autopilot or living mindlessly. When you think about the fact that your mind and body will eventually participate in any behavior continuously practiced, it is fascinating. Because that also means it’s possible to change these patterns into behaviors and thoughts you WANT to have and those that will benefit your well-being.

Consider this: The way you choose to respond or react to a situation eventually becomes your inner dialogue. Circumstances that hurt you, the ones you harbor feelings for, the people you haven’t forgiven. Any situation you face that is similar has the potential to bring you a similar outcome of pain, leading your mind to bring you back to how you handled the first one.

If you want to change your self-talk start by becoming aware of the chatter. Instead of approaching inner dialogue with the intention to change it, just simply become aware of what is already happening. Bring your attention to the tone of voice during challenging times vs. joyful times. Notice how your body may tense up or relax in accordance to the conversation inside your mind. See if you can trace it back to the root judgment that is the cause behind your choices. You may begin to notice the fear of change or a distant memory of a similar situation when you suffered somehow. Once you become aware of the changes you seek you can begin to pause before decision making and decide consciously. Slowly but surely you’ll be rewiring your responses to those that benefit you.

The connection between your experiences and the choices you make is incredible. Make the conscious effort to look closer at it and get a better understanding of who you are choosing to become. Think of the times you’ve made mistakes, took steps back from the huge progress you’ve made and the times you failed. How did you treat yourself mentally?

Were you supportive and forgiving?

Were you kind and understanding, viewing it from more than your personal perspectives?

Did you take the time to listen to how hurt you were as a result?

Did you explore how it made you feel?

Did you treat yourself the way you would a friend?

Most of the time you are your toughest critic, while in a similar situation you would provide warmth and compassion to others. With a more conscious effort, you could start to shift not only your relationship with yourself but your response to the world around you.

If every day you choose to be kind to yourself as a result you would become a kinder human being. The same goes for being critical, understanding, angry and compassionate. It all lies within the choices you make every day. So wake up and pay attention to what you allow into the mind. Because whether you are aware or not there is a constant conversation going on inside you. It’s time you became a part of it.

Posted in Practices

Learn How to Respond Consciously

Posted on by Sabrina Renee

When a person is thinking with their emotional mind rather than their logical mind they are essentially under the influence. They have been tricked into believing that their emotions are in control instead of themselves. Or may not be able to tell the difference between emotions and themselves, identifying with each by reciting the phrase I am.

Negative emotions almost feel amplified and more powerful than logic or any type of reasoning. Sadness, for example, can grow into a debilitating physical emotion if left unattended. The body feels heavier and a person’s perception of the world becomes dim. The more we feed into this way of thinking the deeper we get sucked into the realm of negativity. The struggle with emotions is that our thoughts are their fuel. If we do not have control over our thoughts our emotions will continue to stampede through our lives, relationships and our overall wellbeing.

Unless we are conscious of what we are feeling and when it begins to arise it is easy to get stuck in this way of thinking.

Responding to something takes mental strength, effort and mindfulness.

Mental Strength

The mental strength of holding onto the original thought, phrase or event with the potential to send one spiraling into a predetermined reaction. Picture a set of brain muscles holding on for dear life to a pole in a storm. That pole is the reason your emotions began to arise in the first place. The storm is the thoughts and scenarios that follow the initial thought. They will bombard you, tempt you, upset you and make you consider letting go of the pole and holding on to them instead. The thought storm, has been groomed over the years to be powerful instantly leading you to believe you are weak against it. However, your mental strength uses the tool of patience to weather any storm and patience will always outlast anguish. 

Effort

Effort is the second step to responding rather than reacting. Effort is a form of determination, meaning it must be constant and not only be present when the thought storm isn’t as harsh. It must persevere and always continue moving forward, even if  at a slow paced speed. Some storms you will have to face multiple times and each time you will grow in mental strength and effort. These may become easier in time to overcome but there will continue to be obstacles and strong storms waiting to test you. Effort comes in right after mental strength and plays a bit of a bigger role. It’s the constant reminder to come back to this way of coping with emotions. It’s the determination to stay with the discomfort face it head on every time. Effort is coming back to something you know may not be a pleasant experience but doing it time and time again knowing it will make you a stronger person mentally. 

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the third step in responding rather than reacting and you will constantly be using all three, at different and sometimes the same times. Although the concept of these three steps is a simple one it does not mean it will be easy. Mindfulness is observing this moment without passing judgment or wishing it were different. This does not mean you will be at peace with it instantly. It does mean, however, you are no longer trying to change what has already happened or wishing for a better outcome. You will be deciding to leave unnecessary mental anguish and suffering behind you for this new way of coping.

You have the choice to respond to the emotions that arise within you. What makes you believe you aren’t in control is the power behind your thinking habits. It takes an incredible amount of mental strength to believe in your ability to change, and an unending amount of effort to never give up and multiple doses of mindfulness to stay present with how you’re coping with emotions. When you choose to pause our regularly scheduled rumination, thinking or behavior pattern you interrupt autopilot. Allowing you to tune into what the mind and body are up to and become present with what is happening.

So pause, take a deep breath, and remember you’re in control.

Posted in Healing, MindBody

Coping With Anxious Mind

Posted on by Sabrina Renee
“Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.“
-Albert Einstein

 

If you’ve experienced the power of anxiety you understand that it can often paralyze your mind and body. When your thinking gets hijacked by anxious thoughts it can create havoc in your life and quickly destroy inner peace. It’s possible to understand how to cope with an anxious mind but first, you have to get ahead of it. Taking back your thoughts starts with changing your thinking.

 

The time to learn how to redirect your thoughts isn’t in the midst of an anxious moment. It isn’t when you’re body is reacting to the emotion you’re experiencing. It definitely isn’t when you’ve already taken a negative action toward yourself or another person. The right time to understand the importance of redirecting your thoughts and shifting your focus is before it arises again.

 

Coping With An Anxious Mind

Coping with an anxious mind is a marathon, not a sprint and the training is extensive. The mental exhaustion caused by the creation of hypothetical scenarios is enough to keep you indecisive and filled with fear. That same amount of energy can be utilized to rewire the mind to focus the attention on the present moment.

As with all change, it begins with awareness of yourself. It requires a practice of separating the components of anxiety, understanding the mind and body connection, and implementing pause to practice responding appropriately to the experience. The separation exercise is what I use and teach my client, to break anxiety into 3 tangible parts: Thoughts, Physical Sensations, and Behaviors.

 

Each person’s level of anxiety differs from manageable to debilitating, with multiple levels in between. By understanding the cycle of anxiety you can acquire the tools to combat it when it rears its ugly head, no matter how intense it is. It’s essential to separate yourself from anxiety-producing thoughts such as self-doubt, fear, angst, scarcity, etc. The thinking mind is one of the first things to get hijacked when under anxiety’s grip, therefore it’s important to practice noticing when it begins creeping up. 

 

How to Take Action

The trick to communicating positively with your thinking mind is to ask the right questions. If you ask “why do I feel this way?” you’ll typically start spiraling even quicker into whatever negative emotion you’re feeling. However, if you try asking yourself “how can I feel better?” you’ll get a more direct answer leading you away from how you feel and toward where you want to feel.

 

  • What thoughts are you experiencing right now?
  • What questions am I willing to do to heal from here?
  • How can I feel stronger? Happier? In control? More confident? 

 

Physical sensations in the body are connected to the thoughts you are thinking, emotions you are feeling, or behaviors you are choosing to act on. An example of this anxiety would be heart palpitations, sweaty palms, dry mouth, tight chest, clenched fists, etc. This is the body reacting to warn you of danger or protect you because it perceives your anxiety as life-threatening.

When you zoom out of the severity of the situation, or when you’ve finally calmed down, it seems silly to have jumped to such intense conclusions. But the truth is the mind and body were working together to keep you safe and protected, from yourself. 

The solution? Start paying attention to your body like it’s a science experiment through mindful awareness. This exact process helped me combat debilitating anxiety and I believe with some consistent practice, patience, and a smidge of humor you could do the same.

Start by taking notice of how your body is reacting. State it to yourself without judgment, be curious, open, and present at this moment. Avoid words like good, bad, scary, always, never, happy, sad, exciting, nervous, etc. Describe your experience with facts only, not emotion or past experience. 

 

“My heart is beating very fast, interesting.”

“My palms are sweaty, huh.”

“My breath is shallow.”

“My stomach/chest feels tight.”

After each observation, take a few deep breaths, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. Make your exhalation a bit longer than the inhalation to relax the muscles, letting your mind and body know you are taking control now.  

 

Behaviors are decisions you come to after your thoughts have driven you to choose a particular path. However, behaviors under the influence of anxiety are intoxicated with whatever emotion you are feeling.

For instance, if your anxiety is fueled by fear of public speaking, your thoughts will trick you into thinking you are inadequate, and your physical sensations may be a closed throat and trembling body, therefore your behavior will be to never practice public speaking. Because you were under the influence of fear you’ve lost out on the opportunity to rise to the occasion of trying something new.

To be sure you are choosing your behaviors with a wise mind practicing pause is a significant practice. Before you make a choice under the influence of anxiety pause. Run through the ‘thought questions’, check in with your physical sensations, and decide if you’re capable of making a conscious decision right now.

When your thinking mind has been hijacked by anxiety everything has a sense of urgency, time is flying by, and each decision feels as if it needs to be made quickly. More than likely there is plenty of time to take time to sober up your thinking through deep breaths, come back to the present moment, and make a conscious effort to think clearly again.

 

Let’s Review

The thoughts in your thinking mind are influenced by the emotions you have or currently are experiencing. These emotions are what fuel the behaviors and decisions you choose. By practicing the separation exercise each day you can get a better understanding of what your triggers are, how they influence your decisions, and what it will take to take control over your thinking.

Remember, you don’t want to consider your exit strategy when the building is already on fire. Start working on your thoughts and noticing what experiences they lead to before you fall into the tight grips of anxiety.

 

Dealing with anxiety is in no way an easy feat, and rewiring your thinking process won’t be either. The choice you need to make is, which difficult road will bring you closer to solutions and peace of mind?

Love. Heal. Grow.

Learn how to manage your reactions to stress. Click here to join my free Stress Relief Workshop.